Steady as she goes!

Hi Weldy,

20 years to find a solution which suits you to help conquer this demon.....recovery diary is part of your recovery process and I absolutely agree. It's not to be underestimated, too right.

Your passion for success is obvious and should be applauded. You have a great style that reaches out to many, it really helps me.

I have done some research into behaviour, I'm not one to overanalyse things. I wish I could push gambling into my subconscious like some terrible trauma one suffered when young. It the motivational mind which releases it again and it's that which I fear. We all have our own coping mechanisms and as for you this site has been paramount in helping me change. You know I struggled at first...reading stuff I didn't like, awful stuff posted about me and my family circumstances...and yet I came back....I'm still here and I'm in it for the long haul.

I hope you are still posting in 20 years Weldy, helping yourself and many others in the process. I hope to be here with you too.

Your friend...Jas x

Hi Weldy,

I think your previous posts was one of the most powerful I have read on here in my three months ( that is three 3,3,3,3) on here. This forum is an incredibly powerful vehicle in helping one to stop gambling. I am testament to that. In 30 years my best efforts to stop have been days. I am now on day 90 odd ( even losing count now, which is good). However it has been the singlemost difficult thing I have ever tried to do in my life and I am light years away from feeling ok from the damage. Really enjoy your posts and if your around posting in 20 years I'll be here to read. Cheers.

Hi Weldy and so true about posting on here to keep focused. It is too easy to think after a few weeks that we are strong enough to cope out in the big wide world without any support.

By reading the diaries, especially of the newbies, it is a constant reminder of that first post we made and how distraught we felt when writing it. How we were calling out for a supportive word to encourage us that we could beat this horrible addiction.

Thank u for bringing the subject up and reminding us to keep that focus and like u say the only way is to give this forum going.

Lv Min

Weldy

That message meant a lot to me - you show so much understanding and what you said makes a lot of sense.

I have been giving some conscious thought to betting again with control but then I have tried in the past and failed. What I have never had as you mentioned is this prolonged period away from gambling and that entire world, to truely be reflective and examine my own reasons behind it.

I have now no means by which to get into more debt as all my credit cards are gone and closed and I am trying to think in a rational way if I would ever have the self control to bet again without losing the plot.

On the other hand I know there are mountains of evidence to suggest I would end up back at square one again.

Its tricky and I am not taking the choice lightly but as you aid - i couldnt go on as unhappy as I was earlier in the week.

Anyway enough about me - you are being so strong and steadfast throughout your recovery that I have so much admiration and respect for you.

Not just that but you are never patronising or overbearing in what you say - just caring and responsive.

You're a true star!

Lots of Hugs

Eyes X

To all my friends, on this occasion to Jas, City, CC & LE particularly. Thanks for your words, it reinforces my own need for being here and writing.

Tonight, I wanted to write about how I am feeling myself. I feel bl***y fantastic!!!

Since abstaining from gambling and starting my recovery, I have seen the improvements in myself. I feel like a new person.

I am more controlled, more responsive, calmer, have been enjoying my work (too much at times! lol) and generally really on top of my game.

Without the other distractions, I feel more confident and able to really make things happen. It's a truly great feeling. I now know why I had to stop gambling.

I will not allow myself to become complacent, but I will still live by my main rule - ODAAT.

Good night all, hope you all have a great, gamble-free day tomorrow.

Weldy

Hi Euphoric Weldy,

I think you are doing great....20+ years remember!

Jas x

Hi Weldy,

Am happy that your feeling in a good place at the moment. Contentment breeds contentment. Like you i am very much of the opinion that whatever works to stay stopped then keep doing it. As with you I like to write my thoughts.. it focusses my mind. Sometimes i do not know where my thoughts will go but thats ok.

When i was gambling I did not "think" I lived in an idle dream like state pressing buttons and taking in the flashing lights and noises. I was not required to use my grey matter. In writing this I am required to think and reflect and that can only be a good thing. All the best to you and your on-going recovery.. S.A 🙂

You're doing great my friend - so glad you feel calm and collected. Long may it last.

Have a happy friday!

Eyes XXX

Hi All,

There is always a danger on this site that what people write will be controversial in some way to someone.

I am very careful when I post, to relate what I write back to my own situation and past experiences, thereby writing from a personal angle, and not necesarily directing the point full in the face of someone else, although sometimes I do that too.

I write my post, read it through, read it again and even edit the post sometimes immediately after it's posted.

But this is an open forum, and people can and do write whatever they think, right or wrong?

