Simply cannot do this anymore

Dear Thebean, 

Thank you for post. We are sorry to read that you are struggling. 

Would you like to give us a call 0808 8020 133 or visit our Livechat so we can talk about your gambling and discuss what support is available for you? We are here 24 hours every day. 

Kind regards, 

Forum Admin.

@forum-admin  thank you.  I have had a few sessions over the phone with a Gamcare councillor.  My next one is on Tuesday, 2 days time.

Gamcare has helped me to know why I gamble....  I know the triggers, I know the pain it causes but I still do it.  With me it's 20 years of a learned behaviour.

My main issue is that if I drink alcohol and have availability to a credit card I will gamble.  I thought I could address my gambling without addressing my alcohol use.  Obviously not.....

33.5h not gambling so far.

Both goes together 

I am also compulsive gambler for 21 years on daily basis.

Currently I am on 3th full day of being gambling free.

My withdrawall symptoms headaches,massive toothaches which I don't usually get when I gambled and many many more health issues.

What an amazing organ brain is.It will do more damage to my body until I start gambling again,then all pain goes right away.

If anyone experiences similar problems or if anyone knows if thats normal let me know please 

@wbr9jcpn3y well-done on your three days not gambling.

I am on day 3  as well.  Have have also done about 20 years of gambling, slots and blackjack online.  I can't imagine how much money I have lost.

I have been experiencing big anxiety about the debt I am left with.  It has been a very unpleasant few days.

Personally I haven't experienced headaches or any other physical symptoms when I take a break from gambling but it makes sense that you might.  You are changing the chemical process in your brain by not gambling, it's reasonable to think that when you gamble the serotonin is released and cancels out the pain.

What is your strategy to stop?  I am trying to understand why I gamble, what are the triggers and what I can replace it with.  I do well then drink alcohol and all of my good work is undone.

If I knew strategy to stop I wouldn't be gambling for last 20 odd years.

My longest break from gambling ever was this year in January 2023 when I stopped gambling completely from 10th of January until 26th of January full 16 days

I banned myself from all bookies in all UK,all casinos in my area and 200 miles near me,banned myself from all UK online gambling providers,banned myself from all none UK NO GAMCARE International gambling websites which I used all of them that there was.

Unbelievable but true.

On 27th January I was so happy that I am gambling free for 17 days I took my family out to wetherspoon to have breakfast together.

Once I seen slot machines at wetherspoons something changed in me completely and I started putting note after note into machines and played slots for hours until I lost about 400 quid of not little bit more.

I had no reason to play,I knew I didn't want to play I wasent unhappy, I didn't needed extra cash I wasent either happy so I don't know what triggered it.

What's your story

It's not unbelievable mate.  I don't want to gamble.  If you offered me a pill that made me never gamble ever again I would take it, and yet I have continued to gamble even though I don't want to.  Like something else takes over.

Based on the above I totally understand that you would feed hard earned cash into a slot machine at Weatherspoons even though you didn't want to.

You are here.  Obviously recognising the issue.  Have you tried to identify why you gamble?  Also tried to prepare blocks to prevent you from doing so?

My story....  I deposited £2 with a debit card to a gambling website 20 years ago and won 40p.  I felt the rush and deposited more and got very excited when I won.  I imagined what I would do with the money. Then I lost and felt terrible.

So I deposited more.  Played blackjack and won, then lost.  In no time I had lost £100's then £1000's.  I took loans and credit cards.  For a few years a probably had a net loss of a few £1000's I suffered, always in the overdraft but traveled, had relationships and got on with life.

Years on and I have led a double life.  I have a family, career etc but have led a double life of debt and internet gambling.  I have suffered massively through the addiction and compromised my mental health but noone in my family knows.

I tried Gamstop and self exclusion but always got around it.  The end of 2021 I was playing heavily on online slots.  Always about £12000 in debt always living in overdraft.  Then I started to win, I hit some big wins on slots withdrawing £4000 a time.  But I am an addict.  So would deposit £1500 per night and lose.

Winning was the biggest disaster for me.  I may have 'invested' thousands to get the 'win' but mentally it would be profit.  It would mean I am willing to deposit much more and feel okay to lose.

Then, I gave up on UK casinos due to Gamstop and went to none UK licenced casino's.  They have no player protection,. They accept credit cards.  They rarely payout and if they do only under harsh restrictions.

