Take 2 this times for real

So tired today. Been getting woken up by my little girl at all hours these past 2 nights and coupled with going to the gym this is starting to take its toll! On the plus side no thoughts or urges today, feeling remarkably positive for some reason.

I started thinking about all the really fabulous things in my life and everything I should be thankful for, maybe one day soon I will write this list down. The only thing that I am not thankful for is DEBT. Debt is the only bad thing in my life. So why if I have 20+ things to be happy about is my brain consumed by the one and only bad thing? Even when I really try not to think about it I can't help it.

Anyway, as long as I'm not gambling the debt will clear itself. I rejoined Experian yesterday, not far off a Good credit rating I just need to not make any applications for a few months and I should be in a position to consolidate my high interest loan and reduce the length of repayments by a year.

I am one of these people that wants everything to happen NOW! I want to get a new loan NOW, I want to be debt free NOW! Well I need to get it through my thick head that without a lottery win (which I don't play anymore) this is never going to happen NOW!

I keep imagining the day in the future when I make my last loan payment...I think I will actually shed a tear 🙂

Another day started. Still feeling positive. Couldn't give a flying f**k about gambling at the minute. Debts are still on my mind but they will be for a long while to come. I'm going to just start thinking about them as normal bills. I will have pay water and council tax and mortgage for the forseeable future so am just going to pile the debts into the 'bill' category and not worry about them. They are going down every month, what more can I ask for (except a lottery win!).

Busy at work at the minute which is nice. If i'm not busy my mind wanders to the debt and sitting at my desk for 8 hours a day doing calculations to figure out how I can reduce the debt is seriously depressing.

Been reading the articles that RCG has been posting in his diary. Makes some very interesting reading. What makes a person steal 1.8 million from their employer? There are definitely different levels of CG's. For example, I would NEVER consider gambling bill or mortgage money. I would die if I ever missed a mortgage or credit card payment, the fear of debt collectors coming knocking is even worse than the stress of paying the debt off. How could this person ever steal 1.8million pound, its just madness! But I totally accept that there are people out there who get in that deep that they do crazy S**t. Thank god I found this forum before I got that bad.

Nearly the weekend, got a busy one ahead and another busy one next weekend but all fun stuff and luckily not too much money needs to be spent 🙂

Hi

I just read that article to. And agree with you that GCs hit different levels. I have done things to this day I am ashamed of. But like you were very lucky to have found this site and believe at the present I am getting the help I need.

Great to hear you sounding so upbeat, hope you enjoy your fun weekend.

Dusty

Thanks for your post Dusty...it's reading articles like that that make me realise, yeah my siutation is bad but it could be a million times worse!

It's Friiiiiiiiiiday people! Not only do I love the weekend because I get to have a lie in and don't have to come into work...but at the weekends my brain gets a rest from the constant thoughts of debt. I enjoy time with my little girl, get a bit of housework done and for 2 days a week I really feel like my proper self. It's weird because a lot of people say that being at home is worse for them but I am more distracted at home, always something to do or clean! In work if I'm not busy or in meeting I'm constantly drawn back to thoughts of the debt.

No thoughts and no urges thank god. Made a few overpayments on the credit card and that makes me feel good even if there is a long way to go! This year seems to be going really quickly and as much as I don't want to wish my life away I hope the next 3 years fly by and I am debt free asap! I know that life will be so much more enjoyable and less stressful when I don't have this black cloud hanging over me!

Another successful weekend negotiated. Definitely had thoughts at one point but didn't act upon them even though I had the means and the opportunity. I decided that spending quality time with my family was much more important.

Have made a few overpayments on the cc's this month, feels good 🙂 really going to try and hammer the balances down this year, next year might be slow as planning on having another baby so maternity pay won't allow me to pay off much but am not planning to add to the debt during this time either so it will be coming down slowly.

Still focusing on that debt free day but it is focusing on it that keeps me away from those evil sites!!

Have set myself a mid year and a year end financial target. Think it is definitely achieveable as long as no expensive unexpected things happen (touch wood).

No thoughts no urges....been reading a few of the new member stories this morning, makes me so tahnkful that I'm not in those horrific first stages where you can't see any way out. I know this is going to be an uphill struggle but I know that I am going in the right direction and I WILL get out off this debt mountain eventually!

I really do wonder sometimes what I would worry or think about if I didn't have all this debt....I'd probably be worrying about saving up for a holiday or a new house! I look forward to those saving days!!! I have plenty still left in me!

1st of March...another chunk of debt paid off. Definitely glad I have the majority of my debt in loan repayments, at least then I know that the minimum I pay back each month is £620 even before I pay off my credit card debt.

Can't actually believe it is March already. The fact that time is going so quickly makes it easier to focus on that debt free day.

