Refreshed diary for a refreshed adam

These were my objectives start of august:

1) spend under 40 pounds in sainsburys on food... (ive got plenty in freezer can just go thru that.

I did just that.....i went the whole month eating from my freezer, few pasta bakes purchased and ice creams from waitrose but all in all a perfect buying motnh for me after my tv extravagence.  I spent £30 in sainsburys in august.....so better than my target.

Then i spent £57 in sainsburys weekend just gone buying 80-100 tins of soup, spaghetti, baked beans, ketchup all heinz half price.....for lunches.....so just got to buy bread and marg (so 100 / 5 days a week = 20 weeks of lunches 5 months of lunches paid for upfront.....result....super savy buying.....if i bought lunch in canteen its £4 per meal x5 x20 = £400 so ive just saved £343  

2) spend under 30 pounds in waitrose (one pound a day average) on my daily coffee buzz..

I ended up spending £36 in waitrose this month and i got a coffee every day so 31 days equals £1.16p per coffee plus i got a waitrose piece of food or drink with it for free.....

I did however spend 7 pounds in waitrose today, 4 pounds yesturday,  i have days when i spend more so next month maybe more expensive....however if i go back to bananas for a week then thats healthy and good on budget!!!!!

will get a few banannas this month lol

3) look to do 16k steps for 20 out of the 30 days..... and 15 reps times 4 for 20 out of the 30 days...I defo did 10k every day i wasnt ill this month, had a week where i darely left the bedroom when was off sick and it took me a while to recover but ill be back on the 16k s this week when back at work thursday....

So all in all ive done 2 out of 3 objectives and the last one with being ill for 2 weeks i had a pretty solid reason for not achieving.

ive budgetted for this month.....ive already spent 13 pounds in waitrose..... ive already spent 54 pounds on cupboard food...ive topped up my sainsburys card with 50 pounds for the month....ive budgetted ill need 27.55 spet in sainsburys.....plus maybe a 4 pounds extra for a by weekly steak mmmmm......ive budgetted ill need 22 pounds for waitrose.....all in all i should if i spend nothing else (something allways comes up tho) i will pay off £570 of the 1089 i earn to debt....

However things to buy this month for my kitchen include:

£200 new tap bought and installed in kitchen + boiler service 80 pounds= £280

new vynall flooring (£?) i guess around 100 pounds

Blinds for kitchen and bathroom (£?) havent got a clue how  much tbh

New oven bought old one taken away and new one installed (£530)

Old cooker hood taken out new one bought and installed (£60) hopefully fingers crossed

Painting kitchen and bathroom (all paid for last month (3 for 2 paint at b and q)

so im looking at total of £970 plus i reckon £130 for vynall so £1100 for kitchen refresh in total ...

So a bit of an outleigh but cheaper than if i got a professional to do it....

Just looked at my pension and itll be 90,000 by time i retire not much to pay for rest of life but i think ill get state pension too which ive heard isnt too bad either so i think ill be pretty secure in retirement....at moment 148 pounds gets paid in a month however once ive paid all debt....at  the age of 50 ill start a savings pot either in a bank account or will pay extra 400 a  month into my pension provider.....then ill have a large sum a month to live off thru retirement...so ill be comfortable here.

End of my holiday today.....woke up 4pm lol....proper long lye in....watched some billions box set....then had dinner pasta bake then went for a walk with a friend....then had a bath...then gamcare chat and watching lord of the rings.....

Back to work tomo boooo......but had a lovely five days ....got a nice tan too..

My uncle is coming over somewhen soon to sort the extractor fan......then will sort the rest of the kitchen...

Just two days of work tomo and friday then the weekend to look forward to.  

Will look to do as much as i can at work.....work hard

Can't sleep.,.....it's seems sleeping till four pm was a bad idea......didn't have any coffee tho .....but if I can get to sleep by six am I might not sleep at all then it's another day at work really tired.....oh well I'll give it a go

Last night i watched some billions and gangs of london then fell asleep at 6 am then went to work didnt feel that bad to be honest which was good......

Nothing else to report.

Hi Adam

I always find your updates an inspiration with the raw honesty and dedication that’s so clear to see. It truly is great to be reacquainted here with you on the forums and Chat. I’ll be back soon, still on my hols (Phase 2) but back to the grindstone soon 🙂

hi mixer cheers for popping by......fills me with joy hearing such a lovely statement....if you can make work not a grindstone and enjoy parts of it like the people you converse with at work then work can be better and thats the battle...if u can enjoy bits of it then you will be in a great place...... For me work i need to pay the bills....but i can easily find another role for another company that could be better for me......i could for example work 8 hours a day over three days rather than 5 day 5 hours a day and that would give me 4 days off work a week which would no doubt be good in soo many ways....... 

Im tough on myself in many ways however i feel that i have more to offer work....i believe that i can do more....i have a tea break in the afternoon (whilst reading my work emails) but my boss brings up what im doing in the afternoons once hes gone.....it makes me feel guilty......  I know i have phases of working really hard then hit a lazy patch then  work hard again etc...Just need to step it up a bit and work as hard as i can.

All i can do is what i instictively do each day.... i work hard for first three hours....then have lunch then if i feel like a break ill have one but stay later...thatts a good plan!!!!!!!

now im thinking of the resons why i stop at work for twenty mins each day when my boss doesnt like it am i disobiedeant? am i lazy? do i not aggree with my manager? but ive realised its none of them..... the reason why i stop is simply because im thirsty and need a break to drink....

Why do i feel like im lazy tho?

Why do i not feel like im doing enough?

With my mental health, for my mental health im only working 25 hours a week......but i could do more? could i?

