The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists

I am feeling very grateful right now.

Every day I cannot help but notice the benefits that recovery provides.

I am giving addiction not one minute of my time which means things are under control at work and I have more valuable time to devote to my wife and children.

I am so very fortunate to have the unwavering support of my wife, friends, coleagues and members of this forum. Without this support I would be overlooking the precipice of rock bottom and I do not know where I would be right now

We have a family holiday in Cornwall planned in August and I want to make this the best holiday ever.

In previous years I would have started panicking by now being so worried about finding the money to pay for a small holiday for my family. This always led to gambling and to my making my situation profoundly worse. I will never forget the time when, 3 weeks before our family holiday 2 years ago, I sat with my wife at the dining room table and had to explain why I could not pay for the accommodation or contribute towards the spending money. I cried in my wife's arms and told her. She was not angry. She knew I was suffering. She simply held me and told me that together we would work things out.. and so we did. The anger naturally followed later on!

These past months I have shown my wife and oblivious kids that I have changed for the better and the trust is clearly back again. In just another 3 months of abstinence I will hopefully be where I have wanted to be for so long and then I will finally be able to start to put the badly gone wrong "gambling experiment" behind me. Of course my recover will be go on forever.

Markman 119 DGF

Well done Markman! So proud of you pal. Stay strong. Keep the faith.

Thank you very much again change.

100 days plus VAT.

Markman 120DGF

Steadily building up the gamble free days.

Not in the perfect place yet but every day I am inching that bit closer.

I dread the thought of where I would be right now had I not stopped gambling back on 10th January.

How glad I am that final big bet did not come in. What I realise now is that big bet not coming in was perhaps my biggest win in 10 years!

Markman 125DGF

Evening Markman,

Well done mate on 125 days gf that's a great achievement.

Each day you don't gamble that perfect place gets closer keep up the hard work mate.

Shaun

I have no business lamenting or feeling sorry myself today. All focus on those poor victims in Manchester and their families. Bless them all.

Morning Markman,

How are you doing? 140 days gf now that's a great achievement mate keep it going.

Shaun

Thanks Shaun 140DGF indeed!

Payday. Mortgage Paid. Check. DMP Paid. Check. Household Bills Paid. Check. Pocket Money for Kids. Check. Pocket Money for Me. Working on it, but at least there is noone chasing me or a hunt for loose change to pay for fuel to go to work.

5 Weeks and 5 days to go.

Markman 141DGF

Still gamble free.

5 months months of abstinence and all of the financial worries wrought by addiction have vanished in an instant.

I can now look back at my 10 years in limbo as if it were just a bad dream.

The future is what I must focus on now. Must avoid complacency and get to accept and understand my self again.

Markman 148DGF

Very tired this morning. Up until 3am watching NBA. I have been a Warriors fan for years so amazed at their final run. As it happens I recently got back in touch with an old primary school friend and we hit it off as though scholl had never ended 27 years ago. By amazing coincidence he is a Cavaliers fan so he will not be grinning quite as much as me. I am not looking forward to having to endure today. As ever, completely self-inflicted, but at least I have not woken up to a massive gambling loss which I have done countless times in the past.

Markman 149 DGF

Markman,

150 days GAMBLE FREE!!!

Well done mate such a great achievement.

Shaun

Thanks again Shaun. I have replied on your thread .

6 months ago I was feeling worthless and I never believed I had the strength or courage to ever turn my back on addiction for this long.

Today I sense that people are taking me seriously again and have faith that I am changing for the better with each day.

I am still troubled with immense guilt for the pain I have caused others in my selfish pursuit of gambling. I still live in fear of relapse or a change in circumstances which could upset the current order of my routine however tedious.

I am still taking life day by day. I am grateful for all of things I have and need to cling on to them for dear life.

For some reason my urges have come back with a vengeance recently. Perhaps due to my having accepted the status quo. This is complacency territory. I have been there before. So I read a few diaries - a stark reminder how bad an addiction ruled life can be and how quickly recovery can capsize. I need to remember the lows. One single bet is not worth it.

Markman 169 DGF

Ride them out Markman, they are nothing more than bad thoughts & living with them is an awful lot less painful that living on the precipice we were on whilst in action. Addiction is trying to cling on & as you start to process your pain, you will begin to accept that gambling no longer plays a part in your life & the urges become easier to bat away.

You only need to do one thing to avoid a relapse...Stay away from that 1st bet. Enjoy Wittering & keep fighting - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT. Whilst the urges are strong I will not give them any satisfaction. I have ridden the recovery merry go round far too long and know that the urges are always strongest when I am in a good place. Good old complacency. It is when I feel inner turmoil that the thought of gambling horrifies me and somehow the urges are seen as more of a danger and shunned.

Today marks the 170th day since my last bet and I just love the freedom attached to my abstinence. Family and work are my priorities. I am not a gambling slave any more.

Markman 170 DGF