Time to change

Hi Westsider,

U r doing gr8, ur determination shines thru!

I really like the quotes u write in ur posts 2, so thanks 🙂

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

HIya Westsider....

just thought of something you may read or know about....its called The Camino ...a pilgrimage walk across northern Spain...lots of info on it and books and its kind of becoming popular with people seeking higher enlightenment.

Keep rising and soaring to a higher place with the Eagles energy Westsider...

keep on keeping on xxx

Rach and Dot xx

I will keep on keeping on. The Camio sounds right up my street. I have never heard about it before. Thank you for the heads up Rach.

Today I got up earlier. Had a swim. Made the sign. Went for a walk & had a nice long chat on the phone with my Nan. And I didn't gamble! It feels good to follow your plans through. My nan has finished painting a picture for me; it an image of a Pagan Bird Goddess I found on the internet. She is a really good artist so I'm looking forward to seeing it.

I got told I didn't get on a project to teach kids in Africa, i'm disappointed but I'm taking it on the chin. I think in the past I have been scared of rejection but i'm coming to the conclusion that It's part of life; if anything it should make you stronger. I look back on all the could have beens with girls, experiences and opportunity and instead of feeling regret, I feel excitement about the future. I still have dreams & I have the power to make them come true.

A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities.

Hiya Westsider...

Glad to see your still in good spirits despite your disappointing news.

Have you checked out TEFL?..teaching english as a foreign language...you've probably heard of them and they do all kinds of short courses if you want to work overseas.

Pagan Bird Goddess sounds fab... it sounds like your from a long line of artistic relatives ..

Keep dreaming and keeping on the path WS.....

Rach and Doo xxx.

I would love to work overseas. Somewhere hot. I have heard of TEFL and I will do a course in the future.

It's amazing how a little bit of sunshine can brighten your day. I woke up in a bad mood, slept in too long again. I find it a lot easier to get out of bed when there are blue skies out there. The sun makes me stronger, it fillls me with energy. I sleep less, eat less and look better. I've had about 45 minutes of rays today and I have lightened up remarkably.

I've had some thoughts about gambling today, no real urges; just thinking about how everything could be different. I've come to the conclusion that I enjoy risk but easy risk. It's easy to put £200 on black. But not so easy to discover a new city by yourself or go skydiving - which you could do for the same cost. I'm going to seek out good risk in my life; I need it to keep sane.

As I have been writing this a girl I talk to now and again sat next to me. I minimised the screen; can't really be bothered to explain this just yet. I got her whole name & just added her on the book of faces. Think I might ask her out take a GOOD risk for once.

To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself.

Golden start to the day. Woke up had a swim, went for a walk, honoured the life force. I've just come back lunch with an old friend. Also, didn’t have to spend a dime which was a bonus.

Decided I’m not going to ask out the girl from yesterday. Not because I don't want to take a risk but because I’m just settling for someone I think is alright. I've done this too many times before. She will do! I've slept with people at the end of alcohol fuelled binges and not really known what they look like. I should have more self-respect than that.

I'm not just making an effort to stop gambling I’m also making an effort to cut out quick fixes, one night standing, alcohol, chocolate etc... Although I don't really see these things as problematic I’m going through a cleansing process and need to change my whole life style. This obviously isn't an overnight thing, but I'm taking small steps.

I’ve got into a pattern of coming on here every day for the last week or so. I might just be babbling nonsense but it helps me get things off my mind. Anyway off to work. No gambling today.

I focus my energy on my true intentions. I will not be distracted by noise, chatter, or setbacks. Patience, commitment, grace, and purpose will guide me.

Great post westsider.

Dont ever settle life is to short and to precious. Been there done that and got the T-shirt, Keep moving forward and making changes each day, you sound like you know exactly what you want to achieve which will require effort and dissapline, I find i have to mentally kick myself sometimes, but being aware of what you have to do is the first step.

Keep going your doing great.

Enjoy the sun

Blondie x

Hiya Westsider...

Sounds like your having a detox of body,mind and soul.....

Very astute of you to see these things as fixes and consciously make a different choice...your body may have been in it for the girl but not your heart ..

Just having a look at my Fairy Oracle deck of cards here and thought I would read you this as I have pulled this one out many times...

Detoxification:

Card meaning....you are guided to clean your body,environment,heart and mind of toxins.

It is time to let go of those toxins and harmful habits.Go outside in nature and ask to have these released and to also release your cravings for those bad habits.

