The road to recovery...84 months on.

Morning Ade-thanks for your reply.

Yes, must beat this and will take it one day at a time.

I've still got a lot of difficult days ahead-have still to tell my partner the mess i'm in but before i do i want to show her that i'm facing up to my problem.

Any experience with GA meetings?

How long have you been "gamble free"?

G

morning gazza

well done in taking your first steps to living a gamble free life. I have been gamble free for 40 days now and without the help of this forum and GA i fear i would be in a much worse place still. I have to say the more help you can get fella the better your recovery will feel and i personally think GA has been fantastic i go there pin my ears back and listen there is so much support there and i see it as a form of medication a good dose once a week helps keep the fight real and stick in hand i am today day 41 winning the battle. I also encourage you to talk to your partner, it will be difficult but you i hope like me find another huge amount of support there too. Take it one day at a time and you can do this.

dont forget be kind to yourself you cant change what has happened in the past but can decide your future

duncs one more step forward never back.

Thanks for your reply.

I'm at the stage that i'll give GA a go.

This illness is so hard to deal with because it is so secrative that i'm looking forward to talking openly about it.

Tried talking to a so called friend but this back-fired spectacularly. The strange thing is he has a similar problem.

Is it a good idea to count the gamble free days?

Ade.

Thanks for your reply.

Think i'll try the day counting starting today as Day 1.

setting goals seems like a good idea.

Have just heard from the RCA counselling service who have set up an appointment for me-date/time tbc

MUST do all i can to stop and to stay stopped.

Some of the things i've typed over the last few days seem drastic too,almost unreal.Also the people i've spoken to on the phone-can't believe the stupid behaviour that chasing my money brings out in me-it's like another person.

Feeling a slight sense of refief that i'm taking a small step

Welcome and a huge well done to you for making the most important decision in your life.

And that is to stop this madness that is called gambling.

By making all the right choices, you WILL get through this.

Sounds like a good choice to me, telling your loved one after the stresses of pregnancy. I am sure that you will find the best time that you can to tell her (and there never is a perfect time).

The time for you to stop really is ideal as you are coming to such an exciting stage in your life with a littl' un on its way.

As for counting the days, it's a personal preference. I used to count how many days I was gamble free but now prefer to look forward to achieving my future dreams.

But like Ade said, one day at a time works for a lot of us on here. And if needed, one hour at a time during the difficult days.

All the very best,

GT

Many thanks for your replies.

The guilt i'm feeling is HUGE. Woke up feeling so guilty this morning-won't gamble again,must stop.

Massive decisions ahead in the near future.

When i gamble it's like i'm a different person.

Resposabilities as a partner and father go out the window during the couple of hours of madness.

When you take a step back you realise how crazy the whole addiction is-explaining this to someone without a gambling problem is so hard.

Anyway,onwards with day 2

Thanks again for your support.

I'm finding the guilt the hardest thing to deal with.

My partner helped me out of a bad financial situation caused by gambling around 3 years ago-can't believe i've let her down again.

So wished i'd saught help then.

Trying to keep strong but it's hard.

This diary is proving very helpful in getting by day to day.

GA meeting arranged for this Thursday,also waiting to hear from a counsellor which should be soon.

Any experience of counselling?

gazza

be kind to yourself fella, in facing your addiction you will day by day become a better person for it. From day one i stopped lying,decieving cheating my family and working double hard to re-pay the love they spent on me that through gambling i screwed up and tossed aside, today i feel more worthy than i can remember and i accept i cant change the past but will through arresting my addiction decide a better future. I hope GA is as helpfull to you as it has been for me fella

all the best one day one step forward at a time duncs.

Duncan,

Thanks for your post.

Still can't get past the feeling of self-loathing and guilt.

Will try and deal with this. This is the part of the addiction that wakes me up in the early hours-the hurt i've caused,problems i've created.

Battling on though.

Signing in for day 3.

Busy at work.

No spare cash so gambling not an option.

must try and sort out some of my debt.

Have a good day everybody

Another harsh lesson learnt this morning when i had to pay for petrol with a bag of 20ps!!!

I did think it was £1s when i picked it up though.

First GA meeting tonight-feeling a little nervous as not sure what to expect.

Still the awful guilty feeling won't ga away. again woke me up early this morning,this probably contributed to the 20p fiasco!

Onwards with day 4.

Gazza,

I have been attending counciling at RCA for the past 5 weeks or so. I was unsure before I went. But after ten minutes or so I realised it was the right thing to do. I feel it keeps me focused. I nearly didn't go the first time my thoughts and feelings were all over the place. I have put some of my experiences on my diary have a read if you have time it's called rock bottom. It may be that you find it useful.

All the best stay focused

Jimmy1888

Hi gazza

Well done on everything you have achieved here so far - it really can be a turning point in your life. Hope the GA meeting went well. Many people here are about to embark on sessions there so it would be really helpful to read what happens.

A note about guilt. Although it doesn't feel like it, the guilt is a good thing. If you didn't feel any then it would make your recovery so much harder. We feel guilty because we care, have morals and principles depsite our loss of control when we are gambling. The feelings will subside with time but remember them and use it to distance yourself from those feelings in the future.

Sounds like you're doing well and I look forward to reading your successes.