The periods in my life when I have not gambled have been so much better, happy and productive than when I have gambled. I have been clean for months or even close to a year yet I always succumb. Well I am 51 and with an amazing life, family, career but with this one dirty, painful secret. If I stop now I will be a better man, husband and father. I am so sorry for all the wasted time and money. It will not come back but my future stretches in front of me. It is time. Don't wish me luck just wish me strength, a clear head and patience.
Welcome invictus
Wishing you strength for the forthcoming journey.
What is it that helped you stay bet free for a year almost before?
What is it that made you go back?
Maybe use the answers to keep you on track work out the weaknesses and turn them into your strengths
Best wishes
Thank you Deano. I am ready to end this for good. I am not really in debt and risking my peace of mind and family security is too much. If I stop now then I have an amazing life. If I don't then I prolong this pain, deceit and paralysing addiction. I will beat this. "No matter how long you travel in the wrong direction you can always turn around." Time to start walking in the right direction.
Hi Invictus
I too abstained - for over 2.5 years and I can tell you, that period of my life was most definitely peaceful. Back here to resume peace and harmony once more. Family is most important and if we are lucky to have a good family, which we both have, that's priceless!
Have a lovely weekend.
Our Lady.
Hi Our Lady. At the moment one of the hardest things about my current mess is that I was in hell 5 or 6 years ago with nasty debts etc. And then I got myself out of it. It was a great feeling and a proud achievement. So how could I risk the hell again? I feel so stupid. I knew this could happen AND IT DID! Oh well. Hopefully this time I will learn the lesson for good. Best wishes to you and all here.
On April 1st I will be at a friend's memorial service. I think I will make that an initial target of just over a month clean. My experience of fighting this problem tells me if I get this far and begin April with my overdraft clear and nothing on credit card then I will be feeling much happier and stronger. I should probably take a moment to thank myself when not gambling as I drastically reduced my credit limit and overdraft years ago so I if I did fall there would at least be a manageable limit.
Had some good work news this morning which certainly perked me up! As the day has worn on I have become aware of just how much gambling has really messed up my head. As soon as I have a slightly dead spot at work my thoughts immediately turn to gambling instead of going onto the next work task or something else constructive. It has made me lazy in a way that I don't like but I can easily resist the urge to increase my overdraft to gamble more today. One of the hardest things about stopping is that the easiest way to dull the pain of gambling losses is to gamble more. Just got to face the pain and get on with life. I chose to gamble. I must take my medicine. Definitely no gambling today!
The speed which I became addicted to gambling again is very scary. I have 2 aspects to my addiction which I think are common to most of us. I can't accept losing and I am impatient about the pain and loss which goes with losing and then the consequent debt built up to chase the losses. The one good thing about my current nightmare is that I haven't increased my credit card limit or overdraft to keep chasing but the fact that I have maxed them both out shows me I can't be trusted with credit. So instead of having a couple of grand in debt hanging over me tempting me to clear it by winning it back. I have wiped it out with a loan payable over a year so I will just have it added to my other monthly payments. Of course I have cut up my credit card and also removed my overdraft facility to avoid using them again! This is making me feel less pressured about my losses which is removing one of the triggers but I am still very down about the fact that I did so well to beat gambling and yet it got me again. My life is essentially wonderful when I don't gamble. I have so much to be grateful for so why did I start gambling again when I had it beaten??? I'm so sorry.
Just made my first appointment for counselling. Feels a bit scary but I need to move things on with as much help as possible.
Am now over 6 weeks into freedom! Obviously feel much better and no problems fighting the occasional urges. Just like lots of others here I realise the financial devastation lasts longer. I also realise that aiming for a quick fix by gambling more would be a disaster and that the time taken to help heal my finaces is the most important part of my recovery. Got to be patient and keep my eyes on the prize! If I can get to Christmas gamble free not only will I be 9 months in the clear but also finances healthy and restored. Got to keep being strong!!!
Am now beyond 12 weeks clear and feeling very happy. Debt is reducing and feel very optimistic. The Jekyll and Hyde nature of my gambling addiction is quite remarkable. I just can't see me gambling again and yet only 3 months ago I was completely out of control! Have had a few counselling sessions and am finding it very interesting. It is working on a much deeper level than just stopping or self excluding. It is probably best that I am seeing him when I have some distance between me and my last bet. I am definitely recovering in every respect but still have a way to go. I am winning!
Brilliant. Hoping I can get to where you are! I am only on day 3. Feeling positive now though after a horrible few days.
4 months in and life getting better and better. Barely even think about gambling. No urges at all. Have a very quiet couple months of Summer ahead. Work going well, debt reducing nicely and also replenishing a precious coin collection that I sold to pay gambling insanity. Finding it much easier to look forward to a beautiful and peaceful future than back towards the empty, destructive, chaos of the past. Long may this lovely gamble free life continue!
Haven't posted for a year but what a beautiful year! No gambling. No thoughts of gambling. See you in a year's time.
Congratulations !!! Hope you continue to have a peaceful Year. You deserve it
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