Now at the age of 41, having gambled since I was 12, its time for me to stop lying to myself and my loved ones - so my admission - I have a severe gambling problem and if I don't face my demons and weakness, I will lose more than money, I will lose all that I cherish and hold so very dear.
On Wednesday the 17th Sept 2014, my fiance uncovered my latest deceit, after promising to not gamble again, I failed her and I failed myself. Now a few days on, I am remaining gamble free but I know it's early days, I've been here before, but this time is different, this time I am taking all steps possible to allow me to succeed and live a gamble free life. Blockers are now in place, accounts at betting sites closed, all finances controlled by my fiance, sole bank accounts closed, speaking to GamCare advisers and recovery diary started.
For the first time I have admitted I have a problem, that I know I will always have that with me, part of my make up, an ever present weakness. But the power lies within me to control it, to take back my life and beat this addiction.
Through my journey I will try to help those around me, on here, where I can as some have already done for me; by offering support, and in time, once I have earned the right, advice / guidance on how to beat this.
So to all of you who have acknowledged this addiction and battle its persuasive charms ever minute of every day, I wish you well in your fight. Be strong, be happy and believe in yourself and you will get there, and stay there......as will I.
gary
Welcome to the forum fella
Reading your opening post I found myself thinking
That could be me,I have walked in those shoes,for twenty plus years I blindly followed a gamblers life repeating the same thing over and again thinking or worse expecting the outcome to change,when in truth I lived the same mantra we all do all the while we are active gamblers
I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP
I hope you embrace recovery,it is a gift that will never stop giving,32 months ago today I admitted that gambling had won,I played and lost,lost far more than finances,I lost the person I was.
By and large we are not bad folk,we are addicts who have let addiction take control of our life.
You have taken control back.
Put those blocks in place
A fella gifted me this advice the first day on my journey
There is a triangle Time-Money-Location
Take one away at all times and the punt becomes impossible,gifting you a new way of life
You become a winner.
I went back at for three hours just under a year ago,I became complacent,thought it might be different,thought that I could reverse that mantra.
Truth is I had not fully accepted that gambling is unacceptable in any form in my life.
The result,a self gifted mind f**k and financial loss.
The same as the twenty plus years I experienced losing.
Well no more
I boarded the gamble free bus
It costs nothing and although yes we hit the odd bump or two along the way there are no more self made destructive episodes.
I hope you find the same fella
It is what is on offer.
Share the journey with those folk in your life
Most of all enjoy the fact that you are a winner
Keep making that choice
NO BET TODAY
Duncs stepping forward never back
Thank you so very much Duncan, for your honesty and support. Keep moving forward mate, stay positive and enjoy your gamble free life, its a blessing which you earn every day.
All the very best fella, keep smiling.
Thank you so very much Duncan, for your honesty and support. Keep moving forward mate, stay positive and enjoy your gamble free life, its a blessing which you earn every day.
All the very best fella, keep smiling.
Six days - No bets
Tonight would have been a prime opportunity for me to gamble - Round 3 of the Capital One. I have avoided even looking at the fixtures, as the gambler in me would convince myself I could predict all results. Honestly, its still very early days but I haven't had an urge to bet. I know this will change as the days, weeks, months and years go by, but I will remain strong and not give in to that temptation.
Well done Gary on your 1st week, the fog is starting to clear and you can start to see things more clearly.
Keep marching on mate, one day at a time, all our lives will improve gamble free in time.
Many thanks Trigger.......approaching the end of day 8 and definitely no other thought than to march on. I do feel like a weight has been lifted but again I am happy to remind myself it is very early days and fully appreciate I can never lower my guard.
Keep strong too mate, wishing you well in your own fight.
2 weeks - No bets
I am slowly feeling the weight being lifted from my shoulders, and I am proud to say I have now achieved 2 weeks without betting. I can honestly say I do not miss that sinking feeling of when the realisation hits your bet to re-coup loses has failed leaving you in an even deeper hole. Sunday night would have been that for me as my poison was match bets on golf, and more often than not Sunday would bring yet another near miss.
The hope of a big win is not drawing me in anymore, I am not remembering wins, only loses and the feelings that brought into my life, how different a person that made me, desperate, lost, weak.......I dont want to experience those feelings again. Life is better and more balanced without betting. Gambling is not the answer to any problem, and this is something I remind myself of every day.
Hi Gary,
2 weeks of being gamble free well done to you.
Totally agree gambling is not the answer to any problems.
Good positive and strong post.
Keep going and stay focused.
Suzanne x
Day 19......
Remaining gamble free, with no urge or want to place a bet of any description. Yesterday was a tough day though, I had a very honest conversation with my Fiance in which she told me how my deciet / hiding of my gambling had made her feel, how it has made it hard to trust me as she has a huge fear of me slipping and gambling again.
I am ashamed of myself, my actions and more importantly how I have made the woman I love feel so lost, to doubt how much I value her in my life. I am continuing to try and prove (more than words) that I will not relent in this fight. I am maintaining this journal, I have spoken to the Gamcare helpline and have been referred (phone assessment due this Thursday (9th Oct), closed all accounts, all financial control with my Fiance (which I know is terribly hard on her) and have spoken to my GP for a seperate referral / review.
I am intent on regaining my life, my Fiances trust, our relationship as a result. 19 days in is a reasonable start, but its what I do going forward that counts more.
Suzanne - many thanks for your words of encouragement. They, along with other messages of support, mean so much. Wishing you well, be happy.
Hi Gary,
It is a very hard thing to do when we confess to our partners about our gambling addiction, but you have made a very big step forward in your recovery.
My OH still doesn't trust me and I don't blame him, but he has forgiven me and been my rock, for the last 6 months.
Take care,
Suzanne xx
1 month & 1 day (last bet 17/09/14).
Recovery seems to be going well so far. First counselling session scheduled for next week, have also spoken to my GP to explore any other routes / support mechanisms. Have also told my Mum the full story in an effort to make sure I have come clean to all those whose opinion of me truly matters. It still remains a challenge to prove to myself and those around me that this time is different, but I will continue to do this by my actions and not only by words as I have done previously. Seems I have learnt my lesson many years later than I really should have, but learn it I have. Money is earned, not won. Gambling is never the answer, no matter how big or small the stake is, for someone like me, the stake is not measured in money, its measured in the impact to what truly matters, my loved ones.
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