Steady as she goes!

Hello Weldy,

Self employment......very difficult I know. I was self-employed when I was a Chiropodist so I sort of know some of the pressures.

Work these days seems difficult. Pressure upon pressure. I support my hubbie through the daily treadmill!

Can I share a Pearl of Wisdom with you? Well i am going to anyway:-

"The discipline of writing something down is the first step towards making something happen"

Keep posting.

Jas xx

Well, I have just over 2 hours to complete until I make 10 days - double figures!!! Today has been difficult, for a number of reasons.

The first seems to be that yesterday I quite rightly closed down the online betting account that I used to do 99% of my betting on. (The odd 1% was an occasional trip to a betting shop, but I genuinely can't stand them anymore and therefore it isn't a risk to me?) It felt strange, like part of me had been removed. I knew it was the right thing to do, but it still felt hard and I had avoided doing it until 9 days later.

The second is that for twenty years I have gambled on horses and dogs, occasionally on other things, but the former was my vice. This weekend is the first of the "classics" for the year and most years, since 1990 I attend with my friends the meeting and we go away for the weekend. Last night I had to tell my best friend that i could not go. He knows that I am a CG and therefore was fairly understanding and supportive, though i could detect his disappontment. (He doesn't have a gambling problem) This has made me feel a bit c**P and I will miss being there.

The third is a slightly bigger issue and one that I have yet to address. I am a co-owner of a horse in training in Newmarket and she has returned from her winter break. My co-owner told me last night that she is going to be ready to run in a week or so. I am confident that I can either go or watch her run without betting, my g/f will see to that, but I do not know if it is the right thing to do? or if I will be ok to do this so soon? (or even ever?) :o(

I have not watched a single race in 10 days, but prior to then I would usually see every UK race on every day - 7 days a week. It is a huge adjustment, and I am only now getting those feelings, I miss watching racing.

That said, I am not missing the betting. I am strong on that and have been doing extremely well and I am very determined to change my life. I have had a really good time without the worry, stress and time wasting.

But these three things are testing me today, not to make me bet, but to make me question what this recovery means to my life. Can I never watch a race again? Can I never see my horse again? I cannot sell her, because my co-owner will not agree. Do I walk away and not look back? Can I never go racing with my friends again?

I don't know the answers to these questions, nor expect anyone to wave a magic wand and make it all ok. I just need to think carefully about how to handle this.

A little confused - Weldy.

I think "confusion" is all part of the process. I don't especially have any answers to your thoughts and perhaps nor would you expect that. But for what its worth you seem to have started the process of letting go

I think there are many parrallels between giving up gambling and ending a relationship... in the case of gambling a destructive relationship! Do you see what i mean? A process of grieving of loss has to be gone through. Expect to miss gambling.. in time the cravings will fade as you adjust to life without it. Thats been my experince anyway. Just my thoughts at this moment in time. All the best to you and your on-going recovery.. S.A 🙂

Oh Weldy my heart goes out to you. I relate to everything you have said about the guineas etc this week. Its hard to advise. I was where you are about a year ago emotionally.

A wise man once told me - 'Racing is a game of romance, you fall in love with racing, everypart of it - but very few survive the game without heartbreak'

Without disrespecting anyones addictions to other gambling elements - i hold a firm belief that nothing quite envelopes your life like racing when you are truely involved. It becomes part of everything and the ties can rarely be cut because of the relationships within it - be they financial or emotional.

Your ownership is so difficult. You say you can not sell which would have been best but lets deal with you can do. We sponsored races last year during my gamble free period and I went to 2 meetings and did not gamble. I think if I managed that, you can watch your horse running without betting. You must prepare yourself though that if your filly wins - you will be happy for her and your friend and with the prize money. Do not think for a minute about what you could have won had you backed her. Do you think you can do that?

Your friends seem loyal and so I hope would not tempt you into getting involved.

I am going to have a very hard weekend also by not going to hamilton on sunday but lets lean on each other through this.

Firstly you are not going to newmarket and its the best thing right now. Through time you will get stronger in resolve but right now this is a big and important step.

I truely, truely feel for you at this time but please vent on her to me any time - I understand and know I will be feeling the same this week. Lets help each other through it.

Blocking B****** was bound to be unsettling - it was a wee door left open and now your officailly cold turkey.

Oh Kev - stay strong - please.

I really want you to make this.

Eyes X

Thanks SA & LE for your words.

