spose this is day one

wow 6 days since my last post

and to be fair not one thouht on gambling been house sitting with my lady!

so ive been normal for week or so. its ben great not one thought just the chance to be me to be dan no bubbles to hide in no sand to put y head in, any probs we had we dealt with so i had no need to revert, i am changing i am different. i like it.

im back to reallity now tho and have to carry on the good work, ive seen once again what i can have what i want and i will get it cus what i was isnt what i want, i jhave things to keep me buisy im even exercising which is hard!

i will keep my head high and beat this.

( ive had man flu too!!!)

Hey Dan,

hehe Man Flu, that made me laugh. Thanks for the post in the diary reminding me to get my a** back here. May I just point out to you that it was actually MORE than 6 days since your last post... YOU can't count 😛 (no wonder you sucked at gambling hehe jk)

Well your post definately made me smile, it's great the change in you since you quit, it's really evident through the change of tone in your posts. You should read back on them all when you get time and see much much you've progressed. I do that from time to time it really is amazing what a difference such a short time can make.

Hope you're having a good weekend mate.

Keep at it.

Dan,

Stick with GA.

ok so g.a lastnight was good

made me think had i really admitted that gambling had me beaten the first step,im not sure i have,cus i have thoughts that one day id like to be a controlled gambler and get to have little bets.i think this sometimes. but this morning i was thinking am i just narked at myself becauseive let this beat me and ruin something i used to enjoy wen i was controlled, i no i couldnt go back to gambling even if i was offrd the chance to be garunteed i wouldnt be compulsive, cos the buzz wouldve gone i wouldnt get the same buzz i got from putting my last spare 100 on a horse,so i wouldnt be happy or enjoy it, if this makes sense,

i do get different buzzes now the biggest is spending time with my lady buying her things treating her even if its little things, i still enjoy being able to do it. my heads consumned buy her and buy the need to do oyther things like exercise and be healthy . i want more out of life.

so maybe i have admitted it. i no last couple of weeks ive not thought bout this much cos ive been in a totally diff enviroment, but being in that enviroment all the time isnt gunna help unless i arrest this issues unless my barriers work cos eventually it could get me again.ive got to learn to accept what ive done wen the trust issue comes up wich it does, and just take a step back and understand this is my fault not hers. wether its about money and gambling or something else. cos whatever the issue its my fault that the trust is not there.still no gambles and no real thoughts to report tho

Hey dan long time no post!

Hope all is well.

Keep goin to GA eh. it is still very early days

well i fnd myself a day shy of a year since my last bet. thought id come share the info maybe give some hope that it can be done to others. didnt think i would make a week let alone a year. ive had amazing support from my partner shes been there through thick and thin. we now live together and have a 6 week old boy!

who keeps me busy,this is something i never want to break up.

i stopped going to g.a i found it very useful but my group became different i felt they were there cus thay had problems else where it was dominated by older members and what they wanted to much. it became stale for me. i now find myself in a place where i dont want to gamble dont feel the need. people still talk to me bout horses but dont bother me. i no cheltenham is coming but i don want it . my family keep me grounded.one year on many more to go.

nearly xmas again!

where have i been??? just thought id check inj maybe help some others like all u guys helped me.

so im still none gambler nearly 2 years in feb!!

i cant honestly say i dont miss the gambling but i can say i dont miss the feelings i getafter i lose muy hard earned cash.

i do think about it i do wonder what if i did have a cheeky bet, but i no im strong enough to say i cant.

my emotions always triggerd my gambling and on the whole the last 21 months or so have been good to me ive had some low times but ive never wanted to start gambling again .

i still have the two strongest things in my life my partner and my son. who no matter what will always keep me on the straight l,ine there my rock.

i watched a horse race last week and saw the odds of a horse and thought whoa id have lumped on that, and what happend he got beat , so i felt vindicated im not a "bookie beater" like i thought i just got lucky a few times then thought i was the man!

ive started new job so i need to face the problems that come with that , do i tell people what i am or cross that bridge wheni get there ,think ill do the later. one day at a time thats the saying well i can honestly say sometimes one day turns into 2 days 3 days it just happens and u dont think about it. but its always there ready to jump u like a ninja. so always show it respect!

