the right road

What I mean at the end is im a recovering gambling addict , last year I was in bookmakers shops everyday , now its been on average once or twice a week scince the turn of the new year , as off now its going to be never again , theres more to life than this.

Hi there

Well done for finding your way here and for sharing your story with us. You will find great advice help and support here.

Keep writing down in your diary, all your feelings and thoughts. Good and bad. Even if it looks like nonsense. Write it down. It will help you.

The biggest step you have taken towards the freedom that is beating this terrible illness is coming here, so thats a great achievement.

Sometimes we can be so raw from the loses, so in pain from losing that that is the big motivator in wanting to stop. The dangerous times come when we get paid again or have more money. 'Ammunition' I called it. Its easy to give up when you have no money. I would be completely destroyed and in such pain from losing everything that i would vow never to do it again. I would profess to everyone i was 29 days gambling free, but in reality i was waiting for payday. in the back of my mind once i had all my ammunition back.. i would put it all right. get that big win. then i would stop. I thought BEATING IT... meant once I had won big. And then stop. Its a fallacy! even when i won 12,500 i couldnt stop. i held off for a week and was just miserable the whole time. i was only happy when i had gambled it all away again. then another 3,00 chasing that loss. You need to let all the loses go. Only then will you be free to beat this forever.

Your Grandma sounds like a wonderful lady. She must be so scared and worried for you. How great would it be to start paying her back, instead of giving it all to greedy bookies.

10,000 is so much money.. but its gone. The good news you are so young still. Please dont get to 39 like me and look back and regret those wasted years. I wish I had found this site a decade ago. Not the money I lost but the time. THE TIME is what i want back.

Free yourself. Find out why you gamble. get to the root of the problem. Only being gamble free allows you to understand your urges and your triggers.

The panic attacks are horrible. BAck in 2010 I was signed off work for 2 months with depression because I just stopped functioning. All because of gambling. I am so lucky still to have a job. You know the root of them is with your gambling. Take it one day at a time. Come on here and post to your diary, Read through others. It will help you so much.

BE POSITIVE. STAY STRONG. JUST BREATHE

All the best

Kyle

17 months gamble free

The greatest win I will ever have is to learn I will never win gambling.

Hi kyle , im finding it tough not gambling but still going strong , even though I dont have a job at moment im not giving in , nor am I lending money to go back to that horrible habit!

Im seeing a counceller now as ive been depressed for over 2 month now I turned to drink on weekend , which by sunday I realised do I want to be going down this road ? I went to my docters monday told her all my problems and in the end it was allabout expepting what ive done in past. We all make mistakes and I how we dictate are future.

I wont make the same mistake I have done near enough every week turning to alcohol , I had a urge to gamble yesterday instead of calming down going to pub I went for a jog , now im starting gym and exercising.

I will pay my grandma back if I could giver her money back every week I would be over moon , but I have to accpet I cant until I get a job.

thanks for advice . Im still going strong havnent gambled since my 1st post. Off for a nice run to take my stress away. Who needs anti depresants all mind over matter.

Jamie

Hi everyone , so still not gambled since I joined on here , I had a defiante urge yesterday night with the football to drive to a bookmakers and put a bet on , even though I did correct the right results , it gives me great pleasure to say I didnt go!!! I watched manchester united get beat that made me happy because im in leeds fan it makes it all worthwhile !! Keep going strong people going to go for a jog and exercise as im full of anxitey and stress today.

Expecting my past is a big thing in me changing my lifestyle now Normally about a month ago I would be stressing out having a cigeratte ( stopped smoking aswell ) contemplating wether to puta bet on , now im going for a jog !!!

seeing my counceller tommorow , hope the rest of you are all pulling through !! Im always hear to talk.

