Stopping again for good

So it has been 2 days since last wrote here and i have been a little busy so i thought i would put what i have done down here.

I went to my voluntary job and i spent the time steaming also i went to GA on thursday night as well and i felt good.

Yesterday i met my ex-girlfriend and we had a chat about what happened between us and we did clear the air. It was a few months since i last saw her so i wasn't really wanting to either. Felt like wanting to get a scrathcard but i didn't get one so i am happy about that.

I also told my support worker about what happened a few weeks ago and she was ok about it as i have started to do something about it and getting a voluntary job helps me. I want to do more but i am doing it gradually and not rushing all at once.

Besides the brief wanting to ge a scrathcard i had no thoughts on gambling so just for today i will not gamble

Been a few weeks since i wrote here and been back to Enniskillen in Ireland to see my family and i did have a good time when i was over there. I took the dog for a few walks and helped my mother when she wanted some stuff doing. Also went to Liverpool a few days ago and i did enjoy that too saw a band playing there which i did like. Also went to the museum to see the pics of all the famous musicians that came from the city.

I have been struggling with wanting to gamble and i have resisted the thoughts so i thought i would go back to writing on here. Still goning to GA so that helps but i need to be careful and not stop going, it is hard at times but i need to think of the future and see that i can do it

So just for today i will not gamble

I slipped up a few days ago and not just on friday I gambled for 2 fridays on the slots again.and on scratchcards. But not only that i took money out of the bank boths days not to gamble but to keep myself going for the week. I am not supposed to take money from the bank but i have and not only have i done that i feel that i am going to lose the trust of the people who are helping me. I just feel like c**P not becaused i was gambling but also i feel i am spitting in the faces of who want to help me. I know they want to help but i need to tell them what has happened. I really am going to hate saying i f****d up again but it's happening more and more often over the last 4 months. I have felt fine and have had no thoughts of gambling and then i get some money and the last few weeks it just hits me and i can't stop myself. Maybe it is because i decided to take money out for the week instead of when i want it as i thought i could handle that but it appears the old way when i get money when i want it is better for me. But there is another way i can use as i did this a few times where i get a Visa gift card and get what i want with that is you cannot take money out of a ATM or get cashback at shops. It is a slip up but I am determined to make sure it is my last one. I have barred myself from the only place that i didn't bar myself from so that is all my backdoors closed. I still go to GA and it did help me but i need to find out why i have gambled and maybe it is because it is now everywhere on TV Radio and outside wherever I go and it gets to me at times but i need to be more dilligent but i know i have gone weeks without gambling and also gone a few years but end up being tempted and i crack. I have to now live one day at a time and i know its been a few days since my slip up but i am determined to not gamble today.

I have been going to the gym as well i joined a gym in derby and i want to lose some weight and to feel good too doing it, I went todau and i will go back on tuesday so to not overdo it and to enjoy it which i am doing.

also enjoying my voluntary job and going a few days a week. Also looking for a course in college in the evening as i want to learn something new.

I Started this so i wanted to record my recovery but sometimes i hate to show my feelings and i think that is why i don't write much here but i feel i need to come back once a day to write how i am and how my day is and i also need to look at other people's dairies as i haven't looked in a while. I hope others read this and feel the need to reply about how they are coping.

Until tomorrow i will not gamble today

It has been a few months since i have written something on here and I have gambled and i hate the fact that i have done that. The thing is i have put up my barriers but i sometimes try to get over them and sometimes it works but i hate the fact that i do and it makes me gamble again.

I stopped going to GA as well and i think the reason is that when i stop for a while I get complacant and I start thinking that I don't need to go and when i don't go the thoughts start coming back. It is like a circle i am going through but it has been like this for the last 6 months and i am getting tired of that.

I know that i can do it but i know that i need to stop all kinds of gambling including the Lottery and their Accused Sratchcards as they are the ones i get first but the thing is that gambling is everywhere mostly you see the ads on TV and i need to start from the beginning again. I might not have been gambling for over a week but i know it is the first couple of weeks that it is the hardest and i know i can do it but I need to go back to GA so i can get my medicine.

