Day 94...a nice relaxing weekend that involved lots of sleep. Don't know how I can still feel tired this morning!!! This weather is just awful, I hate the cold so much.
Definitely definitely had thoughts AND urges at the weekend. Once again my hubby has been screwed over at work and we are getting less money in than expected. This afternoon will be interesting as he is going to ask for the money and if he doesn't get it he may just sack it off and look for another job. Stress that I could be doing without when I am trying to pay off so much debt. Anyway, didn't gamble but it was very very tempting. These are the sorts of circumstances where I have failed in the past.
STILL waiting to hear about my 0% BT credit card. Am going to leave it until Wednesday and then phone them up as they say it can take up to 10 working days and that will be tomorrow.
Have decided that any extra money I have each month I am going to save in order to pay off one of my loans early. This was if something major happens and we need emergency funds then I can dip into it but have worked out that if I save up until April 2014 I can pay one of my loans off a year and a half early and will have an extra £200 a month to play with.
Am so sick of thinking about money...it consumes nearly every thought in my head. Wish I was one of these people that checked their account once a month and didn't have to spreadsheet every last penny 🙁
Day 96...well yesterday I managed to log on to a very old ******* account, for some reason they ask you to download a form to self exclude, something I can not do from my phone unfortunately...luckily for me the card that was registered was out of date and when I tried to register my debit card they said it was registered on another account! My deposit limit was set to £5 per day so I couldn't have done that much damage but I did request my deposit limit be increased so I could gamble today (would have taken affect at about 3pm today). Have gone on today and reduced the deposit limit to £2 a day. To be honest I don't think I have a card that I could use anyway. Must remember next time I'm on the laptop to self exclude though.
This just goes to show the importance of putting as many barriers in place as possible. Weak times like this when life throws you a financial curve ball are my biggest enemy. 'If I could just win back that fifty quid I had to spend on XYZ' but it never stops at £50, even if I do win that much!
Anyway, feeling pretty depressed at the minute. The uncertainty of my husbands wages is wrecking my head a bit, how can I do a monthly budget when I don't know whats coming in?! And how can I plan to pay off the debts if I don't know what months are going to be good and what are going to be bad. Deleted my financial spreadsheet this morning, whats the point of attempting to live within your means when you don't know what your means are?! I am grateful that I know I can pay the mortgage and minimum payments etc, and I am only paying £20 a month interest on the credit cards so practically everything I pay off comes off the debt. I really need to stop obsessing about it. My next aim is to attempt to only check my bank account once a week (on a friday). I think that may be even harder than stopping gambling!!!
Hi Shorty,
I understand your financial predicament. It will be a lot worse if you go back to gambling. What a shame it would be to throw away the last 96 days and all that hard work. Stay positive and eventually the financial situation will improve. I have stopped fretting about money. As long as bills are being paid, debts coming down slowly, roof over your head and food to eat. The extras will come later. Believe me soon as you stop looking the urge to gamble decreases. As you know, worrying and gambling make perfect partners.
Don't do it, stay strong, celebrate that 100 days gamble free. You have got this far, don't blow it. Just think of how bad you would feel if you slipped and that cycle of despair may well start over again. You are in a much better place now. Remember that. You only win when you stop.
Best wishes, IanB.
Hi Shorty,
I was in a similar situation to you, approaching 100days, gambling thoughts on my mind, and 99days in I gambled. Gutted is an understatement - starting at 0 again is the worst feeling. Even though I didn't lose, I felt so so low. Please be strong and extinguish any gambling thoughts from you mind.
Thanks for your posts Michael & IanB 🙂
I would be totally gutted if I went back to day 0 I know that but at the minute I feel empty of emotion and have a real 'don't give a f***' attitude at the minute! It's not like me because even though I'm in this mess I am always pretty positive believe it or not!
