Take 2 this times for real

Hi Shorty, Just noticed that you haven't updated your diary for ages. Hope all is OK with you.

Hi Michael...I started another diary a while back, I gave up on this one lol. I haven't updated that diary since the beginning of December but I am please to say that I am 49 days clean at the minute. I really needed a break from this site. As much as it has been a life saver...I just needed to block out anything to do with gambling and it seems to have worked so far. I had a couple of minor blips at the end of Nov/beginning of Dec. Drunken nights out had a lot to answer for, but I am pleased to say that since then I haven't given it a second thought! I hope it stays that way.

I just read through your diary. You are doing AMAZING!! Sorry to hear that your home life is a bit rubbish at the mo. It normally gets like this in Jan, people are trying to be healthy etc etc and they get a bit touchy?! Is the wife on a diet perhaps?! lol. Dieting makes me a miserable cow hence why I go to the gym so I can eat what I like haha!

Anyway, it's so nice to hear from you 🙂 even though I have not been around much I always drop in on your diary to see how you are getting on 🙂

Milkman - I hope you are doing OK too...thank you for dropping by, it means a lot that people still think about you 🙂 xxx

Hi shorty, Really pleased ( and releived ) to hear that you're ok. Yes, my wife is on a diet - how can you tell ?! 49 days is terrific, and you know that the further you get into it, the harder it is to fall off again. I was extremely tempted myself a few weeks ago, even logged onto the casino, but the thought of that number at the top of each of my posts being reset to 0 was enough to put me off. But whatever works for you, keep doing it - there is no 'silver bullet'. All the very best.

Day 60. This has been the easiest 60 days I have managed. I don't know what has clicked in my brain but whatever it is I hope it stays. I know I have been staying away from this site (probably been dropping in once a fortnight) but I think I have just got fed up with anything to do with the dreaded 'G' word. My days are filled with work/family/cleaning/going out etc etc and I don't give it a second thought. My attitude towards money has changed. I don't add up every last penny, I have everything set up as direct debit. I know the debts are coming down and that is good enough for me. I do not see the point in stressing anymore. Life is short, too short to be worrying about money and definitely too short to waste it sitting infront of a computer screen wasting your hard earned cash.

Hi shorty, You haven't posted in ages - hope all is going well with you.

Hi Michael...I have been really bad recently. On the plus side it was not roulette it was in-play sports betting which I seem to be able to control a bit more and I have not added to the debt thank god. Luckily when I was up I made overpayments on the credit cards so at least I have not added to the financial stress. On the downside it has literally taken over my LIFE and that is what is annoying me more than anything. My mood is up and down, I'm not sleeping as well as I should be, I don't spend time with my husband and slope off for a bath so I can bet on my phone in peace! I know its wrong and I hate myself for it and thankfully I have reached the point where I am actually bored of it and myself. I want to be able to sit and watch a film and not worry about what the score of a flipping tennis match is!!!!

I think I have broken the back of the roulette addiction. I know that that is one quick road to financial ruin and I definitely do not want to go down that route again. On the other hand I am still an addicted gambler and it looks like sports betting is the next thing that I have to contend with but thankfully today I want to try and get over this aswell!!

I also found out that I am expecting another baby 🙂 am very happy and really excited but I could kick myself because I remember being pregnant with the last one and thinking 'this is it now, this is what I need to finally get over the gambling' well let me tell ya....having babies does not stop it and I am not going to kid myself that this next one will be the key either. I do know that I am nowhere near as bad as I was when I joined this site. Although I still have a HUGE amount of debt I am paying it off every month and the end is in sight. By them time I return to work after my matenity leave one of my loans will be paid off which will give us and extra £200 a month and I thank the lord that my credit score is not that great so I can not access anymore credit!

So....that is where I am at the minute....it's surprisingly that sense of relief you get when you close your account and know you can't bet again. Going to enjoy the simple things in life again without all the stress and I am very much looking forward to it!

