Simply cannot do this anymore

@thebean 

It is better to learn and understand now than later on.

Save alot of pains fears and frsutrations.

I am on day 5 of no gambling.  Anxiety is very high as I am going over what I have lost.  Not a great feeling, no way to live.  I will beat it though.

@wbr9jcpn3y Nice one.  I am trying to build up the blocks to my gambling to protect myself.  I have signed up to Gamstop for years but always got around it which lead to even greater issues when it came to verification, even if I did win they would not pay out, and rightly so if I am honest.

Then tried non UK casinos which was even worse.  No player protection, unfair practices they are robbers and I knew but still deposited.  Can't get over my own stupidity!

Day 6 no gambling ☺️

I am gambling again and I don't really care anymore 

I have visited 4 different bookies in last 3 days that I am self.excluded from all of them and nobody said nothing to me

That's how self exclusion with MOSES works.

Complete nonsense

£870 quid down 

@wbr9jcpn3y   Hi Mate.  I hope you are not being too hard on yourself.  I reached out for support from Gamcare in Dec, ended up on Anti Anxiety meds and still went on to lose a further £1900 in past 7 weeks.  The Gamcare rep told me to re-frame what had happened when I slipped up, what can you learn from what triggered this latest gambling episode?  It's sometimes 7 steps forwards and then 5 steps back.

I tried to deposit and gamble last night.  I repeatedly tried to deposit £200 from a credit card but the credit card company blocked the transaction.  If it had gone through I would have lost it, deposited more and probably be £1000 down now. Or would have won and have a payment pending for 5 days and been tense and emotional untill I reversed the withdrawal and lost it all.

When I woke up this morning I had a sickening dread that I had lost more money, then remembered the payment hadn't gone through but still have been anxious all morning.  I know I tried to gamble because I drank alcohol last night.  I am trying to learn from it.

I don't have any experience with MOSES, I only gambled online so did use GamStop.  But I could always get around it, sure it would sometimes prevent a casino account being made but I would more than often find a way of getting around it.  It's what we do as compulsive gamblers.  So important to put as many blocks up like MOSES, GAMSTOP, Blocking gambling transactions with your Bank but in the end it has to be us that says NO.

I am on day 7 without gambling now.  Last night nearly turned into a disaster for me though.  I wan't to learn from the near miss and take one day at a time.  30 days gamble free is my current goal.

@wbr9jcpn3y 

Have you reached out to Gamcare?  I did and it was the best thing I have done regarding finishing gambling.  I spoke to online chat as I couldn't face talking about it at the time.  They had an excellent non-judgmental councillor call me at a time of my choice and just let me talk.  It wasn't easy at first but they have really helped me with the following...

Why I do it?????   For 20 years I resisted looking into why I gambled as I felt it was just making excuses blaming 'trauma' and not manning up and taking responsibility.  I now understand it is because of unresolved issues.  I feel calm and in control when I gamble then feel numb followed by crushing anxiety.

I now understand the reward of endorphins when you get a win.  The gambling companies use psychological tactics to make the entire experience addictive, we don't stand a chance!  It makes patterns of behaviour in the brain each time we gamble, this is why it is a gambling 'habit', we automatically find ourselves doing it like we have no choice.  Like you in Wetherspoons or me in bed having drank.

It involves a lot of things I have resisted for years.  I never regarded myself as in trauma, I hated the whole 'selflove' c**P and gratitude stuff, but it is true.

Reframe the £870 loss as an expensive lesson.  What can you learn from what happened?  Don't beat yourself up, compulsive gambling is a mental illness.  Be kind to yourself.

One whole week gambling free. 

It has been a tough week with negative feelings about how much time/money I have wasted over the past 19years.

Pay day on Monday the 27th.  I am terrified I'll gamble it when it hits my account.

But for now I going to let myself feel good for avoiding gambling for 7 whole days and look forwards to many gambling free days to come.

8 days GF now. 

Last night was so hard, massive urge to play slots and see the magic three bonus appear on the reels and get a bonus round,. I mentally picked the slot and decided £200 deposit and £4 spins .  I was going to deposit but I spoke to Gamcare chat instead.  It was all I needed, just a few minutes of positivity and I chose not to gamble.  Cheers Gamcare.

