Take 2 this times for real

Well done Shorty, you are doing really great, keep up the good work, and sound like you are gonna be busy. Hugs.

Day 34...days are flying by at the minute! Can't believe I'm on Day 34 already I remember clearly being on Day 7 and aiming to get to 10 days...look at me now! On my way to 40 and then 50+ days 🙂

FINALLY got a decent nights sleep last night so feeling a lot more 'with it' today. Work is still crazy and next week looks like it will be even worse but that's fine by me if it keeps those bad thoughts at bay!

Going out for a meal and to the Xmas markets tomorrow night, can't wait 🙂 bring on the mulled wine and mince pies!

Keep strong fellow CG's

Lots of Love

Shorty xxx

Day 35....aka 5 weeks 🙂 feel just as strong as I did on day 1 which feels amazing as normally by this time my resolve has weakened somewhat.

Out for dinner and a few drinks tonight 🙂 normally I would be making excuses about how we couldn't afford to go out and spend money but you know what....having not gambled in 5 weeks I DO have some spare cash to go out and enjoy myself!!! And the amount I will spend tonight I would probabaly have spent 5 times that in one spin of the wheel. Disgraceful.

Am shocked at the number of new members that have come on this week...normally I only check the new members sections every few days as there isn't a lot to see but there have been quite a few new joiners this week and that saddens me. Are more and more people in these desperate times trying to win their way into some money? I really hope not. There was a really gut wrenching story that was posted on there by Jay Ell, I really hope he gets in touch again soon to let everyone know he's ok. It made me think again about the different extremes of this illness...what makes someone risk their house and family whereas others can just limit it to wasting all their spare cash every month...then you have people in the middle like me who have got into huge amounts of 'manageable' debt but would never consider not paying the bills. I could go on and on and on about this topic!!

Anyway have a great weekend everyone...xx

Day 38....definitely had itchy feet over the weekend but luckily it only lasted for about 10 minutes! Those urges can be so strong sometimes they really do surprise me! I realise now why I have fallen off the wagon so easily before...I think that (for me anyway) without having those few blips since May I wouldn't be able to deal as well as I am now with the urges that come over me.

Apart from that nasty 10 minutes had a lovely relaxing weekend 🙂 couple of quiet weekends now before the party madness of December begins! xx

I am so close to falling off the wagon...have registered with another phone casino and am currently in the process of waiting for them to set up my account so that I do NOT receive any deposit bonuses.

I feel sick. I want to gamble I really really do why has it just hit me all of a sudden? I keep thinking about my little girl and my husbband and TELLING myself self exclude self exclude but I just want a blow out so bad!

The excitement and nervousness in my stomach is crazy...the one good thing this is good for is constipation!!

I don't know what will happen I hope they don't email me back before I leave work and when I come in tomorrow I will have come to my senses....how does it hit you like a tonne of bricks it's awful 🙁

Well that was the worst hour of my recovery so far. I have however managed to see the light and sent a self exclusion request off. Thank the lord that I have a thing about getting deposit bonuses otherwise I would have been a few hundred pound lighter.

The thing that amazes me is that I'm still in the major wager zone. I would not be happy with a cheeky 20 quid...it's literally 200 300 400 500 pound plus that I want to bet.

Phew...I feel so relieved. It really did feel like I had been taken over by demons. I hope this isn't something that is going to happen on a regular occasion.

Am literally shaking, i feel sick, i feel light headed, i just want to go home and rest up now. Awful awful awful.

Well done Shorty, you are doing fantastic, the urges will come its how we deal with them that shows how far we have come, self excluding shows how far on you have come.

Well done.

Thanks for your words of encouragement Pat - they are much needed right now!

So day 39 by the skin of my teeth.

Have to admit I'm getting really bored of this site and this diary (no offence). Definitely a bad sign as it's probably the only thing that has helped me over the past 6 months. Feel like I'm just writing and reading the same thing again and again. May give it a rest for a few days unless I start feeling weak again.