P.S Congrats on your 300+ days that is AMAZING!!!!!!!!xxx

Hi Shorty,

I'm really pleased to read your post, and wow (!!) - that's great news, and I'm really happy for you (the baby bit that is !). However, on the gambling side, it sounds like things are not going so well for you. I'm not about to preach to you, as you can probably imagine what I'd say - stuff I know that you've heard all before. But the things which you are saying in your post - I can identify 100% with your money worries, and how you manage to keep this from your OH - I am in exactly the same boat. I'd really like you give you some motivational speech or something to spur you on, and I probably could - but you really have to look at your what you've got, and where you'd like to see yourself in 5 years, and where you think you might be if you don't break this cycle once and for all. I know it's tough, and I know it's easy for me to say it. Why don't you give yourself a break. You don't need the stress, the worry, the frustration, the anxiety, and every other bad, destruction emotion that comes with it. You have a young family, and one on it's way, and you're young enough to enjoy it - I'll tell you now, the most magical times are just around the corner, believe-you-me, speaking from my own experience, when I've pretty much lost 4 years of watching my kids growing up, being all-consumed by this horrible addiction. This preys on my mind all the time, and I know it will hit me full force this summer as my son finally leaves primary school. You have got to give all forms of Gambling up, because it'll consume you, and in 5yrs time, you'll wake up and realise that you've lost the most wonderful and magical time with your kids. I really cannot emphasise this enough.... and here's me saying I wasn't going to preach !!!!!

I really wish you the best of luck. Come on Shorty, you know it makes sense !

Hi! Thanks for your post...I needed it. Messed up again today but I am officially back on the wagon from tomorrow...day 1 and I will continue to count that days to spur me on. I messed up, I got weak, I thought I was ok because I wasnt really losing but I am losing...I'm losing my life!!!! No more. I know I've said it before but this is it. Not just doing it for myself now am doing it for my family. Will post again tomorrow xx

Here we go (again) DAY 1....feeling rather at peace with the world today...almost like that scene in Castaway when he's made peace with the fact that he's going to die at sea and he's lying on the wooden raft, the waves crashing around him....then all of a sudden a massive ship goes past and saves him! Well, not hopeful that anything is going to save me apart from myself but you get my drift!

Only got 3 days in work today then off on a mini break over Easter, will be nice to get away from everything and all temptation and just relax. Not going to worry about money, got spending money and intend to enjoy spending it.

I read this last night....perked me up a bit....hope you find it a good read 🙂

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 42 lessons life taught to me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written.” My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life ISN’T fair, but it’s still good!

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short - enjoy it….

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your FRIENDS and FAMILY will.

5. Pay off your credit cards EVERY month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument … stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone … it’s more healing than crying alone.

8. Save for RETIREMENT starting with your FIRST pay check.

9. When it comes to CHOCOLATE, resistance is FUTILE.

10. Make PEACE with your PAST, so it won’t screw up the PRESENT.

11. It’s OK to let your children see YOU cry.

12. DON’T compare your life to others. You have NO idea what their journey is all about.

13. If a RELATIONSHIP has to be a SECRET, you should NOT be in it….

14. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

15. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in MANY ways.

16. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you STRONGER.

17. It’s NEVER too late to be happy. But it’s all up to YOU and NO ONE else.

18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, DON’T take “no” for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. DON’T save it for a special occasion … TODAY is special.

20. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

21. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

22. The most important s*x organ is the BRAIN.

23. NO ONE is in charge of your happiness but YOU.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words “In five years, will this matter?!”

25. Always choose life.

26. Forgive but DON’T forget.

27. What other people think of YOU is NONE of your business.

28. Time heals almost everything … give time time.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it WILL change.

30. Don’t take yourself so seriously … NO ONE else does….

31. Believe in miracles.

32. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it NOW.

33. Growing OLD beats the alternative — dying YOUNG.

34. Your children get only ONE childhood.

35. All that truly matters in the end is that YOU LOVED.

36. Get outside every day … miracles are waiting everywhere.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab OURS BACK!

38. ENVY is a waste of time. Accept what you already have NOT what you want.

39. The best is yet to come…

40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

41. Yield.

42. LIFE isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a GIFT!”

Hi Shorty,

Fine words, and some have really rang true with me. A great way to start your recovery. Speaking from experience, the higher the number at the top of these posts, the less the tempatation to screw up is.

