Hi everyone.
I'm new to the forums although only too well versed in the problems faced by everyone else in this community. I've been turning a blind eye to problems for as long as I can remember, so decided it was time to take the step to do something about it before it completely ruins my life, and the first step for me is to acknowledge I have a gambling problem that is spiralling out of control.....
My background in gambling has been there since my very early teens in arcades and amusements, growing up in a seaside town there was no shortage of it around and all my friends also played regularly. By the time I was 16 and had my first job I looked old enough to go in to bookmakers and started exploring with the roulette machines. I was also a regular in pubs and spent large amounts of money on slot machines whilst inside.
This continued until I was around 21, borrowing money to gamble, taking out payday loans, credit cards with no plan or capability to pay the money back, and allowing myself to spiral in to debt. At this age myself and my partner of 1 year at that point found out she had become pregnant and we needed a home. I came clean to my family at the time and told them I had a gambling issue and needed help. They were good enough to clear all my debts for me, but unfortunately my credit score was not good enough to acquire the mortgage we really wanted. I was earning a reasonable amount of money at the time, as was my partner and as we could afford to pay a mortgage her parents got one in their name for us. Throughout this period, bookmakers, online poker and fruit machines had all been regular vices in my life.
From the age of 22 until present I told myself I was not going to get in this mess again, and managed to keep that partly true. I kept all my credit commitments up to date, I didn't gamble to the same excesses that I used to, yet I still gambled almost daily. I didn't throughout this period take out any payday loans, any third party debt to cover my gambling and tricked myself into thinking it had become more of a hobby.
4 years ago I started my current job which is again a salary increase on anything I've done before. But now that I think back this is the only reason my gambling hasn't caused me too many recent nightmares, although I got myself in a habit of accepting that I will happily pay a monthly fine for unapproved overdrafts, which the bank let's me do each month. The problem with my job is that I am largely my own boss, I manage my own time and productivity and I find my job incredibly boring, I simply cannot motivate myself to apply myself to it anymore due to too many years in the same sector, but cannot afford to take a pay cut. So I find myself spending as much time in the bookies on a scheduled 9 hour shift, as I do in work. I can easily say like a lot of people's accounts I've read that I chase every possible winning opportunity, dogs, horses, machines, cartoon racing, if there's a race I bet on it. More recently I have also got back in to online poker and the final straw for me was staying up until 5 am playing it recently, and that coupled with hours per day in the bookmakers I am at a point where I have had enough. I hate the loneliness of it, the embarrassment at feeding notes frantically into machines, the upset it would cause my partner whom I promised to stop gambling several years ago, the impact it would have on my little boy of our family broke up, and everything else. It feels like as a gambling addict I walk around feeling completely numb, uninterested in most social set ups or conversations, and devoid of a lot of emotion or motivation to do other things.
Most concerning for me is that I have now taken out a few nominal loans to gamble again, and having spent 6 years rebuilding a healthy credit score I am on the verge of ruining it all. I have payday loans to three different companies, and thankfully have kept the payments so am hoping it won't have an adverse effect, but I can't risk this affecting my family and it needs to stop.
My main issue is that in general it's very rare that I gamble on days off, I do 99% of it at work. This in turn affects my performance and will eventually land me in trouble, but the freedom to roam whilst bored is crippling for me.
Apologies for the long winded nature, and story not being too well organised in content, it was more for me about getting it down on paper to refer back to.
Willpower alone will not help me, but I feel keeping a diary and bring my own conscience will help in limiting the impulsiveness. I have a beautiful family, a little boy I am so proud of and who looks up to me for every aspect of his life, and I need to stop now before I let everyone down badly.
So I guess today is day one and counting!
​hello and welcome to the forum, I found excluding myself and putting blocks on online gambling really helped me from stumbling. I found this out the hard way as since I came on this site I still gambled for two years untill I finally blocked all access. Good luck
Hi Adam, thank you and congratulations on finding a solution that worked for you. I had considered that and have blocked myself from all the online poker sites as that is the thing I will miss, and right now away with work sat in a hotel room I could really play a few games but I can't and won't. I don't have an account for any online bookmakers, as fortunately that is one form of gambling that genuinely hasn't interested me.
My problem is that the people in the local bookmakers all know me because of where I work and how close it is, and the fact I tend to pop in a lot whilst on shift. I would not feel comfortable self excluding, as much as I would want to, as it would not look good for me at work if it was mentioned in passing or conversation. In this instance it really would be better to just be a face without a name....
I know that I want to stop properly this time though, where as last time I held out hope I could still be a casual gambler like others but ultimately that isn't possible, and is just an unhelpful, stressful and costly exercise that needs to be wiped from my life. The most embarrassing thing is knowing that you are having to hide something from people because subconsciously you know it's irresponsible and wrong, and that has been a big eyeopener to me. Having to lie and pretend I was doing something else or spent money another way. Well hopefully going forward I will be able to spend money another way, and start having the spare cash to do things with my family more. Will take a couple of months of long, dull days of not spending to get back on track, but I will be grateful for every day that passes without gambling.
