Take 2 this times for real

Thanks pinky... 🙂

Day 32...so tired and run down at the minute all I can think about is sleeping and when I can get back into bed to rest. Very very quiet weekend coming up so hoping that next weekend I will be posting a bit more had some good positive thoughts but no energy to write!xxx

Day 33 still shattered feel like I'll never feel awake again. If someone handed me 500 quid n put me in front of a roulette wheel I think I'd cry for my bed!! Every cloud n all that...

Day 34...husband away all weekend it's times like these I would sit for hours upon hours gambling away money I didn't have. Instead I plan on getting the kids to sleep, putting a face mask on and watching a film in bed. And u know what, nothing could make me happier right now. I don't want to speak to soon but I feel like something is different this time.

Shortly

You are doing so so well. Stay positive and strong and do NOT listen to those demons...

Thanks Jaym 🙂

Day 35...successfully managing to get through the 'home alone' weekend without a glitch...money is really tight at the minute. Have worked really hard over the past 35 days to either clear or move high interest debt and am not about to mess that up.

My mini target remains 28th July...should be getting near to 4k in the bank and another debt will be cleared. Still undecided whether to clear a credit card or pay off one of my loans a year early. The loan would mean I'd have 200 spare each month which would be nice. I say spare...it would be put towards another debt!

Enjoy ur weekend gamcarers xxx

Day 36...weekend almost over n not a thought has crossed my mind which I think has been unheard of in the whole time I've been a member of this site. Totally focused on clearing the debts at the minute I can make a real dent before the end of the year as well as starting to save a little every month. Onwards n upwards one day at a time xxx

Hi Shorty,

great attitude keep it going 🙂

Respect

Wolfgang

Thanks Wolfgang 🙂

Day 38...stressful times have returned but hopeful that I can get through them without the debts being found out and then I am SO determined to clear all my husbands debts as soon as possible!!! Whatever I have done he does not deserve to suffer the continuos mental torture of trying to pay the debts off.

Starting back at the gym tonight not been feeling up to it for a couple of weeks but need to get my backside into gear!

Day 39...same story...stressful times continue not sure when they will end, hopefully by the middle of May. Don't want to wish time away but looking forward to getting May out of the way and then there are some good weekends away planned. Had a constant stream of illness (nothing serious luckily) over the past couple of months so after a quiet May I'm hoping we will all be raring to go n there will be some good times ahead.

Gambling thoughts do not enter my head at the minute.

Day 41...finding 2 seconds to gamble would be a miracle at the minute things are so busy I don't know if I'm coming or going...long May it continue!clocking up some serious days now and more positive and determined than ever. Nothing is going to make me fail this time, for the first proper time since I started my recovery I can see light at the end of the tunnel...it might be a way off yet but it is there nonetheless.xxx

Day 42...have turned into a crazy person. Very dangerous times at the minute as when I don't give a f**k about anyone or anything I turn to my friend....gambling. Luckily I'm old hat at this n have noticed my trigger so feeling confident that I can escape without damage. Crazy bad angry mood is a culmination of things but the husband is getting the full force of it. Could really run away right now n if I didn't have kids I would do. Life really sucks sometimes n people are so cruel.

Hi shorty, just dropping by to see how things are. Hope your still winning this battle, you need to break the back of this, and rise above this anger, take a step back and try to relax. Easy for me to say I know, but as long as you don't succumb, things will get better, I promise.

Day 44....hi Michael...yes I'm doing good. I think it's the first time I've gone through a really bad mood/phase and not really considered gambling as an option. Feeling slightly better this morning, got out of the house for a few hours yesterday bought myself something new to wear (nothing expensive but nice to be able to buy something without a recent gambling loss in the back of ur mind!!). Been on the verge of bursting out crying, my mum phoned yesterday morning and it took all my strength not to have a complete breakdown on the phone 🙁 I think I need to go off and have a good cry but never get 5 minutes on my own and don't want my kids to see me upset.

Anyway...as I said I'm feeling slightly better today. Gambling is getting further and further in the distance and in the last 44 days I can honestly say it has barely entered my head. Could this be it? Time will tell.

Day 45....decided I'm going to make a really big effort to be a nicer person. Costs nothing and makes people feel great. I don't know why I naturally have a downer on life, people who know me would say I'm always happy and upbeat (but can be an opinionated and argumentative pain in the a**e lol). It amazing what a smile hides isn't it?

Next mini target is next Tuesday...should be able to move a chunk of cc debt to 0% for 12 months.

Gambling is no longer my friend.

Day 46...the recent stresses seem to have died down now, luckily I don't think my OH will discover the debts. I should be jumping from the rooftops but am still a bit down for some reason. Gotta keep plugging away at those debts. This time 2 years most of my loans will be paid off freeing up 620 pound a month. It's really not that long in the grand scheme of things!

Went back to the gym last night did improve my mood and will be going again tonight. Want to get to the peak of my physical fitness.