I recently decided to quit gambling and put some blocks in place, gamban and self exclusion from the bookies. However, I lasted four days and found myself in the arcade. At first I settled on an amount I was happy to loose, that soon went out of the window and now I find myself XXX down, which certainly wasnt my intention.
I found myself thinking that I'm due a win and the next spin would bring me somewhat to recouping my losses. Of course it didn't happen.
This is the first time I'm going to struggle financially with the consequences of my gambling. Its 3/4 weeks to payday, the money I have left from being paid a week ago will cover my Bill's and give me enough to get by, but it will entail a bit of skimping and scraping which makes me feel quite ashamed that I've put myself in the predicament.
I've quit several times, but each time I end up going back and seem to make up for lost time by gambling and losing more than normal.
It's becoming quite difficult to manage, I guess I'm struggling to deal with this alone. My partner does know about it but not the real extent. Maybe today is the last time as this is the first time I've felt ashamed, I've felt angry and P****d off plenty of times but never ashamed. I've never been in the financial predicament before either, this is a new low. Maybe it's the low I need to see me through quiting for more than a handful of days.
I know the psychology behind gambling and see it for what it is, however I still manage to talk myself into it. My thoughts of gambling had been with me since the afternoon, I couldn't shift them and guess I capitulated by talking myself round into believing I could manage the amount I lost when really the only thing that managed it was my ATM withdrawal limit. Now I'm reeling over a loss I couldn't really afford with a few weeks until payday (at least I havent ruined christmas, I've already done my shopping bar one or two).
Well, here goes. I'm resetting the counter and day one begins again tomorrow.
Hi Miscjoe
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us on here. Although relapses can sometimes feel like a back step the important thing is that you gradually increase your awareness of how problem gambling affects you personally. You seem aware that your reactions after relapsing are getting more intense and so your resolve should strengthen along with it as you move towards a more positive & healthy direction guided by your ever increasing self-awareness.
On a practical level some problem gamblers have started using Applepay to avoid having access to cash whilst still being able to access money. This along with your online blocks may help close another unwanted open door moving forward.
Tomorrow is yet another opportunity to start again and don't hesitate to contact us 24/7 either on the netline or freephone: 0808 8020 133 if you feel you need additional support.
kind regards
Tom
Forum Admin
Very brave admitting how you feel, Good luck going forward, if it helps I write down how I feel at the time this happens to me and then read it to myself if I ever get the urge to gamble, it’s always enough to put me off! Almost like writing yourself a letter.
I’ve been GF for 47 days now I never thought it would be possible to go a few days never mind this long.
You’ve admitted to yourself that it makes you feel ashamed that’s a good thing take the positives from it, you’ve recognised this, you recognise you don’t want to feel this way.
On a personal level if I feel the need to gamble I watch inspirational videos about being able to overcome the demons in your mind and making change to your mindset, everyone can change a habit if you work hard at it.
Best of luck to you.
Thank you Tom, I appreciate your words of encouragement and advice.
Hi Lisa92, I've taken your advice and written a short letter to myself and saved it to my phone. I'll read this every time I have the urge to gamble.
Hi Gareth111, thanks for your message. Can I ask, does it get easier once you've passed a certain amount of days? I've tried the youtube videos, but unfortunately I always seem to end up watching gambling streamers with the intent of it to help me not gamble but looking at It I think this has the reverse effect and almost acts as one of my major triggers, I've told myself that I need to stop this in order to aid my recovery.
Gamble free so far today, I've decided that I will go and self exclude from the arcade this evening. Whilst I can go there, there's the temptation to do so, I need to cut this tie in order to be able to stop completely. I think knowing that I can't go will help. I haven't seen any material there which mentions self-exclusion though, so I'm not sure if I can exclude or not? I suppose I could do a number of things to get myself banned (I say this in jest), also, as I will be entering the lions den, I won't take any cash or cards with me to avoid any temptation. I did contact BACTA about this and they said I would have to go in person to do so.
Thank you.
It does get easier. It takes 2 - 3 months to rewire your brain. All the best.
Hi
Every time I went to unhealthy habits was a slow learning curve.
There was no benefit of beating myself ro calling myself names.
Each break out I needed to understand my emotional triggers.
For me my emotional triggers were pains not healed, fears not faced, frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, my fear of emotional intimacy, my fear of being open and honest and my feelings of boredom.
Did I think that if I did not gamble I would be happy and have a healthy life.
Just by abstaining from the gambling I would stop causing myself pains and emotional trauma.
The addictions and obsessions were a form of escape.
My anger was due to my feelings and emotions of my pains not healed, my fears not faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
How long for me to learn to value myself, how long for me to learn to use the telephone lists.
How long for me to learn to selfish about my recovery.
Some people will even say that my addictions were a selfish action.
My addictions were a selfish destruction action and habit.
It was implied that pride is an unhealthy feeling.
For me my healthy actions and my healthy words generate pride in myself.
That is why I work my recovery because I change how I value myself today.
I am non religious person yet I am a more of a healthy spiritual person, that sounds like conflict but our conscience is based up on spiritual values.
When I go against my own conscience I hurt myself and other people.
Do I trust my instincts today.
Do I learn from my mistakes.
Do I enjoy my recovery today.
Each time I went back to any addiction or obsessions indicated that mu hurt inner child was not healed.
In my time I have seen people resent people being successful in their recovery.
I think it is the fact that people who do not put effort in their recovery feel left behind the more successful people.
There was a time when people focus on newbies and tell them they have to do this or have to do that.
For me I did not need people to tell me what to do on entering the recovery program, saying had an adverse impact on me.
No matter when a person has had their last bet is not important, by going to meetings is the most important thing I could do for myself.
In time I was very comfortable in the rooms of recovery.
I am humbled to the truth about myself, I no longer fear facing myself, I do not want to live in the past, I do not want to be an unhealthy person today.
Just for today I do not want to go back to the addictions or obsessions.
I want to be the healthiest person I can be today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
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