Slipped back into my old ways

Well I think you've made a very good start by being so honest here. I think if you managed to stay bet-free for three years which iis a great achievement there must have been strategies you had in place and support at home?

I know how difficult it so to open up the family - especially my wife but I'm sure you found in the past a certain relief that your secret was out in the open? I know I did - despite the humble pie I had and have to eat.

I hope you find a way to move forward and wish you all the best. Phil

Hey Adam,

You done it before you can do it again! I totally relate to your post. I was 3years then relapsed in 2015 and have being going down the road again ever since. Been convincing myself the past two years I was in control and wasn't as bad as last time. We can't go on giving not only our money but our lives to gambling!

Time to step up and get back control!

Day 3 for me, and I'm proud!

Taking it bit by bit, I had the urge yesterday, but came on here instead. Read some success stories..and then tried to offer support to others. Was a good feeling, a lot better than losing money!

Good luck to you and stay strong!

Thank you Gailyt39 I hate to think that theirs other people out there with the same problems but at that same time it's comforting when you know your not the only one. I suppose like many others I thought I'd cracked it this time but for some reason I slipped up. You should be proud to be on day 3 because the days soon turn into weeks and months and any amount of time away from gambling can only be good. I'm gonna make a real effort to keep this diary up and hope to see you 3 days infront of me every time I log in.

This forum has been a lifeline for me, it really has. Like you say, just knowing that your not alone helps. Knowing someone is going through the same and together we can support each other through this horrible addiction.

My first post to this I'm a terrible gambler have been for years today is day 1 of no gambling but part of me when I stop for fuel I get a lotto ticket and wait the draw I seem to get relief from not slotting from this is this advisable

Been so busy today not had time to sit never mind gamble. A lot of people advise on here to keep busy and there's definitely something in that for me as I always gamble in secret usually in the time between getting kids in bed and my wife getting in from work, roughly an hour a day mon to Fri. So I've got through today almost and got plans tomorrow night so Tuesday will be the next time I have a free hour. I've excluded from everything and I'm determined to not open another account.

Good for you Adam,

Sympathise with you there. It's times like now, I struggle. On holiday, hubby at work and kids doing there own thing. Only so much cleaning I can do.

Keep at it, your doing great!

Thanks for comments. Just got sat down, was up at 5 cycled to work and back about 15 mile altogether, 10 hour shift in between and taken the kids swimming so I've definitely kept up my keeping busy routine. It worked for me last time so hopefully will again. Was thinking earlier about the ridiculous thought process of the last account I opened last week which I have now excluded from. Their was 20 free spins with a ВЈ25 deposit but I could realy only spare ВЈ20 for the week and that was at a push. Before I knew it I'd lost the ВЈ20 and another ВЈ25 which realy has left us short till later in the week. This amount is not what worries me at my worst 3 and a half years ago I was nearly £70,000 in debt probably 2/3rds of that from gambling, what worries me is that I couldn't afford to loose that money and I still did it in the heat of the moment as if i couldnt stop it happening. When I look clearly now even with the guilt and regret I've got I can see how wrong and stupid it was, just wish I could have these senses about me all the time.

Well done to you Adam!! Keep it up buddy!

We all need to keep our senses, I remember depositing almost £40 that I couldn't afford..£10 at a time, winning nothing but keeping on going, like I had no control; just kept hitting deposit button. Before I knew it, over £100..GONE! That sickening feeling everytime I done it, I knew it was wrong but couldn't stop. My head was numb, like pins and needles, body was shaking. I NEVER want that feeling ever again! But I done that to myself, and I need to constantly remind myself of that feeling and make sure I never put myself there again.

We can do this!! Keep strong and GF

Disgusted to say I've let myself down tonight. Made it to Friday and don't know why but I've failed again. Don't know what else I can do. That's all I can say today I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Hi

Hi, parent of a gambler here so have been watching first hand what you are going through and like so many can see you are a hardworking guy like so many on here. It is really good that you are getting support from here and a brilliant start for your recover and stay here. However, you seem to still be trying to cope with the problem on your own at home and it is always worse if you are keeping it as a secret. I know it is not always easy but if you can get anyone else on board that you trust to help you moniter your finances, that you can talk to about the problem, it just lifts a bit of weight off your shoulders. If that is not possible it is important to ring Gamcare and ask for advise on counselling, where to get debt management, emotional support etc. I always suggest turning your recovery into a bit of a project (which will kep you busy) - start by writing a list of what you have to do i.e. like suggestions above, research and make a list of things to do with the kids in spare time (lots of things cost very little, like the park, bike rides, scooters etc - most kids just like to spend time with you whatever they do), free activities for you, swimming, cycling, running etc, do something nice for your wife with what you would have spent on the gambling. Tick off on a calendar days g-free making today DAY 1. Things that will start making you feel better in yourself. These are just some ideas for you to think about and we have tried a lot of this and it works. Good luck for DAY 1 and the future. Take care.

Thank you gamparentanon for your advice. It made me look at it from a family members point of view. Gambling is such a selfish addiction that you loose track of how your affecting other people. If it wasn't for last Friday I would be nearly 11 days gamble free which even though I let myself down is still better than the previous few weeks. I feel like I'm getting back on track my worry is that I don't feel like I get urges, I just seem to find myself opening a new account almost subconsciously if that makes sense. Here's to another day and good luck to anyone else who reads this.

Still doing well so far this week but with a feeling of caution that the weekend is coming up and am going to have a bit of free time on my hands. Going to try and make some plans and stick to them to reduce the chance of just being sat and then temptation taking over.

Hi

I just read through your diary. I can relate. I've had prolonged periods of abstinence only to fall back into gambling. You say that you can't really say why you started again, but there is a reason. If you really want to stop for good, I think you have to try and understand yourself and really pinpoint why you gamble. A lot of the time it has nothing to do with money. Counselling could be a route to go down but I think it's possible to work it out on your own. Although I’m only 50 days or so into my latest recover. I feel I have a better understanding of why I gambled. It was a form of escapism and an attempt to try and make something of myself without having to work hard. I have problems with reject and generally losing which made it very hard to stop. So the combination of these factors fuelled my problem. I hope you can understand why you’ve decided to go back and realise it’s not worth the stress. We are compulsive gamblers we can't win because we cannot stop. All the best.