Relapse for the hudnredth time

Hey av_1914,

My most recent losses were also my biggest and most painful. 

It's important that you put this behind you now and move on. Please don't chase your losses. Don't even consider the money as lost, instead it was SPENT on an expensive lesson of why not to gamble.

How much did you manage to blow out of interest?

Nope, gambling certainly is no reliable way to make money.

Sure it can happen but more often than not you will just either lose your money quickly or manage to win for a bit before it all goes back in.

Any wins we do manage will always become future losses for us compulsive gamblers! We are simply not capable of walking away with our winnings and not coming back for more.

If you haven't already, I would sign up to GamStop and take advantage of the free GamBan subscription GamCare offer through their partnership with them. 

(Massive appreciation to GamCare for this by the way)

GamBan even blocks the casinos that are not blocked by GamStop. 

Had you already made that promise to your partner or has it been made off the back of yesterdays blunder?

@d602n8icoj Hi HouseAlwaysWins (so true)

Thanks for your response.

I agree that it was a lesson learned by spending this amount of money. I have been to a similar rollercoaster in the past, but this was the largest one.

It was some money on winnings, and I knew and was telling to myself that now I need to stop and never gamble again, but the rush overtook me and i wanted more. The winnings were wiped away within a day, and 2 days later I was down 3 grand. Painfully large amount, but the best I could do is to stop.

I have placed all restrictions possible, and now looking to focus on my self improvement, my work and my relationship with people around me.

That was the first time I promised this, and I am willing to keep it.

As you described, for us compulsive gamblers there's no win we can manage, unfortunately.

Lesson learned, wishing to myself and to everyone around fighting this, all the best.

I will stick around for updates 🙂

av_1914

@ticap6y5hs 

Oh wow that does sound like a hard one to swallow. I'm down £2,190.00 of my own money since October, £1,190.00 of which is since 2nd January.

Did you burn through it quickly or over time like me?

Make sure you do keep your promise because the biggest problem I have had is with having hidden this from my fiancée. 

I promised her I would keep it under control and as something I would only do now and again but addiction took over. The guilt I feel is awful and I wouldn't want you feeling the same. At least I only used my own money but I still feel so ashamed for failing her.

It's good that you have put the restrictions in place!

I wish you the very best and hope I will see you continuing to post that you have remained successful being gamble free. 

All the best!

@d602n8icoj 

It went downhill very quickly, and i didnt realise what i was doing! i was tilted, that is when the biggest damage happens!

It is a battle for life friend, and we need to fight forever!

This forum helps a lot!

Hi all, I had a relapse, as I was still tilting from my losses, all these days my mind was racing.

I had a session of wins and losses, in the end I quickly stopped to a small loss (compared to the other big losses), but still a respectable amount of money.

I'm here, fighting it, and willing to stay clean.

My two biggest reasons for this are boredom (even though I'm busy, I still need something to make me excited, we all know this feeling I assume) and to make money (what an irony).

I feel that to fight both of these, I need to put energy on my work and external side hustles that will keep me active and also bring some additional money. 

Plus I need to start my hobbies again.

Any input from you people is appreciated. 

av_1914

@ticap6y5hs 

I have realised my triggers for gambling are a mixture of one, two or three of these things combined. I have a feeling yours might be the same, especially if you are side hustling and trying to take on stuff to help with the financial stress..., 

1. Boredom - my mind doesn't have anything to do...

2. Distraction from stress (ie i have overcompensated from being bored and gone too far and gone into busy stressed mode) and my mind wants an escape from thinking about all the stressful things going on in life...so essentially my mind is doing too much...

3. Obsessive worries about finances.

These are the three things in any combination that trigger a relapse... And then once you relapse, your in the darkness til you climb out ..

I hope you make it through the days, I'm trying to make it through the first few hours.

Be busy, but not too busy. Be worried but not too worried.  Be mindful but not too mindful. Be stressed but not too stressed. Be bored but not too bored. Lol

@jbug81 Hi Jbug

That is true, you are in the darkness till you climb out.. 

The modern way of life has made things on the reasons we said earlier worse. 

But we can always climb out of the darkness. I have found that when I get out of the house, meet some people, or generally have a good time, I don't think about gambling. 

It can be anything that makes you happy, it will be a way to stay out of it. But the problem starts when we are at our lowest, at the difficult times. That s when it hits harder because it's an escape as you said. But in reality it's not an escape, it's an entrance to the worst feeling. 

Hope we all make it, and we fight this strong addiction!

Sending all my power to everyone!

av_1914

Hi all,

Once more I relapsed, keeping same bad habits.

The loss is significant, not as bad as the previous one, but what matters is the same habit. And the broken promise.

I have put all restrictions possible (even though there's always a way to relapse if you want to) and try to start over.

I'm also planning to change my routine to achieve this. 

Only thing that I'm really struggling to overcome, is the lost money, and the financial pressure I'm feeling. I have a stable job, but expenses are always so many that in the end of the month there's nothing to save. 

I guess it could be worse and I can always look up from now on. 

Hope all are doing well, and keep strong against this addiction! We all got this.

Av_1914

@ticap6y5hs Chin up fella, its a hard read seeing someone continually relapse. It's somewhat like an out of body experience and seeing what it looks like through a different lense staring at myself. Your story resonates with me a lot, as I imagine it does most. But hits different seeing it written by someone else, like I almost want to shake you and wake you up. But I know you struggles and know its not an easy mountain to climb. 

In the moments where you promise you will stop, you 100% mean it. If you could bottle that feeling up and spray it about any time you had an urge, life would be golden. I find its so easy to fall back into bad habits when you're feeling low, whether that's energy levels, mentally, or general boredom, that's the killer. There's nothing I can do in those moments to talk myself out of chasing the excitement and thrill. 

There's an old fella in my work who uses the phrase "if you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got" So simple but so f****n true right!! If you're just repeating the same old methods to quitting then it won't work, you need to drastically change something in your daily routine, gambling is the symptom, the root cause is in your day to day habits. I can talk a good game, still yet to put this into action in my own life, always easier to advise than action.

Hope you can pull through this one pal. 

@fqpad7eg3b Elmo, thank you so much for your reply. Whatever you wrote here is spot on. From how you feel when you see the written stories of fellow problem gamblers, to the feelings we have when we are so sure that we are going to quit for good, to the sayings of your old fella at work...

And I will stay a little on what your fella says, because is the golden rule... we cannot expect to change if we keep on doing the same things.. that is why this time, I have started changing my habits a little bit.. steer my focus elsewhere. Of course the urges are coming back, but I keep strong, and I feel much better.. It has been only 4 days GF but it needs to last this time and not have another relapse.

I hope you and all who read this, have the power to control this addiction and rise through it. We can all do it!

Hi all, I am in my 8th day GF and I feel like I haven't gambled for weeks.

I have steered my focus elsewhere and it really does the job.

It's almost as if I need to keep my mind occupied all the time, and this time I chose something productive instead of gambling.

Hope everyone is doing well out there, and keeps strong!!