We build relationships with people on here, and sometimes know or think we know how someone else's mind is working. Sometimes right, sometimes wrong?

Right or Wrong? Who knows, but I'd rather be posting something than never posting at all.

Weldy

Hi Weldy

Keep up the great work, I'll catch up with you some more over the weekend.

LA

Morning,

Today is D-Day. No, i don't mean Derby Day! It's the 65th anniversary of the allied forces landing in Normanday that signalled the beginning of the end of WW2.

I have just been watching a programme about the events on D-Day which was extremely interesting. I don't think I have paid much attention to history since I left school. (1985 for the record)

It reminded me of how people were different in those days, how they could come together and face up to things in a way in which our society just doesn't seem to be able to do anymore.

People have largely become just too inherantly selfish, greedy and wrapped up in their own worlds.

When I think about my gambling past, it saddens me a little to think that those people laid down their lives to rid the world of some lunatic like Hitler who threatened our very existence. (I wonder if that is the first reference to the evil dictator ever written on the gamcare website!) To maintain a free world, and yet I think that they would look down on what has been created and be somewhat disappointed.

Anyway, before I get carried away and go off into some ridiculous ramble, back to my point.

This forum has in many ways all the hallmarks of something good and important. It brings together people, who through their gambling problem, in a form of fellowship, support and community that is sadly lacking in 90% of the outside world.

It is hard to get such support on a 24hr basis. Other forms of support are often weekly, sometimes daily but rarely available 24hrs.

But for posting on this forum, I'd almost certainly be posting money, on the morning dogs at whatever track they happen to be racing.

Thankfully I am not. I am instead posting on my diary which I really am pleased to have found.

It's given me back my life, given me back my brain, and given me back my humanity.

Life is just so much more enjoyable

It seems just so incredible right now how deeply gambling sucked me in and engulfed my very soul to the extent that it did. I still own a half share in a racehorse and the last few times that it has run it has wore blinkers.

Maybe, I should have asked my trainer if he wanted to use the set that I had tightly wrapped around my head!!!

Tomorrow, I shall achieve something that I have never achieved before. 50 days without gambling.

My achievement is because of this forum, because of gamcare, because of my new friends and supporters, my partner and because of myself. My real self, not the old one.

Thank you.

Weldy

HI Kev

Thanks for the support been having problems with connection seems ok now just read your last couple of posts and I think that you are right people can sometimes be a little insensitive although I do believe that they mean to cause the hurt they could do with re-reading there posts before sending.

Check your last post a whopper but well written Take care Danm

hi kevin

i enjoyed reading your last post,and brilliant on reaching 50 days.but its all down to you,you decieded enough was enough,sure this forum helps,helps me greatly aswell,but its down to the individual to stop and them only,so take something from this achievement,something to be very proud of.look forward to seeing you hit the 500 day milestone,but always remember one day a time,i dont make the "complaicency" mistake,which i think i sadly did.without realising,but never again!!wishing you all the very best in beating this awful addiction

neil

Hi all,

Feel drained as it's now so late.

Just wanted to post to myself - to thank myself for my effort - for not gambling for 50 days.

I'm happy and will sleep well.

Weldy

Monday morning blues again!

Felt fine when I went to bed, now I feel a bit downhearted. Going to London and then Kent for a site visit and then a meeting. So won't be back until late this evening, so no gambling opprtunities anyway, so I'm sure I'll be fine.

Had a slightly unsettling discusssion with my g/f last night, when discussing my progress so far. I was fairly pleased with myself, but my g/f was feeling al little peeved at my "new" attitude towards money.

It seems that I have become somewhat "tight" in my attitude towards spending. I suppose when I was gambling, I was a lot more carefree in that, at times when I was winning I would be free and easy with spending a few quid. Obviously that changed when I was losing money, but now it seems that because there are no Ups & Downs, I never seem to want to spend any money at all.

Tried to explain that I am "on a mission" i.e. trying to put the finances right but in doing so I seem to have put pressure on her so that she feels unable to spend any money herself for fear of me criticising her.

Wasn't really aware of this and I'm not really sure what this means to me and my recovery. There's so much to this recovery thing, you think you are doing well and then something like this comes up and makes you feel like c*** again.

Oh well, she's fine about it, just wanted to have her say and make a point. I'll have to think of ways to deal with this. Also seemed a bit wrong as I've spent more money this weekend than I have in the last two months taking the kids out, buying a garden shredder and all sorts.

Still, at least I didn't waste any money gambling - that's the main thing for the moment!

Weldy