Hi all,
Decided to start a recovery diary as I feel it may help with kicking this woorthless destructive habit.
Today will be day 2 of no gambling , couldnt face posting yesterday after blowing over 3k saturday afternoon
on an online casino game, thats right a rigged game where i ended up losing 3k in 2 hours then winning it all
back plus a little more over another 2 hours, then losing it all again in the space of 20 mins. In the death throes of it i was
playing £175 hands, each hand taking about 10 secs!!! I was in a total trance tapping away
at the keyboard like a possesed man, all sense of reasoning and logic gone. What kind of moron does that!?
Im livid at present because thats all my savings gone , which took a while to build up. I basically had no money
worries really but am going to end up doing if i continue so why am i doing it?
I have done this several times over the last 10 years or so and it needs to stop here.
Heres hoping to a future with control and peace of mind
Pete
Dear Pete
I can see you've been a member for a long time, though it doesn't look like you've posted before. I can understand you are angry right now. Hopefully you can channel this anger into determination to beat your addiction. A recovery diary is a positive step in the right direction. You could also join the 2015 challenge thread as well, for more motivation and support. You don't say if you've tried anything else to keep yourself away from online gambling. Have you considered installing blocking software? You'll find more information at http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do. You could also talk to you internet provider about parental filtering. There's also counselling and Gamblers Anonymous, which allow you to explore and challenge your gambling behaviour. No doubt forum members will be able to let you know their experiences of all these options.
If you're feeling stuck about how to go forward, please do contact the Helpline on 0808 8020 133, or on the Netline. We're here 8am to midnight.
Wishing you well with your recovery
Deirdre
Forum Admin
Good luck Pete.
Takes a while to come to terms on how someone sane could do something so irrational.
It took counselling for me to understand my actions to some degree, I still don't fully understand them!
After a while the acts you did a few weeks/months ago become distant and irrelevent in a way, you can't change them. Start looking to the future whilst trying to prevent it happening again.
I rarely talk about the extent of the gambling I did any more but I can relate to what your saying in your post, I couldn't stop going over the amounts and actions at first.
Hope you get all the help you need, dont be ashamed to ask for help.
Thanks for comments guys.
Day 3 . Obviously very early and still raw from Saturdays loss, checked online banking and id actually deposited £400
more than i thought, bringing the loss to over 3.5k. I must have been in a real trance!!!!!
Anyway not going to ramble on too much just yet.
Today i will not gamble
hi Peter you have come to the right place for help for this addiction you will have a lot of support from people who as been through what you be through I not gamble since 2004 going to my GA meetings every week i use to come this forum long time ago to help people like your self i have been so busy with things and going to G.A meetings any question you want to asked me just leave a message
Mega mega urges as I am sat here now to have a bet on sports tonight.
Im going to beak the triangle, shut this thing down and go to friends
right now.
TODAY I WILL NOT GAMBLE
X
Good thinking the addiction will hate that,
Have a good evening with friends and win.
Suzanne xxx
A week today since I lost the plot, Have had urges but not gambled since.
Unfortunatley I was made redundant yesterday and have no job now.
The money I blew last week would have given me breathing space.
Now I have none. Feeling sad and angry.
TODAY I WILL NOT GAMBLE
Whatever you do don't try and win it back
The addiction will tell me I can of course but will you be able to keep it?
So 59 days on and things have started to get better, redundancy money came through and have got a new
job to start soon, ....HOWEVER, I have gambled again, nothing like the insane amounts before but , £10 on
a horse and £20 on darts plus ive done the lottery a few times.
Im not beating myself up too much about this mainly because its not a great amount of money.
but perhaps I should be, because that is how it starts?
Im not sure whether to reset the counter to zero and call it a fail or
continue and hope the urge fades out as I am doing it less and less.
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