Take 2 this times for real

I'm really really annoying myself at the minute. Had a great holiday came back feeling really positive, clean slate etc n what did I do the first day back??! U guessed it!!! Deposited £500 in total got it up to £1100 n thought I could just get that bit more n now it's down to £675. Still up but sooooo P!ssed that I couldn't just walk away. Now I have to wait god knows how many days I'll have to wait for it to come through. Luckily I think once I do the withdrawal on the computer I won't b able to reverse it on my phone so as long as I get to tonight without gettin tempted I should be safe. I have just emailed them to set my deposit limit to the lowest possible amount n then I will self exclude once the money hits my account.

I don't get how all these new sites are out there I swear I must have excluded from 100 by now!!!

Anyway, I can't say that this is it cos the way I have been acting recently I just don't know what will happen I really needs to find some determination from somewhere as I am really starting to hate myself.

I can say with absolute conviction that today is the first day if the rest of my life 🙂

Hi Shorty, pleased that you have had a good holiday, if you are in the UK I hope you have brought some warmth and sunshine back with you. Just look on your wee gamble as an end of holiday blow out and at least you have not lost anything, only what you won, once the withdrawal hits the bank you can exclude. I agree there are so many sites out there and adverts should be banned like smoking, gambling can kill too. This government are soooo short sighted, but they do rake in the tax from it as they do with most things, and what happens to it then, lost all faith in them all when it was shown how they were on the fiddle, how can anyone pay off their mortgage and then forget!!! Sorry rambling on, well good luck just look on today as the first chapter in a new book, enjoy the bank hol, big hugs

Hi juliette thanks again for checking in on my diary 🙂

Day 2....keeping very very very busy not sat down so not really had any urges. I've had a few lucky escapes over the past month n I definitely need to quit while I'm ahead i can't afford to not use these winnings to pay off a bit of the debt. It's so much harder to quit when you're up though 🙁 in my head I think 'if I could just get another £300' but in the grand scheme of things £300 is f**k all so why risk ending up losing?!?

Am so desperate to reach that debt free day, I know that's why I keep failing but I also agree with the many people that say if someone paid all my debts off tomorrow I would go right back to gambling n rack it all up again!! When u do bad things u deserved to be punished n paying this debt off is my punishment for the next 3 years.

Day 3... These online casinos take the mick it amazes me every time! Sent them all the documentation they require including a utility bill with a date of 26th feb 2012 n they reply 'sorry we can't process ur withdrawal until we receive proof of address that is no more than 3 months old'!!! Am now awaiting to hear back to see if they've figured out how to count!!

Anyway, hopefully in the next hr the withdrawal will be on its way. The important thing being a didn't reverse any of it!!

Not much else to report not feeling too great so gonna take it easy today

They really are awful places to be, those online companies.

People moan and groan at the massive profits that large supermarkets and gas and electric companies make. But if they heard about HOW these online gambling companies go about taking people's money, they would be horrified!

Their actions and evil tactics NEED to be out in the open!

Stay strong and that withdrawal will be with you soon.

Then get all the blocks in!

Have you got blocking software?

NT

I managed to sort the computer gambling out by just gettin rid of the laptop but I still gamble on my phone n don't think there is anything for that yet 🙁

Day 4 and the online b*stards are STILL being awkward in approving me documents! They have approved the ID and cards used to deposit and they are disputing that a bill dated the 26th Feb is not from the last 3 months!!! They are REALLY P!ssing me off now. If they don't process the withdrawal today or tomorrow then it probably won't hit my account until next week. HOW HOW HOW do they get away with treating people like this???????

Anyway, Day 4 and I am back at work, tired and all I want to do is crawl back into bed. At least it's only a 4 day week!!!!!

Looks like there are more unexpected funds to come out of my ever dwindling bank balance. It is almost like the bad things just keep happening until you are totally and utterly flat broke!!! I hate to say this but thank god for the £1200 I win over the past month, without that I would seriously be up sh!ts creek without a paddle. It is safe to say though that if I continued in my 'blip' status that would have ended up in a much greater than £1200 loss.

No urges or thoughts today which is good for me as I had some terrible urges yesterday. Just got to take it one day at a time and try not to have my entire consumed with either gambling thoughts or the mountain of debt I still have to climb 🙁

Day 5 and STILL awaiting approval of final document!!! Honestly! These places could be responsible for putting me in a mental home!!!!!!!!! I don't know what bloody hours this place is working but I get a reply at 1am and by the time I reply in the morning they must have closed again so I have to wait an entire day to get another response. If this didn't put you off gambling then I don't know what else would!!!!!

Anyway, no thoughts or urges need to get this money to hit my account so I can pay my credit card off but its looking like it'll be next week now 🙁

Day 6 and STILL the withdrawal saga continues! I actually have to laugh it is so disgusting!!!!!! Woke up this morning expecting to receive an email saying my proof of address had finally been approved after sending them through a different letter AND that my withdrawal had been processed - what do I receive???? f**k ALL! Am getting so angry now. If I don't receive anything tomorrow morning I will be ringing them up, something that I hate doing as they treat you like s**m but this has been going on for a week now!!!!!!!!!!! How do they get away with it?????

Didn't sleep very well last night so feeling a bit tired today. Have to say I've been a bit miserable recently, need to give myself a kick and stop concentrating on all the bad things and look at how lucky I am compared to some people.

