Chris
sorry to read about your mum's health issues, i hope she fully recovers.
something to motivate you even more to prove to yourself that you can do whatever it takes to turn your life around without gambling and then without further affecting those dear to you.
keep making the right choice.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Chris
something you said yesterday has been eating away at me for the last 12 or so hrs, yesterday you posted
" i am not welcome at the ex wifes any more, I guess I will give up and move on"
Fella, if your compulsion to gamble was anything like mine, if my wife had have come out with a gun each time I turned up, and locked away the valuables I would have deserved it, full on ,on the chin.
my advice, read Castles thread, that man is a fella to live up to, he has had more sh#t from his ex than anyone I know, but he respects it, and through it is more a man than most I know.
He has a right to be proud.
Dont walk away, make amends for the destruction your addiction caused, then you will respect yourself.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
We reap what we sow.
Also read the family and friends threads, the damage we cause we should fix, I read and support there as they deserve to recover to.
They are innocent people, but people who now deserve respect. Me i give to both sides equally.
Duncs Thanks for your reply and will go find castles thread after this, I under what you are saying and I may well be just given in too easily, but when all I wanted to do was try and make things better I was just hurting them more by still been around. I don`t what I should be doing whats right and wrong, All I know is I can`t place another bet for the rest rest of my life what else i`m meant to do I need help.
Morning, well yesterday (day 16)has pasted not a great day but stayed gamble free. work was busy so not much time to think, but when i did have a few spare min my mind would recall all the bad things over the last 2 months, I hate my past. I try to look forward but there is nothing there just a big empty space.
Chris,
well done on 16 days, use both your pride of doing so well and the bad things from the last couple of months for added motivation to continue your journey. You have done so well, and I know that you have had so much in your life to contend with, look to the future as I know it will be so much the brighter for being gamble free.
take care and have a good day.
Phil
Day 17. Another busy day at work and no thoughts of gambling. Coming on here at the start of the day sets me up for the day head, I feel better going to bed before midnight and getting up early unlike before when a quick hour turned in 10 hours and the night was gone and so was my money, then just a few hours worried sleep before going back into work. Thanks everyone for your support on this site may today be another good day for us all.
Day 18, Been in chat for the first time, was given some great advice and I know i understand why I am here today, 2 reasons one I could never admit before this time that all that I lost was lost and time to start again, and the second that this time I have people to help me who know why I`m here help I never took in the past, it was always here but until you truly admit that it is gone you will ways go looking for what is lost and no one no matter how hard they try can change you. The other thing I learnt tonight was people you hurt will hurt you back and now I understand why things are why they are. Thank you guys to another gamble free day tomorrow.
HI Chris,
Well done on the 18 days gamble free. Recovery is about change and also about learning, its that wake up call we all needed to allow us to start to move on.
I have learnt so many things from people on this site and i continue to learn something new about myself everyday.
Once we can let go of the past we can embrace our future.
Best wishes for your continued recovery
take care
blondie
Cheers Blondie for your kind comments,
Day 19, been a strange day today this morning was a busy at work, but this afternoon I was looking for one of the chefs, no sign so went round towards the games area, there he was playing 1 of the machines, I called him back into the kitchen 5 mins later he was back out there, and it made think, was that me did I just disappear off to play, the answer was yes. When I finished work an hour later I check to see if he was still there he was. I stopped and chatted with him for 10 mins in that time he won, tired to get him to walk away something I never did but instead he just changed machines. In the past I would have stopped and watching almost hoping they would lose so I could play, but this time I walk away thinking I shouldn`t be there I felt proud not to have been tempted to have a go, not drawn in by the lights it was great to walk away, no thoughts of what if all my money still safe in my wallet.
well done for today Chris, again something that you can be very proud of, stay on your guard> Glad your mother is out of hospital, and am sure if you keep up the hard work and progress good things will start to happen.
take care
Phil
hey Chris
I've just read your diary- well done on staying gamblee free. I admire your positive attitude, it must be hard to stay focused when you have these difficult family situations going on. You are doing great, and every gamble free day is positive step into the future. I have found some great support here on this site; there are some really fantastic people here able to give sound, non-judgmental advice and help.
Gambling destroys our lives- you are courageously rebuilding yours. I do truly believe that trust can be rebuilt and love endures. Take care, see you on chat perhaps.
Stu
Phil, Stu thanks for your support, well as day 20 draws to a close I have just re read my own dairy, can`t believe its nearly 3 weeks now made lots of mistakes in the past but starting on this site was not one of them, I can rebuild everything I have broken but its going to take time something I seem to have a lots more of now I`ve stop gambling. Thanks to all the support hears to a better life, non gambling no lies.
Well yesterday flew by busy at work, but today is dragging no work, no where to go just chilling in my room reading and thinking, why didn`t I do this years ago. I could have become a much better person by now, but I can`t change the past. Hears to 3 weeks bet free and many more to follow
Chris.
for your continued abstinence i congratulate you fella.
Once we abstain for a period of time, like your three weeks we start to see that actually the money is purely the fuel to feed our addiction.
the time we wasted chasing pipe dreams is incredible when we stop to think. also the emotional damage we cause to ourselves and those we gamble in the name of .
keep making the right choice fella. You will without the addiction of gambling destructing your life, without doubt become a better person for it.
Time for me to right all my wrongs i caused folk through addiction, its a hugely rewarding and humbling part of recovery.
the humility it Gifts us grows and with it our resolve to not go back at it.
one day at a time.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Hey Chris
well done my friend on your 3 WEEKS gamble free- brilliant. I agree with you life is so much better without the lies, what a stress and pressure that all was. Wishing you a good week, stepping forward into recovery and your new life, one day at at time
Stu
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