I'll try not to think about it tomorrow, then I'll not be so glum! :o)

Still, 10 days completed and onwards!

Weldy

Day 11 begins and I'm over my rant of yesterday.

Decided a) I needed to close the loophole and b**fair is history, auf wiedersehen to that.

b) I don't need to go to Newmarket, I will have a perfectly good weekend at home. My mate is coming here instead for a BBQ & a few bev's.

c) The horse will run regardless of what I'm doing/thinking and I will decide when the time comes what to do (just for today - it ain't running)

So, onwards and upwards - "to infinity & beyond!"

Apart from that I have a touch of the flu! Good job have no gigs this weekend, as I don't think mt vocal chords are working. Need to get well though as I have 10 gigs in the next 12 weeks! A busy time ahead.

Weldy

Thank you Weldy for the post on my Diary....you are very good a putting things into perspective! I much prefer RG.

So you have a racehorse. I can fully understand your love of horseracing, I used to adore it....it's a very long story why I don't anymore. I will tell you one day. I now sponsor a retired racehorse ...her name is Ocean.

As for the decorating......it's coming along slowly.

I hope you get over your man flu (sorry...cold) soon!

Happier Jas xx

Hiya Kev

You sound more positive today - Im glad.

Pity about your flu/cold/sniffle lol

Hope the voice is back in fine tune asap.

You will no doubt have a lovely barbeque and Im sure you wont regret the big steps you have taken this week.

All the best buddy

Eyes X

Hi Weldy,

How is the man-flu.............taking full advantage of your illness I hope!

You sound a lot happier today. We should be happy it's Friday and a Bank Holiday weekend is upon us. We are going to have a BBQ too....come rain or shine......so I will be thinking of you as I tuck into my kebab.

Thank You for your kindness Weldy and your grounding words of wisdom.

Jas xx

Hi Jas,

I unfortunately have nothing to gain from my man flu! As I am self employed it's no good for any time off and as I am a man, my g/f doesn't count man flu as a genuine complaint!!!

So I will just have to sit here and suffer in silence!!! Thankfully, the symptoms are easing, and I am feeling a little better ty.

The BBQ should be good, I am looking forward to mine, though I have to go out and cut the grass and clean out the BBQ from the last time I used it - last year some time - YUK!!!!

My long standing friend, who I mentioned was a bit disappointed when I told him Wednesday that I couldn't go to Newmarket this weekend, is coming over for the weekend with his g/f, so it was after all the right thing to do.

Weldy

Ummm it's a tough one that. I used to love horse racing and I still do and always will. I will just never ever bet on them again. It's a crying shame I can't as the horses were never a problem , its just all the other cr** that the bookies introduced that was my downfall. Anyway that's me and this is about you. It's early 10 days is early but there are plenty people associated with horse racing who do not bet. Admittedly if you have always had a punt on a race then it is very very hard in the early days.

However if you love the sport and more and more time is spent not gambling on it you will learn to love it again as a sporting event.

In my first clean week I watched Cheltenham and enjoyed it but felt edgy. Then I watched the Aintree meeting and loved it and am now enjoying the flat. I still read the Racing Post occassionally and am interested in the markets of races. Perhaps for me it was a step too far to detach myself completely from racing , so I watch it and enjoy it for what it is. Believe me there have been plenty of times when I have thought 'If only' I had backed that , but it really is not worth it as I would only lose it all and more. Betting ( win or lose) would just wreck the calm I am feeling just now. Your diary sounds as if you are enjoying not betting so keep it up!!!!

Thanks City,

My take on it at present is that in this early stage I will stay away. If my horse runs in a couple of weeks I will re-assess the situation then.

I hope that at some point in the future I will be able to watch the racing without having a bet as I truely do love the sport.

Time will tell, but at least I know one thing right now, I am settled in this gamble free life and not missing the mess that was the old one.

Well done on reaching 59 days.

Weldy

Since the clock has ticked beyond 12 o'clock, I have now reached 11 days and feeling good for it. Weldy

weldy thank you for posting on my diary.

am pleased to see you are staying strong, not easy but it can be done, enjoy your weekend.

G x

Good Mrning Weldy,

Wayyyy the sun is shining for our BBQ. Bought loads of beer for hubbie, so he will be happy later.

I hope you have a great weekend.

Remember we are in control of this......for today at least.......that's all we can do.

Jas xx /(*_*)