Hi
I am very much a non-religious person.
This Thursday 18th August 2022 I will be celebrating in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, 30 years of being gambling free.
It is very much a miracle and has taken along time to get here.
I have been in the recovery program since 1969.
The recovery program helped me understand that I needed to heal and understand addictions and obsessions was a way of escaping emotionally from the world and from myself emotionally.
One thing for sure clean time cannot be lost.
Recovery is about healing our pains, my emotional triggers were pains I could not heal, fears I could not face, my unreasonable expectations I could not reduce, loneliness due to my fears of intimacy, and feelings of boredom due the fact I felt I did not feel worthwhile or productive in my life.
How long would it take to heal the hurt inner child.
How long would it take to exchange unhealthy habits into healthy habits.
How long would it take to exchange volatile unhealthy reactions into healthy interactions.
How long would it take to reduce my fears so that trust would start to grow.
How long would it take to stop being the victim and having a healthy voice from a healthy place of peace.
To empower that little hurt child out to play.
To reduce obsessions and have a healthy self-sufficiency well balanced productive life.
Often text and recovery program will raise more questions than answers.
I learned that I needed to become more selfish about my recovery.
That abstaining from addictions and obsessions is just the beginning of the healing process.
That my abstaining enabled me to start the healing process of the healing of the hurt inner child in me.
In time I became less self-destructive and became a selfish person, if I do not help myself I am not able to help other people.
There are people that think being a selfish person is not healthy.
Not so, the recovery is a very slow healing process.
To heal the hurt inner child we need to admit that we were severely hurt from a very early age.
In admitting that we were severely hurt only then can the healing process start.
The healing process is a nurturing and encouraging process, it is not about beating our self-up and calling our self-names, we start to value our self, reward our self for getting better.
There was a deep reason for that hurt inner child to run in fear and escape the world and its people.
Some of painful emotional trauma would take decades to come out and be healed.
In time that hurt inner child comes out to play and enjoy every day.
To stop hating myself was very powerful for me,.
The most important things in my life today is a healthy relationship with myself.
Very little wasting of my time.
Listing my needs, listing my wants, listing my goals.
How committed am I to exchanging my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Can I become a very selfish person today and put my recovery first of all.
When I procrastinate I am cheating myself.
When I lie to myself and say I am fine when I am not I am cheating myself.
When I justify doing or not doing unhealthy things, I am cheating myself.
When I justify not going to meetings I am cheating myself.
When I justify sitting on my hands doing nothing with my time and my life, I am cheating myself.
The person I feared facing the most was my self.
Step four is often feared, why do we fear it, because as a child when I honest I was punished for it.
Today as my fears reduce I am more empowered each day.
Less fears means less fear of emotional intimacy.
By me admitting that I was emotionally vulnerable could I understand what my last emotional triggers were.
In time I would understand that the gambling addiction was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable
My emotional triggers were pains I could not heal.
My emotional triggers fear I could not face or reduce.
My emotional triggers my unreasonable expectations I could not reduce,
My emotional triggers were loneliness due to my fears of intimacy.
My emotional triggers were boredom due the fact I felt I did not feel worthwhile or productive in my life.
Being aware of when I was emotional vulnerable and understood my emotional triggers, I would reduce my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations I had no control over.
It was difficult in giving up saying I have to, saying I have to indicated my obsessive behaviors which were not healthy.
Love and peace to everyone
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Inspirational stuff dave
Hi
This week 18th August 2022 I am celebrating 30 years being gambling clean.
I am a non-religious person.
No one could stop me gambling, no one could stop me lying, no one could get my a*s in to gear.
No one could do the work for me, no one could make me do anything I did not want to do, that was the rebellion in me, that was all the emotional pains of my past haunting me.
This was and is my responsibility today and every day, how much am I willing to invest in to myself.
Procrastination why do we do it, is it fears that limit us, is it lack confidence or self-esteem, when we Procrastinate, I feel we cheat our self, every healthy action healthy word has healthy consequences, why do we not write things down, or leave things to the last moment.
Having lists of my needs and my wants and my goals is my commitment to myself, why cheat our self from using our time wisely.
Recovery is about healing the hurt inner child, if we do nothing how do we expect to heal our pains, reduce our fears and reduce our expectations of people life and situations.
Have I reduced my anger, am I more committed towards my wellbeing today, what excuse do I use for sitting on my hands doing nothing.
For me sitting on my hands doing nothing who do I blame when my circumstances do not change.
People will quote text or the books, yet at what point do I put that experience to use.
I found that recovery program raised more questions than answers, hence meetings after meetings were more fulfilling for me and often last a lot longer.
How can I heal my pains if I keep saying I am fine, I will not acknowledge that I am still holding back, that I am still living in fear.
Some time ago I had attended a conference in America, I was at Henderson, I was awake in the early hours of the morning and met with a man, we talked and on leaving this man said do you know what am going to do today, I am going to tell my son how much I love him.
That was a very powerful thing to do, this man knew what he wanted to do, yet fears or pains held him back.
The simple fact him telling his son how much he loved him would change the relationship he had with himself and probably the relationship he had with his son.
He had become committed to himself, that is what recovery is all about exchanging unhealthy habits into healthy habits.
Changing our unhealthy reactions to healthy interactions is an indicator there is growth within us.
Healing our pains, reducing our fears, forgiving our self for being so unhealthy for so long, reducing our unreasonable expectations of people life and situations was very helpful for me.
To change from being self-destructive to becoming more self-caring and more self-respecting, to change how much I value myself.
I was not a bad person, I was not evil, recovery is not about who is right or wrong but more about how healthy or unhealthy I am today.
It is not about judging or criticizing myself or even beating our self about.
It is being kinder more caring and nurturing and encouraging myself towards more progress in my life towards myself.
Recovery is about progress towards healthy living healing and not perfection.
Love and peace to everyone
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Hi
I never knew how much I could get from living a healthy life today.
The inner child being healed, the fears being reduced, learning to love our self, learning to respect our self.
Being in a healthy recovery and healing I do nto want to go back to my miserable life as it was before.
Dave L
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