Today is the day

Thanks for the support alan. comments mean a lot to me.

I feel ok today, not like some days when I feel strong urges, it almost feels like I dont have the urges as much because I am not chasing a recent fresh loss. Obviously, I still remember previous losses but im sure some of you know what I mean, once the dust is settled sometimes it is easier to reflect and stop chasing that one particular loss, but in the moment you can just lose everything. So yeh, nothing really fresh on the brain in terms of losses but still a very reflective day so far.

Been reflecting on how damaging gambling really is and looking at just how many people actually do gamble responsibly. It is such a pain to society and is really a rich persons hobby. I have put more time into job applications this week and have seen some good responses from some big companies just have to do some tests and hopefully get further. Definetly more pro-active than I was little over a week ago.

I guess one of the hardest things for me to do at the minute is accept the wasted time, money and energy that I spent gambling .Understanding that its gone and more importantly understanding that on the road to recovery I will be paying off debts and living in a bit of a struggle for a little while. However, I know this will be worth it. I see it as sacrifice a year of my life to sort my s**t out or go back to gambling and live the rest of my life in misery. I know which one I am going to choose; I will take the short term suffering of living on a tight budget.

Hope everyone out there is doing well. Keep fighting off those demons.

Day 8 - Onwards and upwards to a better life. Lets do it.

Hi again T :)) .

I think that's one of the hardest thing's for any of us to come to terms with , the time energy and money we put into gambling is crazy but if we put one third of that effort into our recovery I think we'll do well . There's not much we can do about revisiting the past unfortunately and we have to just come to terms with it in our own way that's ok as long as we don't stare for too long , the time can't be replaced so I look at is as I'm not going to waste the time I have now on something I can't change and try to be as positive as possible about the future as that's wher it lies now .

I still have debt's now because of gambling but it's adebt going down and not up which is a whole new thing for me after so many years trapped in addiction but I still get annoyed with myself when I think about something I want to buy but can't yet afford and you tghink " If only I'd stopped then and walked away " but that's the whole nature of this addiction of ours , there's no dimmer switch and we can't just " Walk away " .

As I've said before it's early day's for you and thing's will get a whole lot better but it won't happn overnight but as I said to another poster earlier our gambling didn't become a problem overnight either ? .

Youv'e smashed the first week " T " and you need to keep going with baby steps initially until it start's getting awhole lot better which it will and even this week youv'e noticed the difference because your mind's not full of Gambling C rap youv'e become proactive on the Job front , so take that alone as a huge positive my friend :)).

Onwards and Upward's eh ? .

Stay safe my friend and I'll talk to you again soon :))

Hi T.

Keep going bud, you can do this. Good Luck.

Thanks for the comments guys.

Thats exactly what it is Alan, 'baby steps'. Thats how it feels anyway. I know a lot of people look at it as a life changing thing and it really is but I prefer not to view it like that because I dont want it to be overwhelming. I literally am just taking it day by day, waking up each morning and say 'you know what, today i am not going to gamble'. I do not want the pressure of having 'never again' or aiming for '1000 days'.

Day 9 - Fresh state of mind. Feeling better each day, far from cured, but I am on my way. A day without gambling is another achievement in the diary.

Good luck to all those on this journey alongside me. Hope everyone stays strong!

It's too big a thing to look too far ahead when you first rock up here T , I was totally chuffed at myself when I'd done a couple of day's being gamble free when I first arrived as I'd never gone more than a couple of day's without wandering into a bookies my entire adult life :(( but then you get to thinking "well , if I've gone a week and the world's not fell apart , I can manage another few day's and see how I am " that then turns into a month then 4 then 6 and before you know it youv'e got a year under your belt and become a " Percentage Statistic " and I'd never been one of those before I don't think ? LOL ! .

It's Scary mate , letting go of that thing that's been a huge great stick to lean on for a big part of your life and that's the thingthat keeps us trapped in addiction , the fear of letting go of " yer big stick" incase you can't stand on your own or worse still you fall over ! . Take it from me there's nothing to fear except fear itself, it's letting go of the edge of the swimming pool when your a kid learning to swim or unbolting your staberlisers off your bike ( I wasn't lucky enough to have em . I had to make do with a wall to lean on ) but you get my drift :)) , so wheather it's Cycling or swimming letting go means you can get on with life's journey , ( christ ! that was a longwinded lesson in getting your point accross wasn't it ) and please don't tell me you never learn't to swim or ride :(( LoL ! .

Anyway , your probably asleep at this point but tommorows another day and into " Double figures so " Go you " :))

Talk to you soon Bud and stay safe !

Thats it Alan, it definetly is just one day at a time for me. I hope to join you in becoming that long gamble free, if I feel this good after 10 days you must feel pretty great with your length of time gamble free.

Yeh its almost like a crutch to fall back on when everything else in life goes t**s up, I end up going for a gamble thinking 'meh if I get a nice win it'll make me feel better' . I now know that 1) I rarely ever won and 2) If i did win it was just a short term solution and my problems in life were no further to getting solved. The wins never stayed in my pocket for long anyways tbh,like ive told you before I never bought one decent thing with winnings and they werent in my pocket for longer than a couple of days before it was lost again. Its just crazy how many times I repeated the same soul destroying pattern for so long. Desperately find money > Go to the bookies > Lose it all > Go home saying never again > It sinks in what you have done and you realised how youve messed up your finance for the month > Live the month skint until I find money again > REPEAT.

Day 10 - Double figures! Well, today I feel pretty good. Seen some friends over the weekend and did not think about gambling as much. Continuing to apply for jobs and sorting a bit of a life plan out for myself, setting some goals/targets - really trying to better my whole life without gambling in it and for me organising myself is a big help in doing that.

I am off for a run now with a friend so looking forward to another good nights rest tonight without having gambled for another day!

10 days - great going, stay strong and GF mate.

Getting a plan/life plan together is a good idea. Once you've got everything down there then look to break it all down into small manageable chunks. Trust me, if you try to tackle everything at once it won't work and you will end back.... you know where.

Like our recovery, a bit at a time will see you achieve the things on your list over time.

12 days done guys, its getting easier every day. I know I will hit a point where I get that rush of temptation but I am doing all I can to stay on my guard and prepare for it.

Appreciate all the support. Hope everyone on the journey is staying strong!