Starting again.

I still think about you guys...I wish you all the best....Because really we are just a reflection of ourselves....I believe that is the key to life's every pathway...

Easy.

Hey easy,

Very true about what you said in your last posts. Gambling does mask alot of problems for people. I think when we each decide on our own terms that we've had enough of the maddness, we start to find ourselves again. It's a real twisted addiction, my counsler was telling me that in more ways then one it's worse then a drug addiction. You done a great job, be proud of yourself.

Chicagoguy

Tnx CG...Chicago Guy that is!

I am glad you are listening, I have been thinking about the last year, and whilst reflecting upon this previous episode of my life, I have stumbled across something; I'm finding this strange? I realise that once you manage to kick or nip this disease into remission..Well, then we regain some sort of self control. Interestingly, this has a positive reaction and triggers many new delightful things which includes a major boost of self confidence. However, that doesn't stop other people having negative reactions about everyday activities....That is really the downside to all this...You can control yourself but not others. I really think that gambling is a product of the environment 'EXTERNAL''... somehow it manifests itself into our PSYCHE and becomes INTERNAL. What I also think is that many of us struggle with the urge not to gamble, on the other hand, the trigger is definitely not the gamble itself!!...I may be wrong, but I think people worry about someone or something negative in their lives; and then bam!!! You start gambling over, and its a perfect mask that covers the real issues. But now you have new found worries that are much more raw and 2 the point; WILL I WIN? OR WILL I LOSE?...

If you are doing well you should be confident, proud, happy and take pride during every step of recovery, when you do bump into a heap of negativity.....Just remember this, 'confident people do not worry about the way other people act'.

Apply this principle to every negative thought and turn into a positive whatever?!!

Easy.

One last thing..I live in a part of the world where gambling is banned..So, im lucky. However, they do sell street lottery. I was in the market tonight and the way people buy the tickets is like a vulture..These guys are desperate...You should see the look on their faces....If only they knew? If only.... I find it bitterly twisted...I almost let out a crazy sick laugh...

Easy.

In fact I did...Quietly...

Hey *easy*,

Really like that post, so very true, alot of people in this world don't like to see someone getting healthy again, it's like they want to have someone to look down on. And going forward I have to realize some people will look down on me for being a ex compusive gambler. But to h... with them, there are so many other good people that will be supportive of me, and I have to learn to feel good about myself again, and each day I don't gamble I feel like part of me is healing, the parts that I stripped away from myself through the addiction. So many great people on this site and it's been a real rock along with my therapy. Take it easy, "easy"

Chicagoguy

Hi, well just completed one year teaching in Thailand.OK, not rich but nearly happy...Definitely happy that I havn't gambled and i'm past the year mark.

Easy life....

KEEP DOING..KEEP GOING...LOOK FORWARD...WHAT IS LIFE, WITHOUT LIVING?

I just thought that the recovery diaries list of the 'titles', actually looks like titles of albums with broken songs on them; of love, hate, bitterness and sadness. However, some of these 'songs' do actually have happy endings at least for now...Does your song get stuck? Or does it continue to the end playing a new tune of strength, courage and will power to succeed against the vicious odds?..

Good luck in recovery!

Easy life.

Easy life.

Fella i doff my cap to you.

With honour and great respect.

Your glass is like mine suitably half full of life.

To abstain and maintain.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hello Easy!

Like you I joined the forum in 2010 and do relate to your diary we had a brief chat in 2012 and just spending the last half hour readinb yr diary! I had same issues with roulette! Also like you in stacks of debt but happy being gamble free for 3 months now ! I originally Racked up 67k debts in 3 year relapsed to add a further 2k but now hopefully gamble free again! I cannot trust myself with money but do have the added fact of my Rock(wife)assisting me in my addiction. Take care son

Thanks Duncan...

Will89 I remember you..In fact I can recall both of you guys and many more...I am happy to hear from you!! from what I read, I gather you are doing very well in recovery!! So, big well done for that!...

Will you say you racked up a huge debt..Wow that is probably more than me? However, I know I spent tens of thousands over a short period...The thing is, I never realised it was an illness until I started putting insane bets on roulette.... Then I had an 18 month break ...Really did get a huge credit score, banks were lending, than bam out of the blue breakdown in my relationship, followed by a winning streak of gambling, then an all out chase the losses which has left me bankrupt...Can't blame anyone. It did however make me really ill the second time around.....Alas, I am coming to terms with everything....

Easy life.

Strange hypothesis..

The problem is, there is no problem...? hmm..

Identifying a problem creates a problem...

Philosphy..Philosophy is the study of general and fundamental problems, such as those connected with reality, existence, knowledge, values, reason & mind.

Good luck in the battle.

Hi guys..

As I can see from the posts..Many recovering gamblers are recovering well!! However, some of you may have addressed your problem slightly different to others in a different manner or time frame. Therefore, I thought I might add/summarize my story for you. Okay, I was gambling away thousands! It racked up 2 £18k. Then I decided I had had enough..I thought I'd hit rock bottom; at least that's the way I perceived it at the time. So, I managed to quit for 18 months and saved a considerable amount of money. Then out of the blue the banks lend me £15,000 pounds..Yes, unbelievable for a person who was unemployed..Anyway, I took the good fortune and tried my best to pay for my Msc..However, I never got into the University!..I was unhappy so I went on a journey..A long one..Guess what?...Yes in the end I returned to gambling and ended up skint and owing and maxed out cards too...Boy, I owed, and still owe, at least £50k ...So, this maybe was rock bottom....What can I do about it? ...Absolutely nothing!...Just idle time away...The point I am trying to make is; if you are recovering and really recognise previous behaviour as an illness, then return, despite all the good things you have done these past however many months/years. Quite simply, when it hits you the second time around, hold on to your sanity because your gambling will be much more erratic!!, Because you now know your triggers and underlying problems and you will use it as an excuse to be reckless...

I can't really think of anything to say, except use my story as an example...THE WAY WE LEARN IS FROM MISTAKES... THERE IS NO OTHER WAY.

Thanks for letting me share this.

Easy li£e

Hi, I just wanted to update my diary, after 14 months of living in Thailand, I called it a day . Now I have embarked on a new found career in Kurdistan, the money is great..I have a home for free too... Guys im bankrupt in Uk..I just want to add there is life after hitting rock bottom..and I have seen the end of a rainbow ....Everything is going to be so different..

I am still gamble free, I intend to stay that way...Most of my demons lie in the UK....

Easy li£e

Nice post that - so true, hit rock bottom get of your a**e and fight back.

Hope you are well, have followed your diary on and on for quite some time, good stuff.

take care, ands