Start of the journey

Hi!
This addiction is certainly a roller-coaster but being on here will be a huge help, even if it's just offloading. We have/are all been riding the same demons and feel your pain. Does your wife know about your recent relapse? I've found being completely honest is a massive weight lifted, sure they are gutted and disappointed and scared but they will understand and stick by you...love holds no bounds. Try to be positive put all blocks in place that you can, speak to a counsellor but don't suffer alone we are all here to offer a shoulder and share our experiences with you. This forum has so many inspirational stories, read them and be kind to yourself. It will happen, you will kick the demons into touch! One day at a time my lovely x

Donna,

Thanks for the message - this morning I've woken with the feeling of remorse that I had only 6 weeks ago and vowed never to have again. One of the things I really struggle with is accepting the money has gone (frustration, if only etc etc) and this is something I really need to come to terms with to move on - the online nature of my gambling (casinos) makes it feel like it's removed from reality at the time, but it comes home to roost when the money is missing from the bank account.

I had actually started to feel a bit better about the losses I had in May, and if anything, it's proof that the passing of time does make it better, but there is little solace in that today. I'm going to spend some time reflecting on what the trigger was for the most recent relapse and consider what changes I need to make to my lifestyle - undoubtedly it's a impulse control issue, but there are days where I feel far more positive and far more able to deal with the impulses than others - I want to think about how I set the scene in broader life to give me the best chance of success.

Hi Kensington,

I always feel the hardest part of recovery is when those feelings after a big loss are diminshing,you may have had another payday since then so some money in the bank,everyone who knows about your gambling has gotten over the inital anger and disapointment,thats when its important to get those blocks in place,have you tried gamstop only works on uk sites though,or getting some software downloaded to block all sites,something i will be doing when i get paid on friday.Maybe you could talk to the admins here on the livechat they may be able to give you some ideas to help figure out what your triggers were this time.

One day at a time is easier than saying in six months etc

Stay Strong

Lib

Hi Lib - thanks for the note.

I agree with you - whilst the passing of time makes the remorse subside, the complacency can creep in - an attitude of "I won't make the same mistake again" but as we know given the opportunity it is very easy to do so.

Through day 1 and onto day 2

Waking up feeling the weight and burden of it all, however, no desire to gamble

I know that as a compulsive gambler I must accept that I have no control over my actions when I gamble, no matter how hard I try or tell myself that I do

Hi Kensington, thanks you for the post on my thread. I appreciate your comments and hope you can stay strong and rid yourself of this addiction. Unfortunately i’ve Learnt that it doesn’t matter what you win it will never be enough and eventually we lose the lot. Life can be happy without gambling as you have mentioned, so you just need to focus on what’s important in your life and put the blocks in to ensure that you don’t relapse again. I too was a massive online gambler and it never really felt like real money until at the end when you realise what you have done. It’s so easy to just keep depositing and before you know if you have wiped out your account. I then started on credit cards which was even more stupid. Sign up to GAMSTOP if you haven’t already as this has helped me massively. Good luck with everything, I really hope that you can beat this.

Thanks GS100 - ive signed up to Gamstop and also gamban on my phone.

I think part of my issue is when I’ve stopped before I’ve probably always felt that I can come back to it, however, I know that’s not possible now

I’m fortunate in that whilst I’ve lost a significant amount of money I’ve managed never to compromise on the money needed for daily essentials - council tax, rent etc

However, there’s no doubt in my mind the emotional impact is significant and after a period of losses it la always easy to retrench and feel guilty and dwell on it

As I reflect I conclude that the acceptance of the losses is key - wishing id placed a different bet or withdrawn etc etc is fruitless and means I’m engaging with the activity - ie it has the potential to fuel further activity

Hi Kensington

You can do this Buddy. Joining this forum is alraedy a step in the right direction.

Stay strong

Hi Kensington, that was my problem also. I went 6 months GF after originally acknowledging that I have a problem. I thought I could just go back to sports betting and just do a footy accumulator at the weekend. This was fine for about 2 weeks and then gradually the bets increased and then I signed up to another online account. Then it was all day every day again and in the circle of win, lose, deposit, despair. The only way to beat this is to be fully committed and never gamble again. I know this is the answer, whether I can do it is a completely different matter.

Hi Kensington

Firstly thank you for the comments on my diary. I hope my story can help you realise there is hope.

When I quit gambling in Otober 2016 I was 36, I too had gambled away tens of thousands of pounds ove maybe 15 years. We can tell a similar tale of winning/losing and the emotional roller coaster that comes with it, only the downs are so horrific.

You have mad the right start, admitting you have a problem and determined to address it. The best thing for me was attending councelling. You may not know it but we are not born with this illness, we gamble for a reason and develop the addiction for a reason. (Mine was low self esteem brought on through my childhood and bad relationship). I reccomend self excluding from every possible online website for the maximum legnth of time.

What's done is done, there is no quick fix for the money lost and if you gamble again you will only lose. Every day you do not gamble is a day richer, remember that. It is hard because it will always nag at you, just one more win is all I need but you know and I know even if we do win we will not stop until our winnings vanish and more debts appear trying to chase the losses.

Grab yourself a copy of "The easy way to quit gambling " by Allen Carr. Keep your mind occupied and enjoy the gamble free life. It is a permanent battle but one that we can win.

Good luck.

Matt

The end of day 2 and no gambling to report. Feeling strangely positive relative to how I have felt in the immediate aftermath of other relapses.

The start of day 3 and for today I won’t gamble.

I accept that I’m a compulsive gambler and that I can’t gamble without disasterous consequences

How are tricks, keep plugging on and day by day we will all beat this disease

Another day gamble free notched up. I’m still “mourning” the loss of the cash and regretting the loss of it, however, I know I need to move on from that though - thinking about it is a catalyst for gambling and something I can’t change.

There is a lot more to recovery journey than the money - it’s about feeling better and getting life back on track