Feel like in the last couple of months I've really started to live again. Over the past few years I haven't exactly been a hermit but I have stopped myself going places and doing things because I either wanted to keep the money for gambling or I had no money thanks to gambling. But my mindset has changed. I normally don't do much on a weekend but I have literally filled my calendar with things to do and people to see up until the middle of July (obviously leaving a couple of quiet weekends to recouperate!). feeling very happy about this, makes me see the positive aspects that have come out of my quitting this awful habit. Long may it continue 🙂

Yet another day of torture descends upon me. STILL no confirmation withdrawal has been processed. When I finally get this money I am going to take great pleasure in sending them the most disgusting letter of complaint and getting them to close my account (will make out like its down to the way I have been treated even though I would have self excluded anyway!). That will make me feel better - not that they would even bat an eyelid!!!!!!!!

Day 7...managed a whole week. Which is pretty amazing considering my determination levels are at about 40%. If this money had hit my account I would probably be back gambling again.

Next weekend is going to be a massive challenge for me. Need to keep busy and out of the house so that I don't get tempted. And also need to stay off the drink as my guard seems to go down when I am under the influence!

Thank god its Friday, I don't hate my job but I sure do love the weekend!!!!!!!!!

Have decided (for about the tenth time) that I am not only addicted to gambling but actually addicted to money and debt monitoring. I need to chill the f**k out. I am not in dire straits, if something dreadful happened and i needed a couple of grand I could get my hands on it whether it be through parents or available credit so why oh why do I have to permanently monitor every penny that goes in and out of my account???? It is SO annoying. I think this part of me annoys me even more than the gambling side! So today is the first day that I delete my financial spreadsheet and just try and live life. In my head I know how much disposable cash we have each month and therefore I don't need to count every last penny or get stressed out if an extra tenner goes out of the bank for a takeaway!!!!!!!! If it takes me the next 10 years instead of the next 3 years to fully pay off all my debts then so be it, at least I will have enjoyed myself (within reason) and will not get to 75 years old sitting in my rocking chair regretting all those pointless hours trying to work out to the exact date I will be debt free!!!!!!!!!!!

hi shorty8,

i m exactly on the same boat with you as far as debts concerned.after a big loss on gambling, i m in panic with the debts and when they will get paid.but life is now.every day that passes is never coming back.i have handed over my finances to my mother as i have accepted i cant do it myself.its not bad if we accept we cant do some things in life even if they are basics.

take care

mike

Hi shorty,

It's been a while since I dropped in. I know exactly where you're coming from about the debts, and it's d**n hard to let go. Doesn't matter what we try to do to convince ourselves otherwise, the debt always comes back into our thoughts. One of the reasons why I fallen off the wagon a few times. I'm a spreadsheet addict, and there isn't a day goes by when I'm not re-calculating my debt-free day. I think it's a comfort thing knowing that, no matter how bad things seem at the time, there will be a debt-free day. But the question is, do you go all out to rid yourself from the debt now, so you can enjoy a carefree life, or do you try and live with, and enjoy life (with the debt mountain at the back of your mind 24*7). I always end up going for option 1 because I find it incredibly hard to live with myself knowing that this needs to be paid, and it's constantly at the back of my mind, and no matter what happens, like I go for a night out with friends, or take my son to the football, or even on holiday, thoughts always return to the debt mountain. Really don't know what the answer is shorty, because setting aggressive targets can become incredibly frustrating, and for me, usually ends up the same way (hence the reason why I've fallen off the wagon twice in the last 12 months). I think it's about getting the right balance.

A stupid drunken mistake brings me back to day one yet again. Not a massive loss in the grand scheme of things but am so upset because I was in casino with my wonderful husband and he is gutted that we lost. Can't bear to look at his sad face today 🙁

Am seriously starting to panic that I am never going to beat this thing. It's do much harder to keep going when you have lapsed so many times! I need something to focus on...some sort of reward for stayin on the wagon, I'm going to have a think today about what that focus could be. All I want to do today though is chase my losses 🙁 god I hate myself so much I truly am a bad bad person who does not deserve the love of my wonderful family I will only have myself to blame if this all comes out and I end up alone.

Thanks for dropping in Michael...we're like 2 peas in a pod you and me!! I think we focus in the debt cos we're both hiding it from our OH's and to get out of this without them finding out we need to clear the debt ASAP! When that debt free day comes I will cry my fricking eyes out from pure relief! I know a lot of the people on this forum wouldn't believe this but if I could clear the debt tomorrow I would never gamble again. I have learnt my lesson and I no longer gamble for pleasure but to try and shift the debt!

Anyway, not 100% sure I'll get through this day unscathed but I am going to try

Day 2....pretty impressed that I made it through yesterday. A minor achievement but an achievement none the less.

Going in and out of deep holes of depression. One minute I feel ridiculously optimistic and the next completely and utterly suicidal! I know things could be a million times worse and I have been very lucky coming out of the last month or so unscathed but it does not help the fact that I am back on Day 2 with a long long long way to go.

I have been a member of this forum now for a year. I remember the feeling the day I joined. I was shaking, the fear of getting caught and losing everything I love just too much to handle. I remember it like it was yesterday. I have come so far in that year and if I look back, although I have fallen off the wagon I have only lost a few hundred quid overall. If I looked back at my losses over the previous year my losses would have been 100 times that no doubt. Over 12 months I have paid back a staggering £10k off the debt and although I still have a few years to go this is an amazing step forward.

I will continue to chip away at the debt, but at a steady pace that I can easily manage. It's all about setting achieveble targets that I can stick to and that will allow me a bit of extra cash to do some fun things with the family. Today I set up a standing order of £50 a month into a savings account - not a lot but it will soon add up and it means that if something happens that I haven't budgeted for it won't mean I have to add to the credit card debt. That's the plan anyway!

Anyway, best go and do some work. Need to keep myself busy and need to make sure I fill my weekends. When I'm out and about and with friends neither gambling nor the debt comes into my head and that is exactly the way I want to live my life, as much as possible :=)