The road to recovery...84 months on.

Day 41

Feeling more positive today.

2 missions :

1. Earn trust and respect

2. Never gamble again

Away to do some ironing !!!!!

Hope everyone has a good day

gazza.

The "gambling googles" are binned for you today my friend,just for today keep them there and tomorrow will be a better day for it that is 100% certain. Well done fella.

duncs compulsive gambler NO BET TODAY.

Day 42-6 weeks

Stayed positive today.

Feeling a little better.

Hope this lasts.

Hope everybody is well

Gazza.

6 weeks fella a massive WELL DONE.

And just for today you feel better my friend because of the hard work you have put in to abstaining from gambling and life will improve all the time you continue to work hard at the gamble free life. Be kind to youself you are really achieving hey 6 weeks of your life back!!

duncs compulsive gambler NO BET today.

Day 43 and 44

missed yesterday as busy at work.

Day 44

More of the same.

The thought of wasting money gambling repulses me. Hope i feel like this for years to come.

Day 45

Been thinking a lot about what a member of my GA meeting said last week;

The older you get,it's not just money you are gambling with but your partner/wife, your kids,your home.

It brought it home to me just why i will never gamble again.

Still feeling guilty about our finances and will probably do so for a long time yet. I need to show my partner that i can be trusted once again-this is very important to me.

Hope everyone is well

Gazza.

sounds like you have pinned those ears back in your GA meeting, it is better that the thoughts of the meetings occupy your mind rather than the ones of having a punt fella.It for me is a place were not only can I share my recovery with likeminded folk but a place to gain my gamble free education. I see it as medicine I take a dose of for 2hrs a week and if I keep the lid off it will keep working as a further tool to aid in my fight to abstain from gambling.

You are right gazza it is a life choice fella and you have to put your past were it is, in the past and live just for today a better life for the fact that today NO BET.

Learn to trust yourself the rest will follow.

duncs stepping forward never back.

Day 46

Busy day at work again.

GA meeting tonight.

Trying to stay strong and positive.

Hope everybody has a good day

Day 47

staying focussed after my GA meeting last night.

The member's recovery story was inspirational and further reminded me why i must never gamble again.

I'm getting more and more from the meetings each time, which is making me stronger in the fight to beat this horrible compulsion.

Still carrying around the guilt but i'll have to deal with this.

One day at a time.

Hope everyone is well,

gazza

Day 48

Up and down kinda day.

Tried to keep busy.

no thoughts of gambling. Each day away from it i feel less inclined to waste money on it.

Sorry this is dull but it's how it is!

Day 49 (7 weeks) and day 50

It's hard to believe that 7 weeks have passed since i started writing this diary.

I'm in a better place now and the fog is starting to lift.

I do appreciate that there are still tough times ahead.

To earn the trust that i have lost will be really difficult but i'm determind to do this more and more.

Financial difficulties are still there but i'll try to do whatever i can to start to pay them off.

Thanks to everybody who has read my diary and offered words of support.

Onwards with day 50

gazza. I am at my first peak in the gamble free climb and fella i can see you coming through that fog the light at the end of the tunnel is ahead for us fella dont look back just keep stepping forward and enjoy your life gamble free well done my friend you should be very proud of yourself. Duncs compulsive gambler no bet today.

Hi Gazza,

Thanks for your message. Glad to see that you are staying gambling free. Keep it going fella.

Dave

Day 51

Thanks for your post Dunc and NM.

Everyday the thought of gambling repulses me, what i could lose is a stark reminder of why i will never gamble again.

Talking over my finances with my parner last night, it struck me that she is still very wary of my recovery and my relationship with money and gambling.

This is hard, showing i can be trusted with money.

However, i can only deal with this one day at a time.

Hope everybody is well

Hi Gazza,

Thanks for your message. I couldn't agree more. We can do this. Like you say we have far too much to lose not to. Stay strong. It will take time but the trust will gradually come back.

Hope that you are having a good day.

Take care

Dave