An amazing weekend planned this weekend, can not wait for it, have been looking forward to it since November 🙂 going to fully forget about everything and completely enjoy myself. Weekends like this are what life is all about. Life is not about sitting infront of a laptop for hours and hours waiting for a fricking number to come in!!!! I think about all the amazing holidays or weekends away I could have had with all the money I have blown. I hardly ever think about specific losses which is a good thing but the debt is what reminds me how much I have lost. When that debt free day comes I know that the bad memories and the lost money will completely clear from my mind and I can start saving for amazing things!

Have a fabulous weekend everyone...back Monday 🙂

Enjoy your weekend whatever you are doing. Look forward to hearing all about it when you get back.

GT

Hi Shorty - hope you had a brilliant weekend. I keep reading snippets from people's diaries and I liked this line because it's all about living:

"An amazing weekend planned this weekend, can not wait for it, have been looking forward to it since November".

Thanks for sharing

Had a fabulous weekend up until Sunday when I got a HUGE unexpected bill 🙁 why can nothing just go smoothly!!!!!!!!!! One step forwards ten steps back at the minute and it is really getting me down. The only positive I can take from yesterday is the fact that I didn't instantly think to try and win the money which I guess i huge progress.

Over the next 3 years until my loans are paid off there is going to be a major shuffling of credit card debt to ensure that the payments are made. Once I have an extra £620 a month in my account when the loans are paid off I can clear the cc debt in a matter of months so its just a case of keeping my head above water until then. Days like this I just wanna run away and hide 🙁 life really sucks sometimes 🙁

Feeling very down....but thankfully not due to any recent losses. The next few months are going to be a huge financial drain and it feels like all this hard work is for nothing. No urges but thoughts of winning a few fast bucks have definitely entered my head. Sometimes I just hate being grown up. Wasn't life so much easier when you were 10 and got £2 pocket money and felt rich!

I still read all the new members post and am thankful that I am not at those initial stages where you think there is no way out. I know that I can get out of this hole but the length of time its going to take is really depressing me.

Anyway 🙁 I won't bring you down anymore!

Was watching supersize versus superskinny last night. In a weird way I think it helped me put the debt into perspective. I was thinking how awful it must be to have that much weight to carry round and food is just as much as an addiction to some people as gambling is but it must be SO SO SO much harder to quit food! If you think about it, you can't really add up the days you haven't eaten you can only measure your success on how much weight you have lost.

The debt for me is like having 25 stone to lose. It's not going to happen overnight but a slow and steady resolution is the best way to do it. I would much rather have debt to pay back than be so overweight I relied on my kids to wash me and push me around in a wheelchair because I can't walk more than 3 steps.

There are so many worse situtions than mine....why can I not focus on the positives more? Why do we as humans ALWAYS have to focus on the negatives. They say it takes 10 good things to cancel out 1 bad thing.......well if that is the case I am screwed for life!!!

Sleeping ridiculously well at the minute. I used to go to bed and literally lie there for hours before finally dropping off. Am putting it down to a clearer conscience, less stress and increased exercise. Long may it continue!

No urges, still some thoughts but nothing that I would act upon, more like daydreaming 'if only I could put £50 on 22 and it come in it would clear one of my credit cards'. But daydreaming it will remain.

Can't believe it's been nearly a year since I joined this site, feels like only a couple of months ago. time really has flown this past year which means that debt free day gets closer and closer 🙂

A nice quiet weekend planned this weekend, weather is meant to be nice so might get out in the garden for a bit 🙂

Passed a mini hurdle last night. Laptop was in the house, hubby was watching football. Could have easily sloped off and had a couple of hours gambling time and the urges were SO strong I had to take myself off to bed! Just shows that even after nearly a year of being on this site, if the opportunity presents itself that little devil on your shoulder just keeps coming back for more.

I have to say I am majorly proud of myself. Having had unexpected bills through the post recently I could have easily tried to win some extra cash to help with this but I didn't. I actually noticed that even the urges caused me to have a fast heart beat and chest pains (more muscular pains that I suffer with on and off rather than coronary pains - i hope!). This stress on your body as well as your mind is just not good at all. The excitement and stress is just too much to take and I think that because I have had long periods of abstinence, when I do get these symptoms I notice them ten fold now.

Anyway IT'S FRIDAY thank goodness! A nice chilled out weekend on the cards. A nice bottle of wine and a bit of telly whilst snuggled up with my beautiful family...what more could I ask for.

Have a lovely weekend everyone!xxx

Hi Shorty, so pleased to see that you are doing really well and avoiding those urges and times that you may be tempted to gamble you are doing really great. Hope you have a lovely stress and gamble free weekend. x