Stephen the sad loser

Me too, many regret thoughts and a few urges today but all resisted, ive signed up to gamstop have you?

Thank you for posting on my diary Richy. Yes I have signed up to Gamstop. You have previously managed 914 days without gambling, that was a great achievement and shows what you are capable of.

Hello diary on day two of my gamble free journey.

Still feeling traumatised by my gambling fiasco on Monday. I don't believe I have any mental health issues, reasonably intelligent and definitely don't like having no money. Why than do I choose to give my works pension to the bookmakers time after time after time ????? Well I have 4 weeks to dwell on it and hopefully I will wake up to the absurdity of my actions.

Dont worry Stephen, a relapse yes, but eveytime you have learned from it and increased the barrier, raise the bar again, self exclude from that bookmaker, do everything within your power to stop yourself relapsing again, maybe that was and lets hope it was your last ever pound you put in those 15 hours a day, 364 days a year life wrecking machines. Nothing's impossible I have found, For when my chin is on the ground, I pick myself up, Dust myself off, Start All over again. Don't lose your confidence if you slip, Be grateful for a pleasant trip, And pick yourself up, Dust yourself off, Start all over again. 🙂

Thank you Smashed, like you say I can only start again and make a better job of it. It is good to see you doing so well.

Hello diary. Not the end of the world but my recent gambling episode has frazzled my brain and left me feeling a bit despondent. Starting to wonder if i'm just a lost cause. Excluding from bookies is all well and good but it won't stop me entering places where I am not known.

Not much self belief at the moment but I will try to get my head together.

The self belief will start to build again as you build up a run of gamble free days, Stephen.

Unlike myself, you’ve quickly followed a relapse by coming straight back onto the forum and getting back onto the horse.

You’ve only had a handful of gambling days over the last 8 months which is big progress.

This was never meant to be easy.

Even as I type this, I’m having an urge to gamble....

But I revert back to past happier memories when I’ve been gamble free. I’m good at remembering key dates along past gamble free journies....

For example, I remember going to the cinema with my girlfriend last year when I was on Day 19. I remember having such a great night and being also to look her in the eye without any sort of guilt whatsoever. I felt so at peace and so relaxed. I was really happy.

Think back to happier times during your journies when you were gamble free every time you get an urge or an itch.

That’s what I do.

It’s a fact that our financial situations will get better so long as we don’t gamble.

If we do gamble, they will get worse. Whether it be a slow death over the course of a couple of weeks or a mad half hour at the bookies. It will worsen you financially.

Stay positive, Stephen. We’re all here for you. This is a safe and happy place to be!

Dan

Thank you Dan. I don't even like them stupid roulette machines, they leave my mind in a mess and neglectful to all the things I do like.

When not playing them awful things my quality of life improves dramatically, I am far more at ease with myself and am a better person all round.

My income is sufficient to enjoy a reasonable life but if I gamble I struggle to make ends meet.

Thank you ineffable. I appreciate and take on board your good advice.

Stupidly I got my card back a week ago on the pretext of making some payments.

My friend has agreed to give me another chance and I give her the bank card back tomorrow when we go to the cinema.

Sunday 6th May 2018 - Day 1 of my latest gamble free adventure.

Time to get my act together and maybe show some moral fibre, courage and discipline.

I haven't lost hope yet but it is wearing a bit thin.

Hi Stephen 🙂

Dont lose hope we are here.

Thinking of you and wishing you well. Don't beat yourself up one day at a time.

Much Love Sammy

x

Today I have brought a to-do book - Currently empty but asking myself the same types of questions as you.

Quite possible that I am mad but I hear all the best people are 🙂

Keep posting, keeps me going.

Sammy

Hi Stephen - sorry to read about your relapse.

You've taken some knocks, but do keep the hope alive. The days you didn't gamble are every bit as important as those that you did. And there's plenty of them compared to the few and far between relapse days.

Your admit, like many of us here, when not gambling the 'quality of life improves dramatically' - that's what we really need to drill into our heads every time a serious urge hits. It's crazy, because we know it's true - but the addiction seems to make us forget so easily.

I wish you well, Stephen but at the end of the day, it’s actions that speak louder than words, however rousing those words are. Maybe try more frequent meetings?

CW

Morning diary ~ Day 2 on the recovery road .... I am feeling a massive sense of relief that my recent gambling episode appears to be over. I had a good chat with my friend yesterday regarding my recovery, she is once again watching over my finances and has my bank card for the next year. I have let her down on two previous occasions so I must try harder.

Sammy, it is good to see you over 50 days gamble free and making positive steps to address your difficulties. Love your profile picture, it's good of you to keep an eye on my diary lol.

Equinox many thanks for your advice. It is good to see your determined approach and like Sammy you are over 50 days away from your last bet.

Cynical Wife ... Hope you are keeping well. I appreciate your advice and encouragement.

At the end of the end of the day it is imperative that I address my weaknesses. By delving into my inner being I can bring solace to my tortured soul and discover a more capable version of myself. Somewhere deep inside me lies a source of honour, courage and integrity, I will strive to uncover these attributes and apply them to my everyday life.

Attending GA meetings and interacting on the diaries are all well and good but my recovery will need a bit more than that. My negativity is quite deeply entrenched.

Hi Stephen, apologies for not catching up with you for a while! Have been a bit self absorbed and over worrying about anything and everything. I'm so glad you have such a supportive friend in 'real life' to help you. I met a friend last night who has had a rocky time mental health wise and one of her techniques is if a thought pops into your head which us negative/bad us to hold it for 10 minutes then let it go. Also maybe take a screen shot of your 0 day and when temptation rears look at it and decide if you want to go back there? Sorry if this sounds bossy but anything that may help is good. Enjoy the sunshine S x