Start again and again and again........

Hi

From each time we go back to our unhealthy habits we get to understand what our last emotional triggers was.

It was important for me to learn and to understand what my emotional triggers were.

Emotional triggers for me my were pains I could not heal, an emotional trigger were my were fears I could not face and reduce, an emotional trigger were my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I could reduce, an emotional trigger were my fears of emotional intimacy and feeling a loner and disconnected, an emotional trigger for me was boredom because I could feel productive and I was not able to commit to my needs my wants and in time set goals for me to achieve.

The buzz I use to feel while in action was fear and adrenaline based.

In saying to myself I have to implies reluctance and resentments.

By doing things with reluctance and resentments who am I cheating but myself.

In recovery as I change unhealthy habits into healthy habits I get to feel good about myself.

If your boss asked to work a month without any pay what would you feel.

Yet how many times did I  work and then give my money away to complete strangers.

Only once I was able to abstain from my unhealthy habit could the healing happen of my hurt inner child.

It was the easy option to talk about money or being in action.

Recovery is about starting to heal my pains.

Gambling was a form of self abuse and self destruction.

In going to meetings therapy based I would not longer focus on money or gambling.

I would focus on me becoming a much healthier person.

Guilt shame regret is the consequences of going against my own healthy conscience.

As I heal and become healthier I no longer live in the pains of my past.

Only when I love myself can I love other people.

Only when I respect myself can I respect other people.

How much do I value myself today.

How much time and effort am I willing to invest in me becoming a much healthier person today.

I hope that this helps you.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Day 2 no issues today, at work and kept busy so all good. 1 day at a Time. 

Day 3 nearly done and still gamble free, had a look back at some previous posts from years back and it just makes me sick that I'm still doing it. I honestly don't know what tomorrow brings but I hope it's gamble free. 

Well done with the post boy.  Keep posting 😁 

One day at a time.

I Never managed to get on yesterday what with work and family time but no gambling was done.. 

@thebean thank you

Day 5

 

Again yesterday no gamble and no urges. Payday not far away let's see how I cope. So far so good tho. I'm not on here to say I'm going to do this or I'm going to do that as I've been in this position 1000x and still gave in. Is anything different this time around only time will tell. 

Pay day is a tricky one, especially the first. Try and get that money locked away or spent on bills, debts, essentials, before you get a chance to spend it unwisely. If you start to feel anxious or excited in the coming days, reach out to someone, chat on here, put a new diary entry. I remember getting more and more excited as payday neared. I knew I didn't want to gamble, but the chemicals in my brain increased just thinking about it and I usually ended up doing it. Now I recognise those subtle changes and deal with them. Make it as hard as you can to gamble for the next few months and these will soon pass.

Loving the diary. Well done so far.

Stay strong 👍 

Hi

No Matter when your last bet was keep going to meetings.

For me going to meetings was a life saver.

Clean days can not be lost.

Dave L

Thank you for the support

Day 6 and still doing what I do. No urges at all, I do have blocks in place on my phone, gamstop and self exclusion from the bookies but it's never stopped me in the past finding a way to gamble. I Reset my phone the last time but it's an absolute ball ache setting the dam thing back up with passwords etc so I can't see me doing that again. Christmas coming up and started some shopping. 

1 week free, it  might not seem like a lot but everyone who has ever managed to stop gambling was also at one week at some point. Busy weekend ahead so my head will be occupied. 

10 days free of gambling and today I saved £400. I had to go out of town today and I usually take this opportunity to stop off at a bookies and play the machines but today I said no and by doing so I saved £400 as that's what I would have went in with to gamble. May not seem much to some but to me that's a huge step in the right direction. Never in years have I been able to do that.

 

11 days