There is hope for a better tomorrow

My moral compass ODAAT...I seen your message this morning and thought about it all day.

I poured water over the fire all last Summer, everytime. I was verbally abused in a meeting that my manager sat at. Catty rude emails, walk into a room, silence, snide comments, going to my ward knowing I wasn't on duty, collecting my work that I had left to do, and bringing it to my manager and saying it had been left and not done....that is just some of it. I kept polite, keep civil kept professional. The last incident, was calling me in an email to a senior manager. Which I replied to, but was very clear, that this was the line in the sand, my politeness was over. All for what, because I work part of my hours there, and am allowed to fix my rota to make the jobs work together. And I keep myself to myself...not in a rude way, I just don't like going for lunch, to back bite and moan. I have one other colleague who doesn't go for lunch for this reason. I cannot keep being polite, and keep getting treated like that. Since I started fighting fire with fire, I feel better for it. They have backed off a little, as they know that I am not messing, that I will finish it through. It is the best way, it is not how I normally deal with things, in fact it goes against a lot of what I am about..But it is what I am doing. Just so you know, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have wrote the same email to you, that you did...you are right, I just wanted to explain why it is this way. 🙂

Julie x

Sheesh, who needs enemies when you have colleagues like that 🙁 Not sure that you needed to but thanks for the explanation & not being offended @ me being an interfering old bat!

Congrats on the interview date 🙂 & hoping you'll get some time to prepare before Wednesday & then smash it out of the park or just charm the pants off of them, maybe not right off but you know what I mean...Or I could have just said 'Good luck' (not sure when I started saying in 10 what I could in 2)!

Hi Julie... the work place can be very hard thats for sure. I think if money wasn't needed, i'd quite happilly spend my time pottering around in my own thoughts.

Thanks for your recent support

S.A 🙂

ODAAT..I needed to share for me I think, sometimes, I bottle things up and your comment about my side of the street got me thinking about it all..Great therapy. Yeah who needs enemies when there are people around like them. Hope you have had a good weekend, and you are not indeed and interfering old bat!!! I am not right all of the time, and I value in-put from wise souls like yourself, to keep me on the straight and narrow.

SA moving on to you. How the hell are you. Good to see you posting, and no worries on the recent support, you would do it for me, and I know you would, Keep the faith x

I am so drained and knackered after a very long day today. Cannot get the enthusiasim to type anymore than this. So good night world.

Julie x

Up and ready for the week ahead...yesterday was intense but we all have days like that. Slept well last night. This morning met a new person on the journey of life. When I rocked up here a good few months ago now, I was broken. I was at the end of a battered long journey that had took me to a very low place. I have said this before, but I will always be in gratitude to Gamcare for putting me on the right road. Everyday I get up, I try and be the person that I want to be....I have realised that I set myself very high standards....but hey such as the nature of being me. Anyways I digress, I met a new person today that made me realise that Gambling Addiction affects us all, it doesn't matter who you are, where you are, and how you are...it gets you. Many months later, as we both walk down the same road, it was good to put a face to the support and valued input that I get from this person.

I am getting stronger everyday, every week! Life seems to have moved up a gear. This week is a big week, where I interview for the dream of all dreams...I have felt for a while that this career path has been mapped out for me. 4 years ago, I went to Sheffield to interview for a place on the Masters program. I wasn't ready, I didn't know that at the time, but I wasn't ready. This is my time, and I just need to want it badly enough.

Having a gambling adddiction has been shocking to me. I think I always knew that I sailed very close to the wind with things. But this past few months, I have really had to look at myself as a person.

I strive to get up everyday and be a decent human being. Some days that works better than others.....Today is one of the better days. For anyone today that is struggling, there is hope of a better tomorrow. It is not easy, oh some days will drive you to the brink, but you have to change what you want from life.....

Am away off to put some time into my dreams, and read the Sunday Times...

Julie x

Hello my little Irish friend

There's nothing wrong with having high standards for yourself. Always strive to be a better person than you were yesterday. You my friend are a lovely human being especially helping out someone you have never met shows how good you are . See now here's me returning the buttering up from your post over to me .

Any how I've been meaning to ask how you've been getting on at the diet club ?

