Staying out of the ZONE (T2)

Well done on 3 weeks Tara,

Keep strong and positive. and keep winning.

Suzanne xxx

So good to see one reply on here , thx Susanne. I had such a hard couple of days and I want to give in. It's now day 23 and I'm so darned tired and my head hurts. Emotions and challenges around a pretty good relationship with my bf but it just seems so much harder for me than it has to be. any upset seems to effect me stronger that necessary. It's sad that I have this kind of emotional body. I wish I were more balanced, confident and stronger. Anyway. This is as real as it gets. T2

Hi tara, Well done on your 23 days !. I also got very tired in the early stages , my head felt as though it was going to explode some days .

I think it's that were trying to concentrate so hard on our recovery , it becomes quite draining and where we used to run to gambling for comfort instead of dealing with real life , we can't do that anymore , we have to deal with our emotions head on ?.

It does pass , I'm coming up for 3 months on monday and the fog has definately lifted and life has become much clearer now !

Stick with it tara , youre doing great .

Best wishes ..................Alan

Next wednesday will be one month. Can I look that far ahead and stay odaat. Maybe note that it will be one month and it means nothing if I am not odaat in this moment and staying strong for myself and those I love and those I work with. I sense that I may loose things that are important to me if I continue to give up. It's not easy. It's thursday I'm writing this and I have some work today. I am on craigslist every day looking for oportunity . I am ready to try new things in order to start creating life in a different way. The steps are small, very small. T2

You are ding fine Tara, small steps and one day at a time, and stuff will slowly fall into place, without you initially realising :))

Keep going, and keep strong.

Suzanne xxx

Thx. Suzanne. I like what you said about things falling into place without initially realising it. I'm riding the edge it seems . The odaat will make me stronger each day as things begin to shift. T2 Blessings all

Hi Tara,
Congratulations on starting a diary and well done for abstaining for nearly a month, it shows that you have had enough, ten years of gambling pain and you have been strong enough to say enough is enough, I want to quit.

The first few weeks are always emotional, hang in there, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to.

One reason i gambled was to escape to a fantasy world where i didnt have to think or feel. When i stopped, the emotions came flooding back, pain regret, shame, depression , it all felt like my head was spinning so fast it was going to explode.

Step by step, day by day it gets better. Keep reading and posting, there are many kind people on here who will help.
Paulds

Thanks so much Paulds. Today was a better day when the magic was kicking in but I know that each day is so different. Such is life. I know what you are saying about the emotions and the spinning head. thx. for sharing. I'll keep trying to read more posts and share about my own journey. I hope to connect with more people on this site. T2

Well done on your recovery Tara. Most of us in here have been addicts for years and have tried on many occasions to quit. Being on this forum and reading our fellow CG's diaries is a reminder that we're all in the same boat, had similar experiences and most importantly we will not be judged but be supported through our recovery. Wishing you all the best xx

Today, Sunday a.m., I had those feelings and urges to just get out there and play the machines. I ended up meditating with a cup of coffee from the coffee shop that I waked to at 6 a.m. I sat in my little minimalistic cavelike cabin on the floor. I was able to calm myself and then to shed tears. I realise that so much of my pain comes from inadequacy , feeling like I am less than younger women who have all the nicer things to wear and make themselves attractive and my boyfriend really likes things that I am not. This is very personal but so much of my energy goes into devaluation of myself as a worthy woman. People would not guess that perhaps. Okay. Anyone else want to devulge their inner most crisis. I have more issues than this one but it comes up constantly when I am in a relationship. I'm going to post this. But it's so hard. It's hard to be vulnerable. It's hard to start over at this age and build my life and finances/means of supporting myself. I've gotten complacent and withdrawn. I feel like I'm not really living life the way I would hope. I can do this! It's 28 days tomorrow. T2

Thanks Tara, you're right, to gamble I have to make a number of bad choices, tomorrow hopefully I'll start making the right choices, I need to get away from the comfort blanket of gambling when things go wrong. Well done on your 27 days, just remember we're probably better people than we see ourselves.

Got cha spud. The comfort blanket. If you don't mind me saying. What first comes to mind is that what seems like comfort ends up being the gambling blanket of suffocation. The sun rises with new hope each day, yes, that's for sure. thx. for your post spud.

Congratulations on 4 weeks Tara2! A fantastic effort, you are doing so well.
Just take it day by day, each day sees us get that little bit stronger, another layer gets added to our suit of armour.
Together we can do this, I remember when I first stopped i burst into tears one evening, where did that come from?Men don't cry! I had bottled so much up it burst out of me.
I don't know you but I do know that you are a special person for going 4 weeks without gambling. Give yourself a pat on the back, you deserve it.

Get those blocks in if you can, blocking software, self exclusion from casinos. It is embarrassing when you do it but you will feel empowered afterwards.

Counselling can help deal with the head exploding momentos, as can many of the kind posters on this site.
Stay safe and strong.
Paulds

28 days. Today I feel nauseous from the pull to go gamble and seeing one month gf tugging at one another. When I tell myself I can not do something it makes me want to break that tie and just do it. I hate restraint. Recovery has to be about something much deeper than restraint. T2

Fight the nausea, it's only a feeling & coming out the other side of these battles gives us something to be proud of! 4 weeks is a fantastic platform to build a better future from!

Don't believe the hype gambling is telling you! Tell yourself you can't make your windows sparkle or can't collect 10 smiles from strangers & go do stuff like that if you need to...Gambling is a won't so let the addiction go whistle!

Recovery is about so much more than restraint but you will figure it all out in due course if you just keep making these great choices - ODAAT