Just been on the most BORING conference call....jeeeeeezus. It has put the final nail in the coffin in terms of this job! I am going to start looking for something else but I want to stay within the same company as I have a good 6 year profile here and with the way the market is at the minute I don't want to lose that by moving elsewhere. Plus if I can get a job a grade above mine I'd be in for a pretty decent payrise. Just gotta keep a lookout as there isn't much about at the minute.
So it will be 100 days on Saturday (i think, can't remember what day I'm on!). Anyway, have organised a nice meal out for the family on Friday night and intend to have a couple of drinks to celebrate. Thoughts and urges have subsided for now pending another financial crisis at home lol!
Day 98 today (got it wrong yesterday....never mind I will be 101 days free on Monday when I next update my diary!
Thought it would be a useful and motivating exercise to work out how much I have paid off my debt since joining this site at the end of May.
Here's a list of what I pay on a monthly basis
£221 - loan 1
£200 - Loan 2
£200 - loan 3
£150 - Least I pay of my cc's
£150 - pay of money i owe a friend for car loan
So if you add that up and multiply it by 8 months it is a staggering £7368!!! How amazing is that! Obviously there have been a few times when I've had to put a few things on the cc but overall that is small to the above figure!
The car loan will be paid back to my friend at the end of Feb so that will be an extra £150 a month to either treat the family or pay off the cc.
It just goes to show what you can do when you're not having to juggle money about to find extra cash to gamble with. I am pretty convinced that a loan is the best way to go (for me). The temptation with credit cards is to pay off the minimum and stick stuff on them that you shouldn't do. I think in a few months when my credit rating is a bit better I might look at consolidating the credit cards into a loan and getting rid of them altogether. I have an overdraft i can use if I'm really struggling one month.
Anyway, feeling a bit more positive after that exercise! The end is still a long way off but it is in site 🙂
Day 101...didn't really acknowledge my 100 days yesterday. But when I got into bed last night ALL i could think about was roulette. I think I have managed to knock the online gambling on the head but I am longing to go out on the town, have a few drinks and end up at the casino. God this doesn't get any easier does it!! Luckily for me I have no big nights out planned until March so hopefully I will have a clearer and more sensible head on my shoulders by then.
Hi Shorty,
Just thought I'd swing by and congratulate you on reaching 100days. The way you've tackled your Gambling demons has been terrific. 100 days is an enormous achievement, and you should feel really proud of yourself. Well done !!
Thanks for the congrats Michael - not feeling very celebratory for some reason 🙁 not what I expected to feel like after doing so well.
I have realised in the last few days WHY I gambled. Because life is so f*****G BORING!! Where is the excitement now?!?! I get up at 6am I go to work to a job that I have f**k all interest in, I come home I cook the tea and I eventually sit down at about 7.30pm if I'm lucky. Then I go to bed by 10pm and the cycle continues. The weather is so s**t that even at the weekend there is nothing much to do. Can't go to the park, can't and don't really want to go into town. LIFE IS BORING! I'm not saying I hate my life, I am very lucky but I know now why I needed that injection of excitement! Is it really that bad to want something that makes you feel alive?! Yes of course it is because after all the excitement comes the pain and destruction and severe lack of money.
Heads up my @r*e. Clearly.
Day 102
Hi Shorty8,
I think alot of people in these forums are exactly the same as you - me included. Life is crammed full of responsibilities, it's very difficult to find something to do that is (a) Exciting and (b) Will not destroy your bank balance. But for the minute your doing great, and you know that gambling is not the way out.
Hi Shorty
You have abstained from gambling for a while now and this is where good recovery kicks in. Life will not come to you, you have to go out and get it. Try looking at doing a college course or going to gym anything that breaks the routine you are in. CGs like us really want to gamble until we get into a better life. You have a great chance to take your life where ever you want it to go. Take care
Day 103...thanks for your comments guys 🙂
I have re-joined the gym but I have to go on my lunch break as I have to go pick my little girl up after work and once I get home there will be no chance that I ever make it back out to the gym again!