Thanks for sharing dan. ..you should be proud of how far in recovery you have came not worrying about telling new colleagues or not ..well done, stories like yours should remain at the forefront of these diaries 🙂

2 years on amazing , i cant say its been hard , but ive had the support and the drive to continue. im a proud man today. not to say i dnt think about it still ive watched the odd race but i get no feelings towards the racing i like watching horses lose that i think would win shows im not a good gambler which i already knew. maybe i shouldnt " stay in the game" maybe one day itl bite me on the backside. im always aware that it can, the meetings taught me that, im lucky i stopped hwn i did befor things got to far,suprises me people around u forget what u are, maybe they block it out cos of the heart ache it causes, but i always remember never forget what ive done and lost and very nearly lost. still not told anybody at work not needed to , but also dnt feel comfortable doing it. not ashamed certainly not proud, but not something i wanna shout from the roof tops. maybe if i was asked out right. but until that time comes ill say nowt. any way 2 down many more to go still always one day at a time.

just dropping in , maybe to see if i can help some new comers or just to inspire anybody,

feb 26th 2009 was my last bet, how about that

always with "one day at a time" i had plenty of support ever since which helped loads to. im master of my own destiny now,

my life has changed for the better and recently got different a split with my long term partner this year she was a rock for me.

so now im in the big bad world doing it alone well ish, still got me boy to keep me going.

first time i went to my local town alone with cash in my pocket i nearly crapped me pants. my heart raced my mouth got dry, every shop seemed to be a bookies , dnt think they were but thats how i saw them, anyway i survived cus i stayed strong. i remembered all the things i had in place , remember how id feel if i started again. but im slightly worried it could happen again just one little bet hey. need to control that, keep on working a day at a time!

from feb 27th 2009- feb 27th 2013.

gamble free

i still remember this date. many of the people who "care" about me dnt, but thats not there fault, infact many of the people who no, dnt even remember im a compulsive gambler. and sometimes this upsets me, but it shouldnt this is my issue not theres.

im not gunna pretend this has been a walk in the park cus it aint! does it get easier? at times. but theres always the thought in my head of gambling. but i deal with it by knowing how bad i will feel and how people will feel around me, but ive kinda isolated myself this year so i could get away with it but i keep stopping myself. for me nobody else.

maybe you need to be selfish in order to combat your demons in the long run anyway. these are my problems i dnt need other peoples sympathy all the time.

i have my son my thoughts always turn to him and how his life will be with me in a gambling mess,

its always one day at a time. but as the days turn to years one day can easily be two or three, =BUT always no that it can bite u when u dnt expect so be prepared!

from feb 27th 2009- feb 15th 2015

gamble free nearly 6 years wow never thought id make it this far,

i always convinced myself i never really was a compulsive gambler, course i am.... still am just one in recovery.

yeah i can now pass 2 3 4 days without a thought but there is still a thought every week, what if i just had one small bet,

i dnt do the lottery,i dnt make bets at work with colleagues, the only thing close to gambling is playing 2p machines with my son on holiday, i cant deny him that, but slots wernt my thing so maybe thats why im safe,

i still get anxious when my work talks about going to races or doing a race night at the dogs, they dnt no my background i dnt tell many people, im embarrassed, yes i am, i spose if push came to shove id have to spill the beans but thats my secret,

i notice every bookies, every advert on telly, more now than ever, seem to be every where, taunting me, ... but im stronger thant that,

ive built up a huge amount of days and i will not let one slip pull me back in, it will not effect my sons life,

its always one day at a time its all it can be,

why am i here 6 years on after my first post, well my freind wants me to speak with his cousin, he has a issue, im nervous about it, talking about gambling again with some one , also on here to check the advice i was given see if i can pass it on,

i was drinking more last year, started smoking again, im a compulsive person need to break that habit, no where near as much drinking this year in fact sod all. i still smoke, tho, my little secret. i think i need that right now, i live alone and i need something to keep me sane, maybe i need a new hobby!!

if anyone can benfit from my story just one person thats great, always remeber one day at a time. everyday wake up and say today i will not gamble , and when you go to sleep at night be proud you have not ad remember that feeling.................

Thank-you for coming back & showing us all it is possible (just as long as we don't let complacency in)...I applaud you 🙂

I can't offer you an advice on your other vices but you have been strong enough to kick gambling into touch so I'm sure you will find a way...I think a hobby is a great idea!

Once again, a massive well done & stay strong - ODAAT

Hello Dan,

Yes, I am the same Ade that posted on your diary 6 years ago.

Although you may notice that my old diary no longer has my name attached to it. Instead it just has a 'full stop', as I edited quite a lot of it when I left the forum some years ago and removed my name. Although my posts still remain for continuity of other diaries...

It's fantastic to see that you are 6 years bet-free, but still aware that the gambling compulsion is there for us all lurking in the background.

I just read back through your diary and it brought back a lot of memories as there were a lot of posts from fellow posters who are no longer here on the recovery diaries for one reason or another.

I have battled for many years, and ironically it is only now that I am winning my battle as I am 80+ days into my gamble-free life. I have to say that I gave you some good advice back in 2009 didn't i!! If only I had listened to it myself back then eh! ;0)

As for advising someone else, I would have to say that the advice I gave to you back then about 'One day at a time' is still the way for me..... we are all different, and we all have to want to stop. That for me is the key element in beating this addiction. We can all give so much varied different advice on this subject. Not everyone agrees with everyone on here about recovery techniques as you well know. We are all different, and recovery is bespoke....but your friends cousin has to want to give up himself 100% for his recovery to even stand a chance of being successful.

Keep strong Dan.

All the best mate

Ade