Total commitment

Well done turning point.

The old cliche is that you have to admit you have a problem. I too have gambled don and off for over 10 years; I have had periods where i stopped but then lapsed again - i do wonder if I ever truly believed I wanted to stop?

Mt fiancee knows and is now looking after my finances and am going to contact my GP for advice and seek counselling. For me I think I need to look at the reasons why i gamble as i don't think i am going to make money, I have not enjoyed it for ages - I tick it is the escapism it makes me feel - i feelk so bad after a gambling session that my other problems in life pail in comparison.

This is also my Day 2 for quitting - can't say i feel great i still have the guilt and all the shame youy normally feel and also still thinking on what I could have bought with the money i wasted. But yopu have to let it go and move on. i know the feelings will fade in time.

Keep staying strong.

Regards

G

Thanks for the reply G Man, I do appreciate your kind words and wish you all the best with your journey.

Feeling better this morning, as downloaded K9 software on my laptop. As I mentioned the laptop is the only place I gamble, so I think this will be a really positive step. Previously after a big loss, I might have stopped for a month or so but I’ve never installed blocking software. I have self-control in all aspects on my life except with Online Poker. I accept my losses badly, and it’s a like a red mist takes over me. And then I’ve deposited several times. And then it’s over.

I’ve not been gambling into my rent or bills money. So there is a small element of control there. However every time I get paid I will lose anything from maybe £50 in a month up to £700 (on my very worst month). I recognise this has to stop once and for all. I’m going to give this my full commitment and total effort. I don’t want this gambling problem to ruin my life and it won’t! I’m 29 and I have my future ahead of me. The money is gone.

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

Day 3 - no gambling.

Well i too am on day 3 and the feelings of guilt and sham rare already starting to fade; am going to go for a run tonight as i here exercise is good for the mood and sleep.

The thing for me is to try and figure out why I do it?Like you I have control in all other aspects and have never not been able to pay my bills - of course that still does not make it acceptable. I have tried on and off to stop - I guess I have never truly found out why. Maybe the counselling will help.

Stay strong

Regards

G

Turningpoint

Sounds to me like you are now going about things in exactly the right way. Putting steps in place to make gambling difficult is a huge thing to do. Now if you do have thoughts of gambling, it is not so easy to just log on and do it. This can give you time to clear your thoughts and reason with yourself.

It certainly seems like you really want to beat it this time, I wish you well with your journey.

Thanks for the support - this website is so fantastic for that. So many helpful and kind people who just want to give positive advice.

Day off work today. Nice relaxing day with my Girlfriend - had a run this afternoon and just came back from Cinema. Watching the Arsenal game now. Never had any issues with Sports betting - just never appealed to me. Day 4 no gambling -I'm finding that just reading through all of the diaries on this site gives me great strength.

I'm certainly not a huge drinker. Perhaps will go out twice a month with friends, but alcohol has been a real problem with my online poker gambling. Several times, I've come to and I've been playing online poker without remembering logging or depositing. It's actually really scary to think about it.

I would lose money sober no doubt but I just had absolutely no control when I was drunk and this was when the really damaging losses happened. I've been convincing myself for several years, that I could control it, and just gamble it a little each month.

For a few months I gambled £30 a month only on payday - win or lose -I left it. But then the next month I'd lose £400 and feel sick in my stomach.

It's finally dawned on me that I need to kick this for good. I was paying myself lip service before. I didn't really want to quit - but this feels so so much different. I WANT to quit. And I WILL beat this.

Day 5 - no gambling.

A massive well done on getting through 5 days. It might not sound much on the face of it, but each of those early days in your journey are not just a day. They are not just a step, they are more than a marathon. They are quite simply an unmeasurable distance in your journey. Get through the early days and weeks, and things will become easier. Sure there will be challenges, temptation and difficult situations thrown at you. But you will find that there will be more good days, and much less time will gambling be in your thoughts and part of your life.

I'm glad you have realised that you really do want to quit, and that it feels different. So important that.

Keep it up.

Been working all weekend (did some overtime today) and went for another run. Feeling positive - just going to keep posting on this site, and make sure I get stronger.

I'm not naïve though. I realise there is a long way to go. Payday 15th March will be the first big challenge for me. I've got a weekend in London booked payday weekend to see friends with my girlfriend so that will keep me busy - looking forward to it.

Just been approved for the Holidays I want off from work in June. That's a real motivation. Want to go to Barcelona for a week so get through the next payday and will be able to book up in April.

I'm not gambling anymore. I'm not going to let gambling spoil a great holiday. Keep my money and not waste it away.

I'm going to keep it day to day - feeling very on the ball at present. Tougher times will come. But I'm making sure I'm 100% ready for this.

Day 8 no gambling.

Been at work past few days - seems as though both days flew by. Just about to watch the Footie tonight. Had no real gambling thoughts or urges. A little surprised at that but I'm sure harder days and tests will come.

Day 10 - no gambling.

Been doing overtime at work to try and repair the gambling damage. So been busy with that, and once again feeling positive.

Two weeks time is payday - my 1st big test. I will be ready for it. No more waiting until midnight to deposit on payday, and then going to work for 8am in a daze!

Day 12 - no gambling.

Had a dream that lost tons gambling on poker. Woke up in a panic for a few seconds but was only a dream.

The big test is coming up soon. Payday 15th March. I'm feeling confident and strong. Feeling alert.

Day 15 -no gambling.

Hi turningpoint,

Well done on your 15 days g free. Bloody gambling nightmares eh?? God we all have them, esp at the start of recovery. Great feeling to wake up and realise it was only bad dream.( fair enough..after few panic moments till our head comes round it).. Keep believing in urself, moving forward with each passing day. You can do it, stay strong and committed to your recovery.

Day at a time

Have a lovely Sunday

Sandra x

Thanks for the kind words Sandra.

Been busy at work, gym and Binge Watching House of Cards on Netflix.

Keeping busy is really helping.

Day 18-no gambling.

Hi turning point, I'm around the same age as you and gambled for around about the same time span during my life too. I must say it's never easy to stop completely, I never did play poker online, but my problem was roulette and blackjack, but its all the same... just leads to many bad problems when you lose your money.

Fortunately for you... You have a girlfriend, while I haven't so I don't know what its like for partners but I'm guessing that its never good for innocent people of someone close who is/was a gambler.