Am i only feeling good and stress free and healthy as i am because of the working time adjustment?

Would i feel like im working hard enought and giving enough if i was working 37.5 hours a week? or would i just be overworked?

One thing i know is i feel like i can do more.....  and its not about the money either.....

We are told on here to live a day at a time......i know why....if i look too far into the future i dont get anxious but i feel that i will not appreciate the moment im in and will fast forward to the future where my folks are no longer around, where some of my friends may not be around heck where i may no longer be around.....the place to be is this moment for sure....im healthy now....im independent now....friends and family are healthy....my flat my possessions are almost complete... and in that way why would i want to work more....? .....its not needed....my health is simply worth more than the wage....that extra wage would simply be suplus to my needs

As it's my 100 post id like to take stock of who i am, where i from, what im aiming to achieve, what ive already achieved, what people would see me as soo far, where id like to go in the future, where i can go on this site, who i can help on this site...... this maybe a long post..... but i feel like im in a reflective mood....and writing it all out really helps.... diaries are great things:#####

Who i am:##### Went to study a degree in retail management in 1998 then in 2001 i graduated then started my way up the ladder working very hard and being very good at namely sales and customer service...... Due to partying too hard in my youth i developed skitsophrenia in 2010 there abouts... as i was living independently it really knocked me for six and i went introverted into a make belive world.... i lost my job and had to move back with my folks for support....I got help eventually from nhs but in some ways it was a lot later than needed as id already lost my job and lost my independence.... I was pushed by my folks to get new job quickly as the last i was sacked and thankfully i got offered a managers position but i was still pretty much in the midst of belieivng in everything in the skitsophrenic world in my head....with this in mind i didnt really want to talk to customers and offer the great customer service as i was paranoid about it all....however i stuck to it untill i got made redundant....then worked in a bookshop as a a.m for six months till i got made redundant,  then a big and tall menswear clothing store untill again i got made redundant......then my auntie told me there was a job working in supplies in a hospital locally where she worked.....and i went for the interview got offered it and thought why not try something different.  Thru this time i got addicted to playing poker.....it started innocently enough playing 1 dollar tournies and playing ok but thru the years the stakes got bigger and the losses with it....I was working in supplies and was playing poker most nights and i was pretty slow at wokr they called me a steady eddie.... but i never made mistakes....however the combination of being slow and gambling was taking its toll and i was put on performance management at work where they emailed me each day to say what i was doing wrong each day.  Now this was about to come to an end (i think they were trying to get rid of me) however i went to the social club in august 2018 and lost 300 pounds (untill i couldnt get anymore out of the cash machine)....then had to borrow money off a friend first time ever, then was super stressed, then went on holiday after a festivsal august bank holiday.....then went to isle of white.....that holiday i had a massive mental episode no doubt ruined that holiday for my parents and was signed off work for 6 weeks.

Now those six weeks were a huge turning point for me i decided id had enough of stress, enough of gambling, enough of drinking, i spent time with family and in nature and looked towards a new fresh lifestlye

So i spoke to my gp and they are great they wrote to my work about how well i had been doing dealing with the skitsophrenia and the fact not many with skitsophrenia are able to work 12% then work said that i would go to  a meeting to discuss my future.  I thought it would be over and id seek a new job.  I went with my dad however and they said theyd wipe all that had happened in supplies under the carpet if i moved to just being a porter under less hours untill i was able to do more....i aggreed and thought great a job still.... This was a great new role as it was less stress and hours to suit me.....Over the following years ive wanted to work more hours but in hindsight i shouldnt try to stirve towards money i should strive towards my healthy living away from long hours and stress!!!!!

Also one thing i forgot that happened was although id lost my independence back in 2014 my parents said how would you feel about purchasing a house and renting it out untill i was able to live independently again.... So i thought yeah sounds sensble.  So i put all my 50k into it, my folks lent me 70k (id pay interest and pay them back in full) then i got a mortgage for the maximum i was able to borrow which was 65k.....so i bought it, decorated it then rented it out....Each year i paid the mortgage and paid the maximum 10% extra off without incurring fees....then in 2021 i paid back the mortage in full, the property went up in value and i only owed my to my folks rather than the bank......

I had kept pesturing my folks when i was ill about moving out thinking i was being held hostage at my folks and that id never be able to move in.... but when it came down to it i wasnt ready and i think they were just waiting untill i was really ready to let me move away with my full independence.......  Even when we had decided id mov eout i was reluctant at various points as it had been soo long.

However in 2022 in may on my 41 birthday i moved into my flat.....i done it all up andd thankfully my sleep and the voices actually improved, i became very independent again...i keep in contact with my folks everyday and they help massively but im independent again which is huge for my self confidence and self esteem.

So that's up to now.....thats where im at: focusing on : no vices, finances and budgets and saving, healthy living and fitness, work...... they say you need to focuse on the credits and debits daily of each area improving on ones that have been neglected each day......and i certainly do that

i was going to think about goals for the future....but living one day at a time works soo well i think i should stay in the present moment and live for this moment..... all the best adam xxx

When you look at the extra stresses and problems that you have had during your journey Adam it makes it even more remarkable. Just relax and enjoy your journey, you always make good decisions so trust your no gambling instinct, treat yourself when you need it, but pretty much keep doing the same......smashing it.!!

hi lids thanks for popping by and filling me with extra confidence...much needed.....

Getting slowly into this week...... work has been ok....been spending little.....saving this week.....ive bought 2 bannanas and thats it....plan is to buy 7 bannanas this week to get my 7 frees coffees then save up the rest....

ill update at end of week with progress.

Adam