Something Missing

Hello,

I am so happy to say I have not been here (5 days gamble free) in a long time. Today is a point where I am really trying my best, Saturday Night, a few drinks, relaxing after a long day in work - que my favourite thing to do, Gambling. Whether it's £10, £0.30p spins or deposit £300 £3.00 a go. It really doesn't matter as long as I'm engaging.

The amount of times I have tried to quit is endless. I never seem to justify that stopping gambling is worth it, in my mind I feel that I'm not doing my body any harm and after all, it will only be a tenner. I only wish I could put my no smoking will power to stop gambling. I have stopped my 20 a day habit for 15 months now. Not one, I reached 29 years old and felt I was probably doing quite a lot of damage and stopped due to health outcomes rather than money loss.

I have self excluded from every bookies and have net nanny in place online. So no gambling online. My partner is keeping an eye on finances also so i have support there too. I feel good. Even if I wanted to I couldn't. Here's the down fall. I haves seemed to focus my activity to watching on line. Where I am not physically gambling, I am spending hours, like sometimes on my day off 10 hours watching others gamble. This seems to give me some satisfaction but not entirely. I have been doing this for about 6 months. I have now blocked the website but you can't escape from YouTube. I understand I need to get a grip but this is consuming my whole life and think about gambling everyday.

I will keep updating and reading others diarys to keep motivation up. I hope everyone is well and speak soon. Day 6 then a week will be next milestone.

Thanks, Martin.