Staying Strong to end the misery .

Finally got that treble up! I like that! You have proven that you can beat an addiction and stay clean! Let this be another example of that. I wish you all the best!

Day 29 . Just been taking the night air for a couple of hours by the pier . So peaceful it was unreal .

Full moon in the southern sky , its brilliant white light illuminating the rippling waters of the river .

Low tide so no ships passing but the buoys and leading lights flashing and ready to help guide the ships and boats later .

A couple of gulls in the mud above the shoreline looking for their supper .

A lovely reminder how wonderful the world can be .

I think there are windows of opportunity in our life to make changes , I believe I am at one of those windows now .

With GamCare on one shoulder and my angels on the other , what could possibly go wrong !

I willingly accept responsibility for my actions . I have made a conscious decision not to gamble again . Life is a gamble , I will get my pleasure from life itself .

Time to start living the dream .

Hello diary . Not feeling on top of the world but it will pass . My brain hurts . First counselling session for my gambling is at 1400 so maybe apprehensive about that . I guess everybody has off days . Goodnews is I have no inclination to have a bet .

Best wishes for your session, I had my assessment yesterday but it was really helpful. Made me look at myself from a different angle for sure. Like you say the not feeling great does pass so hope you feel cheerier soon. Take care S 🙂

Thankyou Sharon and Maybenow for your lovely posts in my diary . Your kind words make me stronger . Wishing you success and happiness in your recoveries .

Really enjoyed my Counselling this afternoon . Got loads of my chest and found the counsellor really helpful and supportive . Very beneficial . Looking forward to further sessions ( I can have up to 12 ) ...... stephen x x

Glad the counselling went well Stephen.

A month gamble free! 1/12 of the year. How fantastic! You're doing well buddy.

Isn't life peaceful and relaxing without the tension of gambling. A much happier life.

Keep it up Stephen! 🙂

Morning Diary . Feeling great . 30 days since I last had a bet , feeling confident that I can now stop gambling .

Really enjoyed my first one to one counselling session yesterday . Will have as many as is needed , up to 12 sessions . Afterwards went to the gym for a swim and a steam which is also a therapy for me .

Last night went to G A for the first time in over a year , good to share time with friends who can relate to my battle against gambling addiction .

Hoping that all my friends in GamCare have a good , gamble free weekend .

Dear Stephen,

So glad you enjoyed your counselling session and G A last night, so glad you are doing lots of lovely things and so glad you are still gambling free.

I loved your poem from post 47, it is beautiful.

The pier you visit where you look over the humber sounds truly special, I think it is important for us all to find places we can go and just be.

Hope you have a beautiful day today.

Hi there, glad you found the counselling useful, it'S good for someone to look at things outside the box. I had the assessment Thurs and the lady really made me think properly about the answers to her questions and about mysrlf. It felt a bit self indulgent at first but I really need Congrats on 30 days what a milestone!! Enjoy the rest of your weekend S 🙂

Thankyou Moorey , ' Who am I ' , Sharon and Maybenow . Really appreciate your posts In my diary yesterday , your support and encouraging thoughts have been a godsend to me over the weekend .

I was feeling good saturday morning on reaching the 30 day milestone .

The last 24 hours however have seen me depressed , anxious and worrying about everything and anything .

Waking up with disturbing dreams during the night so at 05 00 went for a 2 hour walk to the pier to try and clear my thoughts . Arrived home at 07 00 , had a coffee and nodded off for a few hours .

Starting to rally now and my head is clearing . Planning to go for a swim this afternoon ...... stephen

Sorry to hear you've had a rough 24hrs Stephen.

All I can say really is hang in there it will get better.

I'm glad to see you've had a long walk. I imagine it was beautiful at that time in the morning with the birds waking up, few people around and the bright morning light. Undisturbed. Peaceful.

I'm also glad you've had a nap, it sounds like you've really been suffering being left with your thoughts. I also think too much and it can be so mental exhausting at times.

I hope you are feeling better, but even if your not please hang in there, you will feel better.

Thinking of you.

Unfortunately I think it takes time to ride out the ups and downs in our heads, but really great that you put in the diversions to stop you gambling.Big respect for being strong enough to deal with these bad times. Hope you feel better now and in the future you'll know that it will pass. Take good care of yourself S:)

sorry to hear you've been having anxiety. I wonder if counselling has made things come to the sub conscious. Sounds like you did the best thing possible in going for a long walk. I've always loved walking, especially early morning. You are doing so well - remember if you can beat nicotine and alcohol you can beat gambling. Stay strong but be kind to yourself. Xx

Thankyou ' Who am I ' , Sharon and Annie for your encouraging words and feedback . Guess I will.get these black clouds floating over from time to time as everyone does . Trouble has been in the past when I've used it as an excuse to gamble .

Feeling good now though and look forward to day 32 tomorrow ...... stephen x

DAY 32 . Morning Diary . Looking forward to the week ahead , committed to a future free from gambling .

Forever sounds a long time and a bit daunting , so I will remain strong and focus on today , which is also tomorrows yesterday .

Quite possible some peoples words or actions might get up my nose , if so I wont let it get me down and definitely won't let it affect my recovery . I aim to be kind to myself and considerate to others .

Going to try for a chilled out week . I will listen to my Angels and take in the wisdom of friends in the GamCare forum . Like me they are facing a massive challenge .

I won't try to be something I'm not . I will accept myself for what I am , endeavour to realise my true potential and strive to be hopeful , happy and contented .

I am stephen ..... I am responsible for my actions .... I can choose to gamble or not to gamble .... I choose not to gamble .