Starting over from today

Thank lonely, I havnt been on here  much the last couple of days, a mixture of being very busy and abit miserable. But today is a good one, off work and got some money, needed to go into town for a few things. That's my 3 biggest triggers all in one, usually I'd get what  I need as quickly and as cheaply as possible so I could get to the bingo hall with whatever I had left. But not today, I had a nice slow walk to town, took my time looking round the shops, got more then I needed, treat myself to a new top and have came back with money to spare. It really is a huge achievement for me, feeling proud and happy. I can now get the house work done and make my daughter her favourite tea for after school, I'd usually be rushing back just before school to a messy house and no tea prepared, feeling stressed and angry with myself. Having self excluded from the bingo is mostly the reason I didn't gamble today, its a massive help but I still needed will power as although I've never used any other places that have slots I know there is plenty of them. I really am happy today, what a difference not wasting my day and my money has made. Going to rest my swollen ankles for 10 minutes before starting the housework! Hope everyone else is having a happy gamble free day.

Hiya

I have also had a busy few days and did my have time to get on chat or update yesterday. You should be really proud of yourself for today. It’s wonderful that you got everything you wanted and still had money left over. Think of all the new bits of clothing you could get k er the next few months with something to show for your money. 

I think it’s pretty normal to have the highs and lows in mood especially at the beginning of the journey but I’m sure they will get better the further along we are. 

I hope you’ve had a good evening. I’m really proud of the way you handled today - we can do this one day at a time!

Lonely x

Thanks lonely, yes we can do this! Hope your doing ok. 

Been thinking of gambling alot today but kept busy and didn't give in to urges. It was when I was at the till in the shop, looking at the scratch cards and really wanted to buy one, they've been a big problem for me for a long time, buying them almost daily for about 10 years, never just one at a time, I dont know why I bother, never had a big win and dont even expect to, I just really enjoy doing them. I always used to hide them in the bottom of recycling until my husband lost something once and started looking through the box, he couldn't believe how many were there, telling me to add them all up and see how much money I'd wasted, felt really embarrassed. He knows about my gambling and is very understanding but that seemed to shock him, after that I started scratching them in the car and getting rid before I came home. I know they wont seem like a big problem to most people but for me it just shows how I always manage to go way to far. They'll probably be my biggest temptation through out this as they're the only thing I cant put blocks in place with. 

Everything else good though, walked my daughter to her judo lesson and back after school instead of driving, always makes me feel better, then home for a nice tea and now going to have some treats and a movie night, thought I'd quickly update now before I'm ordered to switch off my phone.

Hi The fun

Glad to hear you are still gamble free. It is tough even with blocks in place but it does make it that much easier. I’m happy you got past the urges and resisted the temptation. It’s a tricky one with scratch cards as like you said there are no blocks you can put in place for those easily other then maybe only taking out enough cash with you to get the things you need. I have only bought a scratch card once or  twice ever from a shop and they really don’t interest me but can imagine if it was something you enjoyed that it is tough! I guess lots of will power will be required and also think about your day tally and try and remember that all your hard work to get there would be undone. I am very much a target person so find something like that would help. I’ve just joined the 100 day club and that is my focus to achieve 100 days. Then another target. When you get urges maybe come on the site to distract you, whatever gets you through it. 

It sounds like you have a nice evening in store. I’ve just got in from work so going for an hours snooze before joining chat at 8pm. When you get the chance you should try and join; it really does help. 

I hope you have a good evening and here is to another day gamble free. 

Lonely x

Hi The fun

 I hope you’re having a good weekend. Just wanted to see how you are getting on? 

Lonely x

Thank lonely, yes had a nice weekend, hope you have too, not had chance to catch up on your diary yet but will soon.

Still keeping busy, had a family party to go to today that was lovely,  really enjoyed seeing everyone. 

Havnt actually been thinking much about gambling, I've been worrying more about this virus then anything else, its definitely not good for my anxiety! I feel like I should be getting some shopping incase we have to self isolate but the thought of very busy supermarkets makes my feel sick, it's how I get every Christmas, knowing I need to shop but absolutely dreading it, only worse now because of germs. I wont moan on about it on here to much though as I'm sure most people are sick of hearing about.

Hope everyone has had a good weekend, free from gambling and all the bad that comes with it.

Hi the Fun

Thank you for your post of support. I’m glad to hear you are keeping busy and still gf - that makes two of us! ?

Thankfully after the awful dream I had no inclination to want to gamble or had any thoughts other then thinking I don’t ever want to feel like that again. Maybe it was a little reminder of how awful it can make you feel; well that’s how I’m looking at it anyway. 

