“I had looked for happiness in fast living, but it was not there. I tried to find it in money, but it was not there either. But when I placed myself in tune with what I believe to be the fundamental truths of life, when I began to develop my limited ability, to rid my mind of all kinds of tangled thoughts, and fill it with zeal and courage and love, when I gave myself a chance by treating myself decently and sensibly, I began to feel the stimulating, warm glow of happiness.”
Edward Young quotes (English literary Critic, Poet and Dramatist, 1683-1765)
Jas x
Hi Weldy,
Just to comment on something you said a few posts ago. Its true that people come and go quite regularly and sometimes I find myself wondering what happened to them? What i also find though is that I soon read and relate to someone new and from that my recovery is once more renewed. I take what i need and give where I feel i can help. It all helps me to continue to keep the gambling monster within at bay. All the best in recovery.. S.A
Nothing much to report. Still checking in on some diaries to see how things are going.
Weldy
I was out playing golf yesterday with my friend of many years. He asked me how the recovery was going to which I answered "good" and he asked me how long since my last bet.
I actually had to count the days back, 109 to be exact which was quite astonishing. I hadn't realised that I had actually lost count!
Things have changed so much in that time, so much for the better. I no longer mope around thinking about "losses", counting in my head my latest profit & loss position or planning my next attack on the gambling front.
It's just calm and peaceful here and progress on the debts is being made.
My tax bill became due on 1st August, and by the due date 66% has been paid before the due date. I hope to get the rest paid by the end of September. That will be the end of Plan "A" and then I can move onto plan "B", which is to clear my other debt by the end of 2009. I don't think it's really possible, but I'm going to give it my best shot and if it takes 2 or 3 months longer, then so be it.
Then I will be able to move onto plan "C" which is to start saving a deposit to buy a house, a long term plan that would never have been possible, ever, had I continued to gamble.
The moral of my essay! to my self, is that things really can change with the right effort, the right frame of mind, the right plans!
I'd never thought this possible when I was gambling, you cannot see the wood for the trees. Your mind is wobbly and you cannot plan for the future.
I'd just like to thank my friends on the gamcare forum for helping me through the hard times at the start of my recovery, and though i don't post as much as I did in the beginning, I am still here, still reading almost every day and posting a little less frequently.
Next Saturday, my friend is getting married and I am the "best man". It's been a long time since I actually felt it was a title that I deserved, but right now, I feel it's something that I have earned!
Take care all.
Weldy
Hi Weldy.
Did you enjoy your star bar?
You seem to be putting things in order my friend. Your list of "to do's" is really positive. It shows the gambling "fuzzy" head is clearing......that's great to see.
I reckon you will make a super best man....are you going to sing?
These days I seem to be lost for words on diaries...and I don't know why. I always think of you as we came on here at a similar time...so even if I don't post much I am thinking about your recovery, means a lot to me.
Take care Weldy.............Jas xx
Hi Weldy,
Good to hear that recovery is progressing as you would want... keep up that momentum.
I think the England cricket team are the ones with the fuzzy heads. I shall not be watching there journey to rock bottom today lol All the best in recovery.. S.A 🙂
Weldy
Well done on your continued recovery, keep it up!
DT
Hi Weldy
Hope you are ok, just wanted to thankyou for your post and taking the time to read my diary.
take care ands
I managed to lose my wallet on Saturday night! Nightmare!
Having had a big panic on Sunday morning (it woke me at 6am) because we had no money and I needed petrol, I eventually retrieved the wallet from the same taxi driver who had dropped me & my g/f***f at 2am! Lucky you may say, though unfortunately we had already cancelled the bank cards by then! 7-10 days they say for new cards!
Still, better than having the constant thoughts that someone was running around out there trying to spend our cash!
It reminded me of how it felt to lose when I was gambling. It's really unsettling when you lose something.
Alls well that ends well on this occasion.
Weldy
It always seems to me that the situations that we are all in vary so much from person to person.
And yet, we all have the same underlying problem in our lives in the form of gambling.
Recently someone wrote, or I heard it somewhere, that gambling doesn't care about the wealth of those who gamble.
Even if the sums have a few more noughts on them, the effects of gambling are still the same.
The things that happen to us are pretty much the same, regret, guilt, disappointment, failure, isolation, lack of purpose - all these kind of feelings and more.
It's not the amount gambled but what it does to our lives and how it affects us, relative to our situations.
Sometimes it gets real hard to resist temptation, but resist we must.
Weldy
Another day, another dollar! No gambling, just hard work and effort to achieve something.
I have worked hard to get my life back on an even keel (so to speak) so I'm just not prepared to risk that with gambling.
Continued effort is required, one day at a time. Onwards.
Weldy
Just seems that everybody is a bit fed up and depressed. Lack of summer I blame!
Lots of people have disappeared from the forum, seems quiet and like only a few people remain actively posting. Guess that's just what happens from time to time.
My horse finally runs Saturday, and as I will be at a wedding I won't be able to watch it anyway.
Weldy
Not fed up and depressed here! 🙂
Your quite right though.. people come and go.. only a handful stick around.. its a tough addiction of course.. the initial enthusiasm for recovery fades quickly for some.. not for you though by the looks of it and not for me either.
All the best to your continued recovery... S.A 🙂
Cheers SA for your comments.
Day 115 - Far more days than I thought possible when I started on my recovery. Things have improved immensely, not as fast as I would like, but that's just because I am a little impatient.
Have done well to make this kind of progress, but it's just very difficult to stick with it as there was so much fall out from the gambling to make up for, that it seems to be taking forever. I have plans - parts A, B & C that I wish to achieve. 115 days on and I am still on part A, and will be for at least another 30 days at least. Still, it's good to have plans and that's the main thing, after all I have been "drifting" for the last 20 years or so.
Looking forward to completing Part A - without wishing my life away, roll on another 30 days!
Wedding and best man speech approaches, so I had better get on with it.
Weldy
Hi Weldy,
Thanks for the post, and the support, i do try and keep a track on your progress and well done for the 115 days, funny enough my house number, your plans will fall into place I'm sure you seem strong and determined.
keep going weldy, and thanks again.
green x
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