Trying again

burko26 .can you call the counselling line ? find someone to talk to .realisation has kicked you hard in the stomach today.i hope that you can move on from this .take care .

Burko, mate, what’s done is done.

There’s no going back now I’m afraid. I’m at a similar stage to you in the sense that I am very early on in my recovery. You see X, Y and Z at 50+ days and you want that yourself. But it seems like a million miles away.

The key is to get through those first few days. Once you get to around 4 or 5 days, it starts to mean something. You start to feel a sense of achievement.

Get back in the saddle and go again. It’s the only way.

I’ve got an app called ‘Quit App’ and every time I have an urge to gamble, I read the notes that I’ve written on there and I can see the timer going on when my last bet was. It also tells me how much money I’m saving, second by second, based on what I used to spend daily on gambling.

I’m currently taking my recovery hour by hour. That’s all I can manage at the moment.

Keep fighting Burko!!!

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Hi Burko, sorry to read about your recent relapse. You aren't pathetic this is serious stuff and like with going a couple of days quitting smoking or drink, all you have done is reached for gambling again after a couple of days and had a dabble. You've logged in and posted, you clearly want to keep trying so give yourself some peace and quiet while the fog clears in your head, maybe put your money somewhere safe over the next fews days to resist temptation and just try again fella, it is all we can do really.

All the best

Wilsy

Thank you for the messages, I really appreciate them. I have had time to think and look at the situation and I am determined to try to take the right path again. I have re-read the Russell Brand chapter and looked again at the questions I need to answer. I think this time, I have to be more ruthless with my self. As well as gambling Apps, I have now deleted Banking Apps off my phone. While the iPhone has changed my life in a lot of positive ways, the thumbprint quick sign in facility has hurt it in others.

I admit I am powerless and I alone cannot beat this. I need support, I need counseling and I need to believe that it can be beaten.

Just for the rest of the day, February 21, 2018. I am not going to gamble. And we'll take it from there.

I made it to the end of the day gamble free. Tomorrow is day one.

​Burko, thanks for your words on my diary. As you know, I am new. I have read your diary and enjoyed your style of writing. Also, the tips that you have picked up and shared, genuinely helped me today. So please, for the sake of all good books, pick yourself up, dust yourself down and crack on to that happy ending. You know you will get there one day, so make tomorrow that day and start a fresh. Lets ride this train all the way yo the end. All the best, Jam

Thanks Jam.

So, I start again. I have spent my commute this morning doing the crossword and have only now paused to write this. I think if this diary is to work for me then it has to become a thing I get into a routine with. The old routine involved going to

Good lad! You’re only goal today is to not gamble. Get through until lunch time... small steps mate!

Good post Burko, I often spend time on my diary in the mornings, it is a routine for me. I post my thoughts, lend some support to others, I feel it sets me up for the day and I feel satisfied and more motivated. I look forward to each morning when I can add another day to the tally and whilst I am still aware of relapses (I have had so many), I feel it is different this time.

Yes find a routine that works for you mate, avoid online gambling sites and gambling apps, that's where you need to just tell yourself 'No!'

Have a good day

Wilsy

Last 25 years I missed my kids lives because of gambling. Lost a couple of houses in the meantime. My issue was sports betting which is subjective in nature. If it would have been online casinos/fobt I wouldn't have had an issue. They are fixed/bent - how anyone can think they can beat a computer programme is deranged. Tell yourself that - Stop Now - it ain't worth the time, let alone the money,

Make your own luck.

Got through the morning and am now about to go for lunch, a nice walk along the river. London is bright and breezy today and I fancy a break from my desk to breathe in some air.

The 12 step programme suggests that when you accept that you are powerless to face your addiction alone, you should seek out a "higher power" - something to put your faith in to help you. Traditionally, this would have been God, as this was created by the USA AA organisations. I have typically struggled with this in the past as I have no faith in God. I am not religious, I cannot believe in a supreme being creating the heavens and earth and all things in it. So I need to find my "Power". Something that is bigger than me, something that wants me to succeed, something that wants me to be happy and gamble free.

I want to say that this forum, the encouragement that you give along with the help from my counsellor and the love from my family are the power I need to belive in. There is of course a desire from me to stop, but the people around me and the framework they give me gives me strength. This gives me power. This gives me THE power to overcome the Casinos, the bookies, the online accounts, the FOBTs and their addictive entrapment.

Now for my walk.

Great post, enjoy your walk mate

Wilsy

Hey Burko ! Welcome back and well done for coming back ! I remember we started the same time I wish you all the best 🙂

Sars