Day 2....starting reading Philip Mawer's book last night...have to say I have only read the first few pages and I have been nodding my head enthusiastically at everything he has written. I like his 'no excuses' approach. You either want to quit or you don't and it is breaking a habit. One good analogy he used was it is EASY to break a habit....for example...driving on the left hand side of the road in the UK is a habit....but we soon manage to drive on the right hand side of the road if we are in Spain! Great way to look at it. I will continue reading this book and I will read it over and over and over until I know it word for word. If I read it 1,000 times over my life and I never gamble again it will be time well spent!

Blooming exhausted today....could sleep standing up but at least only one more day of cr@ppy work left 🙂

Still feeling at peace with the world. Not worrying about debts anymore....minimum payments will be made every month and that is as good as it gets for now. I'm not going to worry about overpayments until I come back to work after maternity leave next summer. Luckily I get a bonus when I get back and that will enable me to pay off one of my loans a year early so I will be £200 a month better off so for now that is my only aim regarding money.

xx

Day 10....going strong....although I always start off like this so can't say my expectations are very high! Have read a bit more of Philip Mawers book, not sure it's for me but I am going to finish it all the same. Feel like I've fallen at the first hurdle (of the book) because it says you have to tell your friends and family and it's just not an option for me I'm afraid. Maybe I'm not 'rock bottom' enough to tell them and I'm hoping I never get there.

Need to get through the next 3 weeks, at least then the bank account will not been looking as shocking as it is at the minute. On the other hand, if the bank account does look healthier will I be more inclined to go back to my old ways? Probably. Maybe I keep it drastically overdrawn as a deterence. Not a bad idea, unless the bank recall the overdraft (which am sure is not likely as they love making money of it).

Had a great break away over easter, just what the doctor ordered and it was good to get away and clear my head. Not had any urges since I got back and I have decided that my new hobby is going to be cooking! I watch a ridiculous amount of cookery programmes however I always seem to make the same things week in week out so I am expanding my menu. Made chicken teriyaki on Monday, so simple and cheap and absolutely delicious, was very impressed with myself! Will be looking for a new recipe for this weekend to keep me occupied 🙂

Day 16. Had a minor urge to bet on the football last night, would have bet on Utd so I was rather pleased when I saw the final score! Another few hundred quid would have been sent down the drain. Apart from that it's been pretty plain sailing.

I have been surrounding myself with stories, documentaries about people who have been through hell and back, either through suffering from a disease or losing people they love. I know it sounds morbid but it make me feel bloody grateful for what I have got. What hit me like a brick is that these poor people did not have a choice about whether or not they suffered from cancer, brain tumours or their husband, child was murdered WE HAVE A CHOICE NOT TO GAMBLE!!! It is that flipping simple and I am not going to forget this lesson in a hurry.

Really suffering with pregnancy symptoms at the minute, just want to throw up or sleep so not really any time for thinking about gambling. REALLY determined to succeed this time. I want to fully enjoy my maternity leave. Last time I was in a crazy gambing phase and didn't enjoy it as I should have done, I was always distracted. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. I know that if I can get through the next 12 months and not add to the debts I will be so much better off each month. I know that focusing on the debts is detrimental as it makes you want to gamble again but I LONG for that debt free day!!!!

Day 22...it's true what they say, if you don't have your health nothing else matters. Been so ill for the past 10 days only just started to come round now. Not had a second thought about gambling which just shows when there's something more serious occupying your mind it'd bloody easy to quit! Not that I wanna feel like that forever but it definitely helps put it in perspective!!!

Days are flying by can't believe it's been 22 days! A week on Friday til payday when I get exhale a bit more. Need to keep focused but feeling strong and positive.

Day 26...no urges, no issues, not given it a second thought. Health improving, keeping busy got lots to do over the next 6 months before baby number 2 comes along so decorating is going to (hopefully) take up all my time. Got a nice little savings plan put together so that there is enough money to comfortably see me through maternity leave, if I can stick to it it will be a miracle but am more determined than ever this time. Got too much to look forward to and too much to lose if I screw it up again.