You will naturally find yourself desiring organic fresh food and produce.You will be guided to read ingredient labels on foods,toiletries and beverage and you will only want to use natural products.You will be guided away from environmental toxins...and most important..your thoughts and emotions will veer away from fear and judgement and become love based instead.

Cleansing the past and moving to a healthy future WS

Take care

Rachel and Dotty xxx

Addiction is the continued use of a mood altering substance or behaviour despite adverse consequences.

I’ve been playing a game for about a year. Building up an empire, checking it every day; I even spent a little bit of money on it. Am I addicted to the game? The adverse consequence of playing it was wasting valuable time, lots and lots of time. It’s the same with gambling it’s not just the money it’s the time, the most valuable thing in the world.

I swear time gets quicker as you get older. I can remember summers lasting for years when I was a kid. Anyway in getting side tracked. I think I was addicted to the game and now it’s gone. I invested huge amounts of time playing it and now it exists no more, wiped from my computer. It wasn’t even hard to say goodbye.

Why should gambling be any different? I’m proving to myself I can get things done. I’m starting to believe that I can change; but I can only change if I stick to my routines & rituals. I can only change if I keep growing and keep challenging myself.

I can’t get complacent. I can’t get lazy. I need people watching my finances (that has been arrange.) I need to grow up, I need to be serious. I didn’t particularly want to swim today but I did and I feel good because of it. I want to give up gambling and I will but I have to do things differently. I have to be a different person and slowly but surely that new person is emerging from the cocoon. You need to fight your way out of the chrysalis before you can spread your wings.

A champion is someone who gets up, even when he can't!

Yo,

What a great post.

Thank you

Shiny x

hiya Westsider...

Some more talent on this forum I see..fantastic poem there and you have a real way with words.

I don't know many of Blakes poems except the famous ones like Jeruselem and The Tiger but he is very much inspired by nature too.....I think I remember one about Poison...stirring stuff.

You seem to have a lot of self awareness WS after only being on here a short time and as they say "know thyself"..you must already have a lot of knowledge about what makes you tick and how you have implemented a routine for yourself to keep you focussed....

Keep posting and any more poems gratefully recieved...

I like a lot of the modern poets like Simon Armitage but also Auden and Dorothy Parker Ted Hughes an Plath...more melancholic stuff....but the classics are timeless and have inspired the new ones coming up.

A previous postee got me more into Christian Bulkowski ..he is a law unto himself that man and one of his poems is on youtube called Melancholia...

well....night for now Westsider....take care

R and D xx

Hi Westsider,

I just read ur poem on Rachel's diary. It's really good 🙂

I always like the quotes u put at the end of ur posts 2, find them inspiring. So thanks 🙂

I hope u have a gr8 wknd 🙂

Doing something to keep our minds occupied and well away from the thoughts of gambling really is a must which is why you made the right choice to go swimming.

I enjoy jogging and have had many days when I simply do not want to go out for a jog.

But I am always glad that I did.

It's all about making the right choices for ourselves in these recovery journeys of ours.

Have a great weekend.

NT

Busy busy day. Haven't really had time to sit down. I work in a massive sports facility and teams from all over the world are using it as an Olympic training camp. People literally have to dedicate their lives to a sport if they want to become an Olympian. Training hard everyday. They have to make sacrifices in order to achieve. They are people I admire and aspire to be like.

I managed to get my walk in tonight before It got dark. I have done some good deeds for the day and I'm posting on this site for the 10th day in a row. I'm doing OK and I'm not gambling! I'm worlds apart from an Olympian but In my own kind of way I'm winning. Long may it continue.

Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow.

It's the end of another week, a happy week a week with less worry. I'm relaxed just had a few glasses of wine & ready to take on whatever next week will bring. Gambling makes me unhappy and edgy. It consumes my thoughts. There is no need to go back.

I got my first taste of the gambling bug when I was 15! Going to the horse racing with my family on boxing day. Everyone was putting on a few pound here and a few pound there. "where's the excitement in that I thought" It was £20 minimum for me and I took home £80 profit. I guess from that day I was hooked.

I soon turned 16 and started going to the races by myself on my moped. I would pretend I was with a family so I could get in free. I guess I should have seen the addictive streak in my personality then. But I just thought it was some harmless fun; how wrong I was. Are you born a compulsive gambler?

Anyway those days are behind me. I need to look back and learn. For me gambling wasn't glorious. There could never be a happy ending.

Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters.