Starting again, again,.

Where are you now??

I'm back again, tomorrow is day one, first target is to make it one week.

I type this and I'm not even convinced myself that it's possible, I have done it before so I have to believe I can do it again.

Going to hit the bed early tonight and hope tomorrow feels brighter.

Pat

Hi Pat,

I've been looking over this site this evening as I try to figure out what to do with my own problem and came across your diary.

I found it interesting as I flicked through the pages and was impressed with how you were/are going, but then my evil part of my brain kicked in and I don't want to sound like a w****r (but it is a wankerish thing to do) I then became determined to find a 'lapse' in your posts.

I can only think this was part of my evil side trying to tell me "look it can't be done" and "stay in the game".

I know this is a horrible post and probably no help to you at all, but if you would be happy to assist someone trying to start out on the same course, can you tell me how you do battle with these thoughts and supress them?

Am I not there yet? Do I need to be further on into desperation in order to make a start? I just seem to have so many questions of myself and keep coming up with the wrong answers?

I wish you all the best and good health,

A

Hi Pat,

Yes, I'm here.

I'm still clean, and will be for a while (can't write 'forever', although that's what it has to be).

It's a long road up. But we know it, and finances and state of mind improve quite quickly when we get going.

I'm game to start properly. I'll send you a pm when i have a minute.

Get the first week out of the way.

Mm

PS Bristol, doesn't sound w**ish at all because we all know where you are. Will post on yours as soon as I have a mo

Day 1 I guess, the depressed state of the finances is painful, not going to put the exact details on yet as am not 100% sure but at a glance I am looking at the guts of 4 years to clear up this mess. How unbelievable is that..... What I could do with my family during that time with that cash would be fantastic, but they now suffer because of me.

self-pity is not going to help so I guess I just start moving in the right direction.

Will keep posting here as often as I can,

Keep well all,

Pat

Day 2 passes. Long road ahead.

Pat

Hi Paddy,

Yes, it's hard thinking of all that time to pay back the debts, and hard thinking of all the 'what if I hadn't gambled...' scenarios.

But we did gamble, we made our choices and we had a pretty good idea what the consequences would be.

I remember you told me that your OH had an inkling that you'd been gambling, and you' d told her a certain amount. Does she know this time?

I've just done a mini-check on my finances, and it's painful reading. My total debts, including non-gambling ones (I bought a car on HP and some house renovations) are now more than the mortgage.

As someone once said, 'we owe this to ourselves'. I'm ready to walk with you again if you're up for it...would prefer it if you didn't just disappear one day, at least without saying 'I'm off'.

Stay strong!!

Day 3 went ok, kept busy around the house.

Plan on bringing minimum amount of cash to work with me this week and no plastic.

If I have no money on me than I can't loose it.

This day next week it's double digits, am looking forward to typing that but taking nothing for granted.

Pat

Am home so can say day 4 done and dusted.

Started to put a spreadsheet together today to work out total debt and how best to address it, got half way and deleted it, I have a good idea of what I owe but looking at the detail of it on a spreadsheet is I guess something for another day.

Not trying to hide from it, I just know it's going to take a long time to sort.

Anyway, will keep positive, target is 10 days so roll on Sunday

Pat

Another day done, very busy at work so not even a thought of gambling.

You sound quite down Pat; at least we're here, starting again. Soon be a week. Chin up.

Thanks mm, think reality hitting hard at the moment, realisation of theposition I have put myself (and family) in. I am looking at 4 tough years to clear the debt mountain.

But of course you are right, we are here and want to make things right so let's get on with it. I know things will improve if I can refrain from gambling, and that's what I intend to do.

Keep strong all,

Pat

Well that's a week done, its a start I guess, looking forward to the weekend, not much on just want to relax at home.

Pat

Congratulations on a week, Paddy! From molehills mighty mountains grow.

Look forward to making the journey with you

9 days over and feeling a bit better, and a little more normal.

Have a good weekend all,

Pat