Going to the gym and studying are not my idea of excitement I'm afraid. I did my GCSEs, A levels, went to uni and frankly have done enough studying to last me a lifetime lol! going to the gym is done just to keep the cellulite at bay....if I could eat a burger king every lunchtime and get away with it I would! I definitely need to start doing something at the weekends...I get bogged down doing housework and then I feel like I've just wasted two whole days cleaning. Get paid this Friday so maybe do something good this Saturday.
Anyway, no thoughts or urges like I have had in the last week.
Day 104....more bad moods again today. It's definitely coming into this god awful place everyday thats getting me down! I know I shouldnt complain about having to work when there are so many people getting made redundant etc etc but there is nothing worse than wasting your life in a job that bores you senseless!!
More thoughts of gambling too. Connected to the boredom described above I'm sure!
day 105....am hanging on by the skin of my teeth at the minute....signed up to a poker site today...have never played poker for money in my life! Luckily for me there were so many security steps to depositing that after the third time they asked me to verify my card I came to my senses and thought what the f**k am I doing?!
Anyway....payday today woo hoo! Got a bit of money in the bank, treated myself to a couple of cheap items of clothing at lunchtime. Off out tonight. Not sure what the rest of the plans are for the weekend as I hear the weather is meant to be freezing but ironically I feel safer from the urges when I'm at home because I'm always doing something. Days like today when I'm in work bored out of my mind are my tricky points.
Hello shorty,
You ought to be worried if you're getting to that stage (verifying card details). You're just a hair away from starting again, and you wouldn't want that. But don't listen to me - read these painfully honest and insightful words:
Dear Shorty....I thought it was time that I wrote you a letter so that when you are feeling low or you get an urge to gamble you can read this first and hopefully it will put things in perspective.
Where do I start?! You have been living a ridicuous, secretive life for the past 4 years and it has got to come to an end. You are worrying so much about the debts that you are not making the most of your little girl and amazing husband and that smile that you mask your true feelings with is going to fade if you do not act now.
People say that no one has the perfect life. Everyone has something that they would change. If you weren't gambling you would have the perfect life! You have everything that most people dream of. Your own house, a wonderful husband a gorgeous little girl that is so happy and asks for nothing but love and attention. You are spoiling it all by WASTING your time playing these stupid games that are devised to STEAL your money! Yes it is possible to win but you never win because you never cash out when you should have done.
I know you feel like there is something missing when you can't have a bet but this will fade in time, you have managed over 30 days before and you know that time is a great healer. You also know that you only need to get to the end of Feb 2012 and the finances will be a lot better as one of the loans will be paid off and you will get your annual bonus. Focus on this date. Don't focus on being debt free in 5 years its too far down the line. You have already paid for the holiday next year so you KNOW you are going to have some quality time with your family. No more excuses that you can't go away because you can't afford it. Maybe you could have paid a bit off the debt instead of going away but in order to be happy in your recovery you must learn to be able to live. Don't make excuses not to go out because funds are tight...go out on a budget. I bet if you felt like it you could find £300 to gamble...so why not just spend £50 and go out for a few drinks??
Shorty, you can have it all. You have just had a minor blip in this long old journey they call life. You have had a vital 4 year lesson and the next 4 years of paying back debts will make you appreciate money so much more. Can you imagine that first month when you have no debts and you can book that surprise weekend away for you and your husband. Imagine his face when you tell him he's not going to work...that you have spoken to his boss and arranged for him to have some time off so you could take him away for a few days. And you will be able to do that...in one month, without even having to save! That is how much debt you are paying back each month! CRAZINESS! Please tell me that you would rather be jetting off on a romantic weekend every few months than wasting time and money online?!?!
Like I said, a minor blip in this long life.
The morning of Tuesday 4th Oct will be the last date that you place a bet. If not you will lose everything and everyone you ever cared about and that is the truth.
I love you...look after yourself and be STRONG xxxxxx
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