I am addicted to online slot machines. What I normally do is play with £30 or so, then when it is all gone I deposit more and raise my stakes to chase my losses. Sometimes I will get a few hundred up which makes me feel "safe" so I raise the stakes again to try and win big but always lose it all. The more I win, the more I bet, so I always end up with nothing.
I have probably lost a couple of hundred today. My worst day in a long time.
What breaks me more than the money is that I can spend a whole day of my life staring at a computer screen at stupid spinning reels rather than getting out and enjoying my life or doing something fun.
I haven't told anyone about my problem, not even my wife, because I am ashamed. Luckily I am not in debt; I just spend my winnings - I had accumulated about £5k in a seperate account from gambling. That has now mostly gone.
I am telling myself, yet again, that tomorrow will be day one and I will never gamble again. I have only made it six days or so in the past.
My main tool is going to be telling myself that an urge is just that - an urge. Nothing bad will happen if I ignore it. I will keep myself busy and get out of the house when I can.
So... here we go! Day 0 today. Day 1 tomorrow. Wish me luck.
Welcome bear..
Like you....my addiction was online slots....and like you ...in the beginning it was all fun... £30 here and there....with no debts incurred....
Fast forward a few years....bigger deposits....bigger stakes....more time say glued to my laptop....more time ignoring family and friends....late payments....missed payments...secrets. ..lies....etc etc. ...
IT WILL get worse if you continue to spin those reels. ....that's a guarantee....
Read the diaries on here....there full of practical ways to help you fight your addiction. ...it's not easy....but it's possible.....and soooooo worth it
Good luck....and I wish you well x
HI Dropbear, thank you for your comments and welcome. You have taken the first step to start the journey of recovery and you will feel all kinds of emotions reading diaries on here, some have made me cry. I wish I had joined years ago but at least I am here now and looking forwards not backwards. Your not alone and what keeps me focused and inspired is the success stories and I really don't want to slip because I feel I will loose all the people who I speak to on here down and I don't want to do that. You need to put k9 software on your laptop, smartphone to stop you gambling if you have the urge. The urge will pass and as the days clock up they get less and less, just break the habit by breaking the triangle, time location and money. You can do this, stay positive and when you do get the urge think how depressed and low you feel after a big loss. All the best stay in touch x
Wise words, thank you. I didn't even make it through day 1... first step was to withdraw all of my money I have in online accounts. Minimum withdrawal from one site was £20, I had about £13. Foolishly I let myself gamble it, thinking I'll either get it above £20 or lose £13 maximum. Of course the £13 went. Then I deposited £100 because I felt stupid for letting myself "lose" on the first day (note here that what I did wrong was think I had failed by "not winning", not failed by gambling). Another £100 went by, then another. So I'm down £300 on "day 1".
Back to Day 1 tomorrow, with some self exclusion this time. Hopefully this gets better. I'm sick of "day 1"
DB
Hi, you got drawn in , you need to self exclude . Come on let's try harder this time, you can do it if you really want to x
So I made it over 20 days but the urges kept coming back and stupidly, when tired, I let myself spin through some money. Soon enough I made another deposit and then another. Feel so depressed and disappointed. I really want to tell my wife as I feel so alone but I'm so worried what her reaction would be. I am not in debt from it but the account that I was using is now empty. Timer started again... 30 minutes and counting. I feel so stupid.
And yes, I've been doing self exclusion but there's always another site. Internet blockers no good as I use so many different computers for different things.
Day 2 done and feeling good. Looking forward to ticking many more days off!
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