Staying Strong to end the misery .

Morning Diary and a big high five to all the me's of the future who will look back on the early days of our gamble free life .

Had a bad spell in the early hours of this morning . Remorse , confusion , fear , uncertainty , doubts , shame , greed , selfishness , self loathing , bitterness and feelings of inadequacy ; they all came hammering on my door with baseball bats a hollering and a yelling and screaming blue murder . ( Note , I do sometimes exaggerate ) .

Its passed now and I feel ever more confident than ever my gambling days are over . Nothings gonna stop me now .

I am stephen , a recovering compulsive gambler . Today I choose not to gamble .

Dear Stephen,

I'm sorry to hear your emotions took a decline this morning. Dust yourself off. Challenge those irrational thoughts of your low worth and inadequacy when they come, uninvited to your door. You are on one of the rockiest missions in life, you are STRONG, otherwise you would not be walking this path. Look back at how far you have come. These feelings will pass. One day you will forgive yourself and celebrate your iron resilience. What a fire you have passed through. You are an inspiration!

Many thanks Lightsout . I liked your saying " one day you will forgive yourself " , that alone is something wonderful to strive for . Felt very negative all day but that might be down to it being dull and raining . Take care , wishing you happy days ... stephen

So sorry to hear you had a bad episode earlier, you're not alone to be honest. I feel like an emotional yoyo when I feel like I've hit a middle ground from nowhere comes a black cloud. But as long as we don't gamble we can make it through, also you have such a command of words I wondered if you are interesting poetry? Hang on in there and we'Lloyd get there togetherm take care S 🙂

Thankyou Sharon . I think of friends on the forum as my GamCare family , happy to read positive stories of recovery and sad to see friends struggling . Everyone battling to overcome this insidious illness of gambling addiction , many wonderful people who lost their way and are struggling to get their lifes back . We are all different . Our personalities and viewpoints are different but we are all travelling the same road and we all have our story to tell .

Hi Stephen ,

Good afternoon. Just read your entire diary . You've had some good progress ! First of all a very big well done and congratulations for staying gamble free . I know that you've had ups and downs like myself and any others here I guess . Keep up the good work sir. You're very inspiring ! I hope you can drop by on my diary too !

Tomorrow your half a century GF! Keep fighting and never look back 🙂

Thank you,

Sars

Thank you so much Sars , really appreciate your support and encouragement . Fifty days without a bet and I am feeling good . The wisdom , support and inspiration of friends like yourself has really boosted my confidence and self belief .

50 Days since I last had a bet and feeling quite relieved . Also works pension in bank today so can see some progress on the financial front .

Don't want to put a dampener on my celebrations but the above to me is 2 possible excuses for a relapse .

Going to be a happy day for me but must be on my guard , I know from the past how the addiction can catch me unawares with catastrophic results . Will make sure I keep busy and get to a GA meeting tonight .

Love to all my friends and fellow travellers . Your support has been my rock , keeping me afloat when things got rough .

Morning Stephen, I indeed understand the temptations here but 100% believe that you are committed and strong enough to resist.?You have made amazing progress...50 whole days, whilst providing inspiration and positivity to all You really are an asset to the forum, happy Friday and take care S 🙂

Ps sorry that ? Was supposed to be a ! Silly predicted text S

Thanks for that post . Wishing you every happiness , wherever destiny leads you it will be better without the gambling demons tormenting at every twist and turn . Take care , have a good weekend , be kind to Sharon she is a wonderful lady .

I believe GamCare is my last hope as I've tried everything else . Sure I couldn't cope with another relapse , even the thought of any more gambling misery really freaks me out . Such a disgrace , worked hard all my life and ended up @ 66 in this sorry state . Don't think it will hinder my recovery to say I am thoroughly ashamed , however I will dust myself down and get on with it , not that I have any other option . Haha good news is i'm still standing and ready to give it my best shot .

Wishing you a great weekend , your destiny awaits you Sharon .

.....In return be kind to yourself. We are all in the same boat here having to deal with regret, guilt, self loathing etc while still fighting against gambling. Personally I am feeling fretful and all over the place today but know if a I gambled I'd be 100 times worse. Keep doing what your doing, 50 days is amazing and in another 50 days you'lo feel even better. Take care and don't beat yourself up mentslly (she says, that's what I'very been doing all day 🙁 ) S:)

Do you know what's better than 50 days gamble free?...51 days gamble free! Keep going Stephen, just read your diary from beginning to now, you are doing great and I love your style of writing x

Many thanks Casey . Great that you are gamble free for 804 Days . My 50 Days should have been a cause for celebration but I have felt awful the last 24 hours with stomach cramps and headaches , don't know if its something I ate or a kickback from the addiction . It will pass however , I feel inspired by your post and your 804 Days GF and am determined to follow your example .

Well done on the half century mate!!! Think back to what you were feeling 50 days ago!...

Why would anyone ever want to go back there again?...

Hope you're getting over your stomach cramps and are able to celebrate the milestone in some way.