December 2022 I hit rock bottom.  I had lost so much but still found myself depositing over and again.  Fixed games, dodgy terms and conditions and I knew but still deposited.  I stopped sleeping, if I did I would dream of slots.  I had to visit my GP and got put on anti anxiety meds... 100% due to gambling.

.I reached out to Gamcare, had a great councilor call me but still have gambled.  My issue is that I repeat behaviours when I drink alcohol.  It is an entrenched pattern of behaviour and it is hard to break.  I will do it though.

We need to look at why we do this? Educate ourselves how to avoid it and then learn to live again.

Do you have or did you have anyone in your family who suffered from any kind of addiction in the past ?Usually its alcohol pr gambling and i started to believe that we already have it in our blood once we're born.That fulfillment to get addicted onto something without us even knowning so.

My father use to be a heavy alcoholic and gambler.He taught me how to gamble from my early age of 12 ?

But I am not blaming him for me staying as gambler for another 23 years of my life because I simply choosed to do it myself

Same as I choosed not do drink alcohol and I never drunk no alcohol all my life.

And yes I have all possible blocks in place there is not more you can do to block yourself from more places then I already have.

Weatherspoons I stopped going there whatsoever since that day when I relapsed

Day 4 no gambling.  As yet I am still feeling the burn from the weekends losses and am still consumed with guilt and anxiety so its easy not to gamble at the moment.

I am worried about payday coming up on 27th and my drinking lowering my resistance.  I am trying to make a plan so I don't burn my bank balance.

@wbr9jcpn3y 

My dad did occasionally gamble but never encouraged me.  Both my parents drank, and still drink, too much.  I never saw them drunk but they would drink every night and not in moderation.  I do exactly the same now as an adult.

I understand addiction can have a genetic factor but I always resisted that thought as I know its actually 100% my fault I gamble, I can't make excuses.  Talking to a councillor from Gamcare was good for me, the concept of a hurt inner child that demands to gamble.  Linked to experienced trauma.  At first I dismissed it as psychobabble but actually it explains a lot...  Not wanting to gamble and knowing I should not but getting an uncontrollable feeling that I will do so anyway.  The feeling of control and calm when I am gambling.  The reward of the rush when I hit a bonus.  But then the inevitable crash.

The pattern of behaviour is very hard to break.  I know I am prone to gamble after drinking alcohol and if I am feeling stressed or angry and lying in bed at night.  I have started to take time out for myself to go to the gym, cut back on alcohol and am using the time to read.  It has worked, but it only takes one slip up to blow an entire credit card in less than an hour.  Which is what I did.  Hard to bear, but I am trying to be positive.

From my perspective of view gambling combined with alcohol comes from some sort of big emotional trauma in childhood.For example my father was highly educated guy who never drunk or gambled in his life.Unfortunately his brother who was 20yrs at the time had a brain injury and that hit my father emotionally really bad.He started drinking and gambling since thar day thinking he would find an escape from pain.

Unfortunately he drank himself to death and I was the one who find him dead in his flat 5 years ago.At that time I did not smoke but gambled.That triggered smoking habit in me and I started smoking heavily.(Cigarettes only)

Remember every aspect in our life that we cannot cope with emotionally will start some sort of addiciton

@wbr9jcpn3y  you are right about alcohol + gambling and it's being triggered by trauma.  I am having to face up to this after many years of telling myself that I am okay, but I know that my behaviour says otherwise.

I have a memory of being 21 having alcohol and gambling online with my music on and being truly at peace, happy and calm for the first time.  It numbed any pain I felt and I have been doing it ever since but with terrible financial consequences.

I haven't only gambled while drinking but it is usually the trigger that starts the big losses.

It must have been really terrible experience to discover your dad Jonnyuk...  What did you replace the gambling with if I can ask? Or was it a matter of just cutting it out?

@thebean I haven't replaced gambling with nothing mate.I didn't gamble since 17th February so today I made my full 5th day gambling free.

Most without gambling I was this January as I previously told you 16 days max and then I found slots at wetherspoons.

I am banned everywhere else online and all casinos and bookies within 200 miles range from place where I live

I already had few times in my head today and yesterday about going to London just to place the bet haahahaah but I won't do that.

Hi get to meetings as many as you need and find a much healthier life.

Healing your pains and finding a healthier life will make a big difference.

It is time to invest in to a healthier life.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckeham