Surrendered Dec 4th 2014

Deleted

Hi Mark,

Your post makes so much sense, well done and thanks for sharing, keep going and stay strong.

Suzanne xx

Hi Mark,

Your post makes so much sense, well done and thanks for sharing, keep going and stay strong.

Suzanne xx

Dear diary,

long time no post. So obviously that means I have gone off and done it again. This time in 4 separate and increasingly frantic episodes I have finished £500 worse off than when I began. That doesn't really do the madness any justice. I hate myself and I want to do myself some serious damage. My emotional state is all over the place. I am not happy at the moment. A lot has happened in the last few weeks and I am trying to escape it through gambling. I had a party at home and got so drunk that I almost died. I have since given up drinking - day 12 on that one. One of the people at the party went home and smashed up his house which is difficult to get my head round and finally my boss at work was removed without warning which really made me feel venerable. Apparently he was no longer a good fit. The pressure is building and I have snapped. I wanted my next post to be - I have got to 100 days but that seems like a lofty target now. I would love to get to Christmas gambling and drinking free.

Well I have achieved week 1 - again. 7 days free of gambling and 18 days free of alcohol. No fanfare or back slapping for me. I still feel beaten up and down. I feel better than I did but no where near so full of myself this time round. However I think that is a good thing. This isn't a game. I haven't beaten anything - I not looking to get the highest score of days off. Instead I have surrendered. I need to remember that difference and embrace it. These things just aren't in my life anymore - end of story. I need to focus instead on the important things that are still in my life - family, friends, work etc... Let's see what the next 7 days bring...