There is hope for a better tomorrow

It's all relevant...Keep going!

((J))

I_want (Paul),

Thanks so much for your message.

Just about to shoot out the door to wotk. Have a free house tonight for a few days, which will be nice to be able to put my life in some sort of order. No problems sleeping last night.

Have a good day everyone.

Julie

Here's hoping you had a good day today Julie 🙂

To develop the COURAGE to solve those problems that CAN be solved, the serenity to accept those problems that CANNOT be solved, and the WISDOM to know the difference.

Driving to work this morning, early, coffee spilling around the front of the car, and the sign came. I have been singing a song for weeks to myself, from no where. Everytime my brother went into have his sessions. And it is, "It's been a long day without you my friend, and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again". Charlie Puth sings, not badly! This morning, rounding the corner to the hospital, that song came on the radio. It is very personal to me, but lovely lovely moment. Today I have been at work, best thing I could have done for myself. Firstly I saw the magic of the real hero's and heroine's of the NHS. And they are amazing, the human body is a fabulous thing, but medicine can keep you going when it needs to. And secondly I realised that I can sort my problems out, one step at a time, one day at a time.

I just wanted to say that I really want to give some kudos, thanks and respect to GAMCARE. As most know that read my diary, I referred to counselling yesterdy, crippled with sadness, a little anxiety and was really down. A lady called me on my mobile before eleven today, to say someone would call me for an assessment tomorrow. She was lovely on the phone, and when I gave her my desk number, as mobile phones are a restricted item where I place my work hat, she made sure I would have capacity and time to take the call. She explained the process and it was just so helpful. I will do the assessment tomorrow, and get started. It is only me that can change my situation, no one else. I have to apply myself to it now, care about it, and put some serious welly behind it.

I have come out of the worst of yesterday, and feel hopeful. and there has to be hope for a better tomorrow.

I just wanted say say thanks to everyone that posted on my diary yesterday. It meant a lot to know people were thinking of me. Need to go and do some housework, that I didn't do yesterday and get ready for a double whammy of chat and call the midwife, season finale at 8 o'clock.

Best wishes

Julie x

Oh My MG Julie

What have i missed this weekend?

I'm so glad you have managed to take advice and you decided to go for councilling and eat as many Mars bars you see fit, although i prefer Boost bars as my treat 🙂

All the best and cyber hugs from me.

Dan x

Hey Julie,

Thank you for your comment on my diary, it was a lovely thing for you to say.

I personally blame my mum for instilling fear of the outcome of not using manners (sorry mum I am half joking hahaha) but I am learning.....last week I actually turned my back on the woman to put my tantruming toddler in the car before he could throw himself out of my arms.....and by the time I'd finished she had walked away!!!! This might have to be something I do until I can safely avoid her when her youngest goes to primary school.....in September!

Well done for seeking out counselling....it honestly does go hand in hand with Mars bars...personally I prefer a French Fancy but they don't make the boxes big enough....who ever thought 8 in a box was a good idea was seriously misguided! lol

You are doing a fantastic job x

Dan,

You have missed nothing except the mini meltdown, which is over now. It had to happen for me to be able to get up again. Rock bottom is terrible lonely, sad place to be, so am setting out to not do a return visit. I am stronger today. I have faith in me today. I didn't have that over the weekend. When you get a chance, pick up a book called the Happiness Trap. Not urgently, but pick it up. I will tell you a little helpful hint. When your mind (which never switches off, calls you an idiot, and all them horrible words that we call ourselves) say 'Thanks Mind'. Not in a sarcastic way, or rude way, just say, as if you were saying thanks for a cup of tea. It defuses the thoughts, it doesn't get rid of them, it setlles them. They are thoughts, that is all they are. Apart from that, I am tired today, I find when I have an emotional weekend, I am drained on the Monday. Will respond to your diary later, I have a few thoughts for you, but for now, well done on getting supplies in. See I used to be a Boost fan right, but Mars just hits the spot. I get a Mars duo at Home Bargains (49p) and I have the first bit in a hurry, then rush the next bit, it is amazing.

Onlyme, you make me laugh, my mother was not like that. She doesn't suffer fools easily, (where I get it from). I am always polite, but very firm with people. There is a guy that I meet in the local shop, that used to frequent the bookies, everytime I meet him, he is drunk. This last few times, as he has accosted me, I have just smiled and walked on, including once outside the church club on my way to clinic. Polite to smile, but walk on. That lady will get the message. You are doing great. See I cannot buy French Fancies, I do but I cannot. 8 in a box is a mystery, sure the first four are just tasters, what are you meant to do, last on four others..there should be at least twelve.