Been busy myself so not been on here quite as much. I hope you are well and staying safe. 

Lonely x

Thanks lonely, havnt been on here much, but I'm still gamble free! 

Stuck in the house alot so I'm really glad I have online blocks as that would be my biggest problem at the minute, I have picked up my phone a couple of times and wished I could play bingo online, thankfully I cant. So think I'm safe for now. 

Just a quick update, hope everyone else is doing well.

Hi The fun

Really glad to hear you’re still gamble free. That’s great! I am too! Won’t be long and it will be a month already. ?

I think given everything at the moment it is essential for anyone to have online blocks at the minute as this is sure going to be an endurance test of patience and sanity for a lot of people, myself included. Then add in gambling to the mix and it’s likely to be catastrophic as financially, it’s going to be difficult for so many over the next few months and that’s just staying on the straight and narrow - no room for slip ups.

This will also be an opportunity to try and find different things to pass the time that we enjoy, because I imagine, a lot of free time we will have. 

Glad your doing well! Lonely x

38 days gamble free! I know it's been in unusual circumstances and I must confess one night I did try to gamble online when i was having a really bad day but i knew i couldn't due to my blocks. I know with everything going on all bingo halls and bookies are shut anyway but I could have bought scratch cards and lottery tickets and havnt so I know I'm doing well. Hoping everyone is finding not gambling a little easier now everywhere shut. My days are very busy now my daughter's off school, trying to keep her entertained is a full time job, I'm missing seeing my family and friends far more than I'm missing gambling so hopefully once this is over my priorities will change for good.

Hi the fun has stopped 

Thank you for posting on my diary. I was wondering how you were getting on as I hadn’t seen anything from you for a while. I’m really happy to hear your still gamble free. Keep up all the hard work, it is definitely worth it. 

Must be hard work being at home all day now you’re daughter is off school and no where to go but the opportunity of spending so much quality time together isn’t to be missed. Even though my daughters 21, I have really enjoyed spending some quality time with her. I believe in making the most of this opportunity, especially with nearly all avenues of gambling off limits. 

Hooe you’re having a good Easter weekend!

Lively

Thanks lively, yes iam making the most of spending time together, lots of baking, crafts, cuddles and movies.

Day 41! I've started enjoying spending money now, in the past when ive stopped gambling I have kept spending like I'm struggling, not wanting to buy things I consider expensive or a waste of money, I'd always look for special offers or sales. I know its mad considering how much I'd actually waste on gambling but I just got so used to living like that. So the last few times id stopped, I saved nearly every penny then when I relapsed and gambled again I would spend all of what id saved. This times different, I'm still being sensible in keeping a little back for any emergencies but I'm enjoying the extra I have, spent alot on a massive leg of lamb for our dinner today and lots of nice treats, it's made the day so lovely. I've also treat myself to a very expensive new Hoover, it feels good. Making so many changes this time, I just know that this is it now. Hope everyone else is having a good Easter!

Day 45! Feeling really down today, all I can think about is gambling, just want to log in to a favourite old site and  lose myself for hours! I physically cant do that so decided to come on here instead. I've coped well the last few weeks but thinking of another 3 weeks like this is really depressing me, I feel selfish for thinking like this as I know there are alot of people in far worse situations then me, but I cant help it. There are other (better) ways to cheer myself up but I feel tired and have no motivation at the minute. I know these feelings will pass but until then I'll just have to wait!

Hi the fun has stopped 

Sorry to hear you’re having a down day. It is really difficult having such big changes to our daily lives but it will get better, it’s just a matter of time which I know it frustrating for some. 

Well done on getting to 45 days, that’s huge progress from when we were talking in the first few days and you should be proud. I’m also glad you have blocks in place to stop you acting on those urges, you may feel down today but if you were able to act on them, tomorrow would be a darn sight worse. I think we will all have our up and down days sadly as that is part of the addiction but the main thing is to keep fighting and to keep coming back here to remind us why we’re doing this in the first place. It will be so worth the fight even if you can’t see it today, there are better days to come. X

Lively

Thanks lively, I'm so grateful for this site and the blocks I have in place, without them I wouldn't have lasted a week! The urges passed and my day got a little better, nice food, sat on the front in the sun for a while and now watching some TV. Not a great or very productive day but at least I wont be waking up in the morning to an empty bank account, feeling sick and worrying about how I'm going to buy food for the rest of the month! Feeling low passes alot faster when I dont create real problems by gambling.