Have a peaceful Monday x

Tip toeing onto your diary, the reason for a tip toe is before I get the chance to say hello and that I've been following your progress and support to others, but I also tend to disagree with a post you've just sent. Addiction tends to keep us in an immature mode, so you fighting ones corner maybe described as honourable but could also be described as detrimental. Hitting the nail on the head with a massive sledge hammer can be just as rewarding as sugar coating there there support as I imagine you possibly know.

I also like to see f & f 's on this side to remind us of the carnage we did to our other halves.

Despite my not agreeing with your post, I do applaud you as an supportive asset to this forum. I wish you well

Hi Volcano (waves)

I am not actually worried (I don't mean that in a rude way) if you agree with me or not. I genuinely stand by what I said on Split's diary. I am not saying it is right or wrong what he is doing. I just know that he must be under the pressure of his life. His decision to gamble that money was made, and the fall out from it. I was probably just so irritated about the words that were used, and the affect that these can have, when someone is very low. Family and friends are always going to look at this addiction differently. I used to volunteer on a helpline for the LGBT community in Ireland. Married and attached men used to ring me up to confess, seek advice on sleeping with others outside their relationship. This at first was a shock to me. But I slowly realised that I was not there to judge them, I was there to listen and support them, and signpost them. Same in my current job. Abortion. People seeking this service. I am not sure if I could do it (in fact I know that answer) and when I first came into this arena, I sobbed at the decisions of others. Now I realise, it is not my decision and not my choice. I don't have all the answers, in fact I may not have any. I am just mindful of people's lives beyond the screen that is Gamcare....

Thank you for your applause, I don't know if that is deserved, I can be too gobby for my own good.

Julie x

Have a fantastic week Julie ! It's great to hear you are making space for yourself in this world x

Oddly enough I didn't want you to agree or not and we can take with what works for us. But I know hearing things I don't want to hear is far better than hearing things I want to hear. The latter is the addiction trap. I also know with myself that in my active addict state that I loved people fighting my corner and only started growing when I started fighting my own corner. Hence my theory on detrimental

Each to our own Julie and only my learnings but also trying to be opened minded to things I don't understand and being proved wrong is something I've learned to love.

Kudos

Deano, in the melee I forgot about you.

You can butter me up anytime you want. As long as it is low fat butter....In fairness the diet club is going okay. Could be better, could be a lot worse. I have many bad habits and the sweetest tooth...which is ironic since a good few years ago, I had my teeth replaced, due to the coating not arriving on them...But I am clinging onto the sweet tooth story... I am a compulsive eater (really does that shock), I am never hungry, but always think I am hungry. I cannot just have one biscuit, that is only half the story! I was always having the outlook that it didn't matter whether I was thin or not. And ir doesn't. But it matters that it matters, if that makes sense. I need to care about myself and self care is good care...I know this all seems a bit happy clappy, but run with it.

Julie 🙂 x

Hi Julie, well done on 80 days, fantastic! Also just wanted to say I see you pop up on a lot of diaries I read ( mainly to give me focus and encouragement ) and I really admire your honesty and integrity. Have a great GF Monday S:)

Hi Julie,

Keep being you!!

Just wanted to say keep it up Julie!

Hi Julie

Reading your posts and annoyance at certain posters.

What I'm not sure about, is why you feel the right to dictate the parameters of acceptable advice.

Why is it ok for you to give financial advice or advice on physical barriers yet criticise others for advising on honesty?

granted, clearly bad advice needs to be called out. Or excessively 'brutal truth'- but I'm just not seeing this.

Many longer term poster's realise that openness and telling a loved one is a, probably THE key to success. Yes, we, I, can be in danger of extrapolating a personal experience into a 'general principle'. But I also speak from a position of observing 10,000s of successes and failures (to put it in perhaps harsh terms).

So why should we refrain from advocating a sucessful approach?

Honesty in fact is the best physical and financial advice you can give.

What's best for an addict is by necessity uncomfortable as the addict has become guided by short term pleasure and avoidance of displeasure.

Arm round the should is really important but there are successful and unsuccessful approaches and if we pretend otherwise this place loses purpose.

Louis