Day 40....wow! Only 10 more days until I'm at the 50 day mark!!

The last two days have been the toughest by far. I seem to be fine in the morning then it gets to about 2.30, get a bit bored in work and the urges take over my entire body! Monday I joined a new site and self excluded before I could deposit and yesterday I managed to hang on til 4pm til I finished work and the urges just went. Boredom is definitely a problem.

Can't believe I'm on day 40 🙂 very happy about that and god knows how much money I have saved over those 40 days!

Just lost a tenner...don't even care. Don't know why my determination has crashed. On the plus side I deposited a tenner on a new site (wanted to get the deposit bonus out of the way before depositing a much larger amount) and whilst getting rid of the £20 (£10 plus £10 bonus) i realised that you could only place a maximum £1 bet on a number! Well that's no use to me!!! So self excluded from that site and spent another hour or so trying to find another site to log onto and realised that I have joined and self excluded from every site I could find! I never thought that was possible but I have done it!

Anyway bad day today, not going back to day one for the sake of a tenner...I wanted to deposit 300 but not if I could only put £1 bets on!!

Am sure I'll feel really S**t tomorrow but I think I've had a lucky escape. Still can't believe I have self excluded from so many! Those days that I spent at the start of my recovery joining and excluding from everything really have done me a favour!

Anyway....a minor £10 blip that could have been a whole lot worse. Lets hope these urges have gone tomorrow they are doing my head in!!!!!

Hi shorty,

Just wanted to say congratulations on excluding from all sites thats some achivement knowing how many are out there must be a world record lol.

Dont worry about a tenner better than three hundred.

I know what you mean about urges ive been having quite a few but mine are financial reasons rather than boredom luckily my mum is staying for a few days so have someone to talk to.

Take care and Stay Strong your doing great.x

LIke you, I have self-excluded from every single online site that I could find.

Unlike the bookies, they make it far easier for you not to gamble online when you are self-excluded. I find it incredible that bookies do not go out of their way to ensure that you cannot gamble in ANY of their shops in the country.

Surely there is a need for a password type system to be put into place?

But hey, well done to you on getting those blocks in and even better to hear that they are working as this recovery journey is very hard to do on willpower alone.

GT

Day 41

Still in shock that I have achieved what I thought was practically impossible and excluded from all available mobile phone casinos. I have mixed feelings about this given my current state of mind. Obviously this is vital in keeping me on the straight and narrow but I also have this anger inside me that is making me want to gamble and the fact that I actually can't is SO frustrating. I feel like these urges aren't going to subside until I have another massive blow out!!!! Just going to have to ride the urge waves as best I can and accept the fact that I have no access to gaming sites. I really thought I would wake up this morning and breathe a big sigh of relief that yesterday didn't end in total disaster but I didn't...I was thinking how stupid I have been not leaving myself a option open incase I wanted to gamble.

The demons have definitely taken over my brain this week....god knows how long this is going to last.

You will soon get used to the fact that you CANNOT gamble and you already know that gambling away your hard earned money again really is a no-no.

As for your thoughts on going to car boot sales to buy and sell online, I would suggest only buying things that you KNOW will sell well online. I rarely spend more than £1 o a single item in a car boot and always make sure that I go to them to enjoy the browse and to buy the odd bargain for MYSELF as well!

Don't forget to take into account the online selling fees as I tend to buy only things that I know will sell for at least £5 online. MOst car boot sales don't have anything but it is always a good browse around in the fresh air which is another great way to blow away those gambling cobwebs.

GT

Hi Hun

Maybe i can suggest a christmas blowout go and get all your christmas presents if you are so determined to spend why not get christmas all wrapped up [excuse the pun] i know retail therepy isnt the same as gambling but at least its money spent in a constructive manner.

Unless your super organised and have done it already lol.

Im right with you hun im desparate to press a deposit button but we must not or its back to day 1.

Stay Strong hun.x