'Make yesterday's pain tomorrow's strength
'Gambling, the sure way of getting nothing for something'
I understand completely when I was trying to stop online poker I was on here and i kept saying to everyone I cant block online gambling as its my parents computer and i don't want to tell them I have a problem. The reality was that not telling them cost me like 10 grand in a ysad thru playing. Then I told them and they blocked the use of gambling sites so when u trg u cant. I'm now saving a lot more money as a result and have a far better chance of paying all my bills each month and saving up to move into mg flat which I bought as a result of not gambling . What I'm saying is there will allways be a reason to not self exclude from the bookies near you'd work but I would hazard a gues that the people working there would nt care and wouldn't tell anyone even ic they were allowed to which I hazard a gues there not as it puts others off gambling too and sorting their lives out too. Theres a telephone number to phone to self exclude fro bookies you don't even need to gk in. Then you'dd be set up for being close to a bookie at work but not able to go in.your choice mats
​
Hi Gtingo,
Well done on facing up to your problems. Like you I have wasted far too many years on gambling.
I thought I had it under control until 2 weeks ago and found myself getting payday loans again. No money until the end of the month.
I'm only on day 4 of not gambling. It's a long road ahead but we have to be determined to make it. If not for us then for our kids.
Take care
James
Stopping is going to mean stepping out of your comfort zone. SE might be mentioned in passing. Far more likely it won't be (it might even be subject to data protection) but if it is it's no-one's business but yours and you have every right not to discuss anything about it with the nosy.
Adam is right when he advises coming clean. Making yourself accountable to someone else means it's very much harder for you to gamble in secret. Your partner is going to find out anyway. Telling her now puts you in control of how that happens and means you can show her what you have done and what you plan to do to cut off your access to gambling. Having been in her position I can promise you she would rather know now than when even more damage has been done as it will be if you don't take active steps to prevent it.
Thanks for the post on my diary mate, have a good night, adam
​
Hi all, thankyou for the comments and advice much appreciated. Day 2 and not felt like gambling at all, a big realisation for me is that I don't actually enjoy gambling, nor do I take any real pleasure from it, it is something I turn to to pass time when I have nothing better to do. I feel as though addressing my lack of focus and motivation at work is just as important as addressing the gambling, as if I put all my time and effort into my job, or even push for promotion I am not as likely to be looking for other things to do. For me the devil really does make work for idle thumbs.
As I am away working off shore however it is perhaps easier to not have the temptation, as although there are bookmakers opposite me I am not in that natural environment where it is part of my routine. The real test will be when I get home and return to my usual working pattern.
Until then, 2 days of working hard and no dead time spent wasting money.
'A goal without a plan is just a wish'
Additional end of day note to add, I have actually been staying in a hotel for the last two days that has its own casino on site. I was able to sit in there to watch the sport as I couldn't stand the piano music in the main lobby......had a few beers and didn't even consider playing any tables or machines despite them being only footsteps away. I genuinely hope I can be stubborn enough to keep this feeling of disdain towards gambling forever, as the biggest cliche we all hear is ultimately the most valid, nothing good will ever come from gambling, and we all come out losers.
I am lucky enough that, unlike in the past, although I have amassed some debts they are debts I can afford to pay off and in a few months time I will be debt free and living life on a level playing field again. I take nothing for granted and am taking each day one step at a time, but feeling positive at the moment that I have intervened at exactly the right time and hopefully will not have to write a total disaster story. My life has felt that way in the past, and this time I won't let that happen.
Hi ya,
​Hope things keep moving forward for you. The only thing I would say and agree with advice already given..self exclude if you can from bookies. You can do it over the phone. It should not be discussed in the bookies, it is your business..nothing changes if nothing changes and you cannot go in if your excluded!! Take care Julie
​
Hi Julie, thankyou for the comments. I am looking into the self exclusion option and will hopefully take that step tomorrow...
So day 3 passes, a lot of the say travelling home, calling in to work on the way back. First time I have been tested for a social gamble. with today being grand national day and everyone talking about it at work. I just offered a tip to play along, but did not entertain actually betting. As is typical my tip won the national! I'm not in any way disappointed though, as I know whatever money i won would likely be lost shortly afterwards.
Can't believe how much better I feel in myself and as a person through not gambling. Going each day without it gives me a better feeling than any big win at the bookies ever did. I have a renewed sense of energy, feel considerably less stressed and down, and there's none of that horrible feeling of low self worth we all get when we go on a gambling binge.
It's been a productive couple of days away at work, and coming back home and seeing my boy again is fantastic.
Have a great weekend all.
"Be warrior, not a worrier"
Hi guys.
Quick one for me tonight as I'm tired after a busy weekend at work.
First big challenge today back in my normal environment, thankfully turned out not to be a challenge as I had no interest in gambling whatsoever. Still had the usual moments of boredom, I just simply passed the time in more productive ways.
So passes day 4, and my life feels so much happier with each passing day.
"What we do in life echoes in eternity"
Day 5 and done. Another first occurred today, with a social drink leading to a friend of mine playing a fruit machine, losing all his money and expecting me to then play it for him after. He was shocked to say the least when I politely declined, and we got on with our evening.
Other than that another day at work ticked off without incident, or with an absence of any temptation or will to gamble.
One day at a time, looking forward to tomorrow as another day gamble free.
Morning all, day 6 yesterday spent off work looking after a sick boy (tonsillitis). In the past that is where a full day of time killing through online poker would take place, but thankfully none of that this time.
So hopefully by today I will be able to reflect on my first full week, a first milestone hopefully on the road to many more.
"Don't count the days, make the days count"
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