Julie x

I do need to be more assertive when it comes to other people inflicting themselves on me, yet one of the many things i need to work on. I absolutely love French fancies, rarely buy them as i do claim the box as my own.....Yet everytime i am miffed that there's always 3 pink, 3 brown and 2 yellow.....Why only 2 yellow? They are my favourite and i feel short-changed everytime! My husband did buy me a big French fancy cake for my birthday one year and it was so disappointing, i had imagined it would be just like the little ones and it wasn't even close : ( x

Onlyme, I know, the yellow one's are tangy and delicious. I realised today when driving back to work, that I actually in-hale the first four, I don't eat them. Yeah, I think people have this navigation to hone in on people that do not want to talk to them. There is a reason for that, they are one of the following, dull, negative, catty, gobby, snotty, know-all sort of way. Myself and yourself are not like that. You will get there, maybe try getting your kid to kick her or puke on her, or better still you kick her or puke on her. I had heard that about the big french fancie cakes, but lets face it, I am 5"3, so little things mean a lot, I just don't understand big things.

Today, I cleared the decks at work. I have an office, that makes me sound very grand, but I am not grand, nor is it grand, it is a broom cupboard (Think Harry Potter, under the stairs at Pivet Drive). But it is mine, I keep family photo's there, and purple sparkly things, that make me smile. And oh yeah, emergency supplies of chocolate!! Sorry I digress!! I went in work this morning, announced to all that I would be taking a call at 3 P.m. and would not be disturbed. Said it was for an assessment for counselling. Everyone's jaw dropped and said was I 'ill', as I was so good at helping others, and seemed so happy. Considering we work with mental health and some extreme cases, it just shows, how much self care we offer to ourselves. I said, counselling is for all that needed it. Someone bought me some chips from the chippy at dinner, so am not sure if they think I am suicidal, but the chips were nice...

Spoke to the counsellor at three, and I was very candid with him, which surprised even me. I told him how bad things were and was very honest. I agreed to meet him next week, to begin work. We spoke about alternative therapies, he said he will explain more next week, but he sounds interesting and I felt confident speaking with him on the phone. Let's run with this and see how far we get.

I am so tired, am going to sleep now.

Julie

Just realised what my life could be missing.....a French Fancy.....never had one.....trip to supermarket later.

Or a nice piece of Battenburg cake!!!

Battenburg!!!! o*g i haven't had that for ages, i love that the small box comes with 5 and the youngest doesn't eat it, so naturally as the mother i get to call dibs on it lol

Especially the ones with chocolate on the ends 🙂

Battenburg's, have not had them in ages. Aldi do a great cake version. Have never had the mini ones, they would get eaten in one go! Is there chocolate ended Battenburg's where do I get such a thing.

Today has been long, busy, long have I said long.

Not much to say tonight. I love learning from people. I tend to share things, things I am comfortable to share. Things from my life that has shaped me. I don't actually know if this level of honesty makes people uncomfortable, or they feel bad and don't know what to say. That is fine, but it is the life stories that have shapped my life and made me the strong (ish) independant woman that I am today. What I am though is loyal, loyal to a fault. I will always go on on a limb for friends and people I care for, that maybe in any capacity, professionally, socially or personally. I will always try and be honest with people. I am thinking about all of the people that I have in my life, and the above is true for all of them. I used to facilitate a dinner group in Dublin. I advertised it in the LGBT community centre and we used to go to dinner. As part of that, a wide range and mix of people came to dinner. When I first started off, I found it a bit daunting to connect everyone together. But I always welcomed everyone into the group, and kept the topics general, so everyone could join in. I ended up with some really great nights, and a lot of relationships and friendships formed from this group. You live and learn about life, and I am learning everyday. The one thing I feel looking back over the ten plus years, I have never changed as a person, bit late now eh.

Julie x

It's interesting, Julie, how we keep learning. When I first arrived on this website, I thought I truly understood the gambling psyche, having been one for so many years. Yet there is so much I am learning about this condition that has been insidiously worming it's way through society.

I would say, Julie, you are great the way you are, and far from not changing, you are, actually, As you get more experienced as a result of making mistakes (which we all do) and gain wisdom as a result of learning from our experiences.

We continue to make mistakes in life, of course; we're human and will continue to learn!

When our brains are distracted from damaging addictive activities such as ours that processing power must be turned to something else, and many people are afraid to do this, hence why gambling is a convenient reason not to 'go there'.

This experience, that you are perhaps going through now Julie, can be cathartic for some, but uncomfortable for others, as we start to 'find ourselves' and find out who we really are and what we really want.

However, I am convinced that there will always be some kind of closure that can often have the pleasant side-effect of taking away the addiction with it!

So, it's all worth it Julie. As we know, there will be happiness, and there will be tears. As is life, too. But keep sharing, because we are all on this bus of life together; we've just got different tickets!