So i hope that this time i can go back on the straight and narrow and i know it will be hard but i also need to trust people to help me as well as i don't like to get people close to me but I need to change that. Well i know i have been fgamble free a week and i am feeling ok so far but just for today i will not gamble

Hi royt

Sorry to hear about your struggles but you're right about the meetings.
I stopped going long ago, actually after open meeting we had I only came back once.

Gambling terribly again....

I have no energy nor willingness to come back. Group is great, please stick to the guys, they know what they're talking about and are there for you.

I may see you around and I may not, but please keep putting your wellbeing first...gambling is bringing us misery..

Make the right choice, just for today.

X

I am back again and I have gambled again I dont know why I did again I know i have tried to find out why but I do know why.

I stop going to meetings to GA and I also stop writing on this as well, I get too complacant and think if i stop going to GA or write here i wil be fine.

But I know what it is an the way i get the money even thou i have put up barriers, i know if i get doing that then i will lose the trust of the people that are helping me and i dont want that.

I know it is coming up to christmas and i am going home to see my family in Ireland and i can't wait but i think one of the reasons i do gamble is because i dont see them enough, i need to go more to see them than i usually do.

But when i do go home i dont gamble and i do more around the house to help my mother and maybe i feel that when i leave home to go back to derby i leave that person behind and after a while i go back to being what i hate being.

I hate writing about myself but i know when i am on this site it has helped me and i do feel happy about myself, but i don't know why i hate myself when i have been in counselling a few times to look in my past.

I still dont know why but i know i have stopped gambling for long periods of time but it has been this year that for the last 7 months have been hard for me since my gf left me but i know there was a lot of issues but maybe i really never got over the break up.

Also these days there is a lot of ads for gambling I dont care about horse racing or sports betting but i am more tempted by scrathcards and slots but i know I need to resist the scrathcards as when i stop getting them it i dont go back to the slots.

I will leave it at this and for today i will not gamble

Well i haven't gambled for the last few days and i know it has been a few days but i have had no thoughts about gambling as i have kept myself busy. I have been to my voluntary job and i also been working out and going for walks so i feel a lot happier.

Also i am getting ready to go home in the next 6 days so i can't wait to go back and see my family for the next 2 weeks. I will enjoy christmas and i know i don't gamble when i am home it is when i go back the thoughts come back. Maybe i miss them more than i thought . I know I can text and call them and use social media like facebook and maybe i dont talk to them enough but i need to text them if things are not going well.

Well until next time today i will not gamble

Been indoors since it is too cold to go out and also just waiting for the football to start, I hope that the weather is not like this for Thursday as i have to get to the airport by train but i know i will get there. I know i have to start looking at taking it one day at a time and that is what i wil do.

I wanted to get a scratchcard on friday night but i ended up dropping my money in the bag of groceries and decided not to, I did feel angry about that but in the end i am glad i didn't get it. But i have to watch that for the next few weeks as i know the temptation will come back especially when I am back home. But i know after a few weeks it will get easier.

So until then today i will not gamble

It has been a while since i wrote something here and i admit it has been hard for me to not gamble but i did a few weeks ago. I spent a few pound on slots and i went to a place where i was barred until a few months ago. I should have barred myself again bit i didnt think i would go in that place, but now i need to bar myself again.

I need to shut all doors and make the bariers stronger but there are times where i just want to gamble but i had mostly resisted the thoughts but that is not enough. I dont get these feeling all the time i can go for months without thinking about it but when it hits it hits hard

I get a weekly budget but i carry it all when i g out and feel that i need to stop that and take a little with me. I can get those visa gift cards as you can't go to a ATM or get cashback that has helped me in the past but i seem to stop after a few weeks so i need to keep encourage myself to keep doing it. I dont want to keep falling of the road to recovery as i know the first 90 days are the hardest