Jamie

So these past few days have been a nightmare , I'm hurting myself and my family with all the lies I have told. I'm still unemployed and setting my own electrical business up , I new things would be hard trying to find work and I have been borrowing money again to gamble. Telling lies again to my grandma my mum and my dad that I need for job materials , when I have been in a bookmakers all day and blown over £300. I sit hear now writing this not for sympathy but help. The addiction took over my brain these past few days , what started off with a football bet escalated into a full blown gambling spree. I have let my self down so much. We live and learn I get that. But do you learn if you keep doing the thing that's hurting you most. I've never been a jealous person but having seen my friend walk out of a bookmakers with 1k made me feel so jealous. I don't want to think like that, that's not me. I'm seeing a counseled not the 24th march , even though I'm skint now all I can think about is , it's another day tommorow ure luck will come. I know it doesn't work like that aswell , if I'm not careful this addiction will kill me I know that. It's the most horrible feeling in the world having to lie to your family. I know I will overcome this , if I post on here I will never lie or ask for sympathy.

hi jamie , and welcome keep strong mate , you really really must self exclude now , its late at the min but as soon as you up you must self exclude , self exclude from every bookies casino and online site you have used and ask any others loacl to self excude even if you not joined there is no shame in self excluding also ask them to self exclude you from any linked sites or companys as this will take away temptation to look for another place to gamble . maybe give your cards to somebody you trust as this will helpbtake away temptaion , ive not really betted in bookies but apparently you might need to take a photo and identification with you when self excuding and dont worry about anyone overhearing as they will probably be wishing they had the strengh to self excude like you, i was an online better ive only gone 10 days, i once spent £1800 in 10 mins and only didnt spend more because they froze my account , i had turned into a monster , and worse i had managed to hide this from everyone, that scared me because i almost wanted evryone to find out , but they didnt and havnt , apart from a couple of friends i have told a little to and my work colleuge who set up this site up, but i could not and cannot ever tell anyone the amount of money i have lost , because i could not handle the disapointment on my mom and dads face , i think that would just kill me , my last loss was 10 days ago i lost £1000 over a 4 day period , and in total i have lost in under 18 months £43000 , thats sick but whats gone is gone , and its just time to stop now. i felt like crying when i read your diary because , you reminded me and until reading your diary i didnt remember , you reminded me of when i lied to my dad , about when he got some money out of my isa for me , i told him it was for builing work , but it went straight on an online casino site £2500 quid of it that was the last amount in my head i was going to spend to try and win some money , that was over £15000 back , and another point you reminded me of , i just dont drink but i ended up buying bottles of brandy and would start to drink a bottle in 2 or 3 days big swigs at a time just to cope with the pressure of a big loss . I really thank you for reminding me about my lies and my drinking as to be honest i had blocked those memories out , but remembering this makes me more determind to stop . I have my own business and kinda let it run on auto pilot for 18months but i dont think i would of had it in 12 months if i did not stop now , so mate you need to stop now if your seriousabout starting your business , and think you should speak to a member of your family or someone to look after your money if you can but seriously self exclude tomorrow your not worling at the mo so you ahve time to do it. But good luck with your business or new job , dont waste the rest of your life gambling , WE CANNOT WIN BECAUSE WE CANNOT STOP , sorry to ramble i do go on , keep strong go for them runs , very weird i started gambling recently trying to take my mind off gambling , think it works , every time you wnat to gmble come on here , be a winner stop gambling . thanks simon

hi jamie , sorry for more reading but noticed i made big mistake in what i wrote at the end of my last message , i didnt mean ive started gambling to take my mind off gambling , that would of been stupid , i meant its weird because ive started running just like you to take my mind off gambling and i think it works. Last point when you self excluding tomorrow if you go into the bookies to self exclude , DONT take any money with you , also maybe take somebody friend or family member with you to make sure you go through with it , cheers mate . stick to stopping

Hi Simon thanks for your reply , this week has been the worst week ever , I sit hear now full of anxiety and depression , thinking should I have drink now to relieve the tensions that are running through me. I have self excluded my self and not rarely gambled and I don't want to at all , I still get the urge and when I don't gamble I have become depressed , it's a vicious cycle which I will get through.

Thank you Jamie