The Past Was Yours But The Futures Mine

We do have enjoyment from gambling, that's why we are all in this position! There ain't none of us finding it easy! I dread the thought of not being able to gamble again but I'm not going back to the scared, lonely, manipulative person that I was!

Reading through these pages recovery is probably never having a bet again because each slip tends to be harder & faster than the last! I think you had the sense to come straight back because you realised this! In any case, this early in your recovery, you can't have the strength you would require to be responsible yet anyway...If you had lost, I am sure you would have been back to the old chasing ways!

Seriously mate, let it go & get through your degree without the distractions that gambling brings. Time is precious, use it wisely - ODAAT

Yes I agree thanks for your honesty deep down you are right!!

Today is day one again. Just a short post for now whilst I get my head around things got lots going on at the minute which is why I relapsed. Need to refocus and rethink strategies again.

Finally got my head around things after these silly little blips that happen! If you get complacent and dont respect recovery or how dangerous gambling again is a relapse is never far away.

I understand my triggers to be when i am working too much or when I have a lot of study on or if im not doing things away from that which I enjoy and keep your mind away from gambling.

My slips over the last 6 months have tended to come every 2 months into recovery so i need to keep the barriers up and remind myself that just because ive not gambled for that period im suddenly recovered and can just gamble again. The positive is when i have slipped each one has been less damaging and for less period of time.

Uni is going really well im on course for a first and my job which i started in october im in line for a promotion. Also my debt is still coming down

Its an absolute f****n rollercoaster but im fastening myself in this time and back to taking things one day at a time.

"Where theres life theres got to be hope and where theres a will theres a way"

I will beat this I know I will otherwise I wouldnt be here typing my thoughts.

Day 2 no gambling today.

Recovery for me is never gambling again. If you cling to the hope of one day controlling it you are living in fantasy land brother. You are a compulsive gambler accept it. When you gamble you become powerless your life becomes unmanageable. Try GA meetings give them 90 days it will change your life if you let it

Yeah I realise that it just takes some knocks along the way. I wish i had the time to make some meetings or get some counselling but lifes very hectic at moment.

You always found time to gamble but cant find 2 hrs a week to change your life?

Knew you was going to come back with that? I didnt gamble 24/7 and you dont know my personal circumstances...Its not as easy as that is it?

No it is not. Im not judging you i dont know your personal circumstances or your emotional history but i do know how you deal with those situations because i used the same solution as you for 25 years. All im saying is this is really hard & give yourself the best possible chance to overcome it.

Yeah I agree the nearest ga or counselling involves a 5 hour round trip including meeting/counselling session. I Work full time and got 20,000 words to write at uni over 4 months would probably break down if i had counselling etc as well haha.

You are right about dealing with this im just going to keep trying and see where it takes me. I am on the right track I have spent about 300 quid on gambling since november and by this time next week will have paid off 1600 in debt so in perspective thats big prorgress for a CG. Ultimately though i never want to spend another penny on it.

Lets focus on the positives, you are doing well at uni and progressing well with your career. To do this whilst having a gambling problem is a big achievement and you should be proud of yourself. You have slipped up, but most importantly you have come straight back on here and admitted the slip. The easiest thing would have been to walk away and give up. Try and work out your triggers and see if you could put anymore barriers in place to prevent a future slip. You can do this!!!

Thanks bornagain! Im just going to keep things simple and concentrate on my recovery for the time being will try to post everyday then im back to making the commitment it takes to beat this.

Day 3 no gambling. No thoughts today.

Hi StoneRoses,

Just caught up with your diary.

Hang in there mate, you can beat this you know......'One day at a time'.....

Keep strong mate

All the best

Ade

Hi Stone, lovely to see you back putting this little blip behind you 🙂

Keep working hard on your recovery but (sorry to harp on) don't forget how good it felt putting pen to paper. I never went to Uni & I quite like the idea of living vicariously through yourself (hope you don't mind?). You must be a pretty switched on cookie to be on target for a first & looking @ promotion already 🙂

Keep up the hard work - ODAAT

Thanks one day at a time 🙂 Looking back through my diary and i've decded i'm just going to be positive about things and enjoy recovery again as there are so many benefits! Feel really good today. The pressure of writing a dissertation is tough at the moment trying to research and figure out where to start! it's been tough studying and working full time but in four months time hopefully I can have a certificate of first degree honours that nobody can take away from me!

My four big aims for this year are to move out, clear debt, get a first in my degree and not gamble.

Just paid some more debt off in november I had three payday loans i now have 0!! which is great.

Gambling Debt 6,120.00

Current Debt about 4750.00 but may pay some more off over next week 🙂

Day 4. Not gambling today for a better tomorrow.

Thanks Emily 🙂 we can do this.

No gambling today, payday tomorrow cant wait to go out at the weekend and also treat myself to a few things. Everythings looking up.