Felt a bit more positive today.  However I know it's going to take a long time to recover.  A 19 year habit won't disappear overnight.

Still wrestling with guilt.  One memory in particular.  Camping with my family and some friends... My son was 2 years old and wouldn't sleep well so we would get him to sleep by driving him around 10-15min until he nodded off.

Each night of the camping holiday I volunteered to drive from the campsite while my wife would have a glass of wine with friends.  The real reason that I was so keen to leave was so I could get mobile data connection and bet.  There was no signal at the campsite.

One of the nights I drove off, quickly deposited £500 and it was gone in a few spins of a roulette wheel.  I shouted at my son who was crying and drove back.  My wife, who knew nothing about my gambling, felt bad that I had 'tried' to get our son to sleep but it hadn't worked.  All our friends went on and on about what a great dad I was in always offering to be the one to drive our son to sleep...   I just kept thinking.... 'If only you knew why I was so keen.  If only you knew I shouted at him because I lost money.  If only you knew I am blowing £1000's'. 

The memory is on repeat in my head.

10 days GF.  A mini milestone ? 

It has not been easy.  I have even had dreams of gambling.

1/3rd the way to my 30 day GF goal.  Maybe there is a way out of this hell I have been living!

Two weeks GF now and going strong! 

I feel heavily invested in my recovery.  Anxiety re debt and guilt are starting to lift and I keep getting random waves of happiness ??!?  I wonder if this is what I should have been feeling for all these years?  Is this what 'normal' people without a GA feel???

No complacent though.  Everything could change if I don't lose focus.  

16 days GF.

Getting the urge.

I have done everything right.  Posted on the forum.  I have considered everything I have to be appreciative for.  I ran 5km earlier, pretty bloody fast, and even joined a group chat....  Yet I am lying here desperate to gamble.

I know how utterly terrible it has made me feel.  I am already in the overdraft, I can't sustain more losses.   But still a voice from nowhere says 'play poker' cover the missing cash in your account with a win.

This addiction is a nightmare.

I won't gamble tonight.  I really won't.  But I need this to get easier.  Why did I get cursed with this?!?

I would own a house, be able to treat the family, sleep better and have no self hatred.  Why did gambling have to find me?

Ok.  Enough of the self pity party for one.

For tonight, the next 2h... I won't gamble 

Hi,

I also had the problem of drinking inticing me to gamble (they go soo well together).....In august 2019 i went to a social club and visited the cash machine and plyed on fruit machine untill i could no longer take out any money....... it was just before i went on holiday...... also because i was gambling at that time my work suffered and they had me on performance management....... i went on holiday and was soo stressed i had a breakdown and was then signed off work for what became 6 weeks........ In that six weeks i decided id had enough of that life and decided to stop drinking i did that and spent lots of time with my family going on walks around national trust gardens and visiting the beach....... what i started then was a brand new life away from vices i learnt that although it wasnt exciting and seritonin filled and full of ups and downs and excitement it was full of actual meaning..... my family and friends is what matters to me..... now to this day is still havent drunk and alcohol not a sip!!!..... so that was august 2019  so three years now...... i ve not gambled a penny since december 2019 ive not smoked since 2016...... no drugs in 12 years..... 

What im saying is it can be done...... and it sounds like if you dont stop drinking you wont stop gambling (just like me)

Choose a fresh lifestyle and see where it takes you?

Adam

21 days! 3 weeks no gambling.  Rocking it!

Though coming to terms with the debt is hurting.

@adam123 cheers.  Drink and excessive gambling do defo go together hand in hand.  Got to admit l, I am still on a bottle of wine per night but it doesn't seem to motivate me gambling currently.  I need to get on it and cut back.

If I can ask... When did your cravings for gambling get less?  When did you feel more balanced and calmer after quitting gambling? I am interested in when dopamine levels return to normal after quitting?

id say youll feel better with every gamble free month that passes, if you're not drinking as much even better....Every time you get the craving to gamble and you make he decision to park that thought for a while and get on with life that decision gets quicker and easier to make the right choice...... then with time the positives of that choice show themselves and life becomes oooo so much more richer and less stressful......Get thru this tough patch of life and wreap the rewards mate.......All the best adam