well here goes...

I wish you well bud it took for me to be kicked out with my black bin bags for me to stop gambling, unfortunately a bit to late.

I have not gambled a single penny since that day 5 months ago so it can be done. It not been easy but I've put blocks in place come, on here a lot and go to GA but the must important thing i did was admit and accept I am powerless over gambling.

Have a read of the diaries on here you will see your not alone and take things that will help you. There is lots of good advice but that only works if you're committed and act on it.

KTF

Hello lostsoul999

Well done for admitting your problem and posting with such honesty.

Wish you well with your partner tomorrow.

It's important to make changes or you'll end up sooner or later doing the same thing.

You seem to have made a positive start posting here and looking to attend GA next week.

I think you have a lot to offer this forum and look forward to following your progress.

Best wishes

Glint

day 3.

No gambling , and no feeling of doing so (which is good). Feels as if the curtains have been drawn from my eyes now .The damage ive caused and upset.On my own again ,ex-partner not putting up with the lies and wasting of money and life ive caused, no one to blame but myself. Spent the night sleeping fitfully on the couch after tanking 6 cans of lager (that needs to stop as well).

MIght need to crash here for a couple weeks till a rental is ready .Shes ok with that. Ive screwed up my chances of a mortgage for a good while maybe a year if not longer. the multiple ins and outs (mostly outs) on my current account from various bookies and gambling websites have wrecked my record (which used to be a+++),...how can u have 25 transactions in 1 day from the same bookie ,my god the time ive wasted !,the dipping in and out of unauthorised OD as well ... more havoc.One thing (sort of) good is no CC debt or use ,i got rid of them last time i messed up bad or that be a disaster as well no doubt.

The feeling of loneliness now is unreal, everything ive touch for 4 years now has turned to dust.I dont even have a stick of furniture ,despite having a semi detached house full of it 2 years ago. All given away ,or thrown out (after getting set about with a hammer "to show the ex-wife!!" ...i would have been better setting about my self with the d**n hammer !!).

Payday today and no urge to rush out and get on the machines ...good start.

Resigned to my fate now ... going to G.A. next week, im loaded with a cold as well , happy days eh !!!

day 4 ,no gambling.

Terrible time last night ,my ex-partner went ballistic and screamed and ranted at me for what i had done ,i was expecting it ,she had taken it all too calmly before. Very upsetting but i had to take it ,every word she said was true... my god the damage ive caused over the years,told her last year it was ended and 1000s and 1000s were wasted again..the lies.. its painfull to hear.Its still a month to go till my flats going to be ready ,not sure if its a good idea me being here till its ready ,might need to get back to the hotels ,expensive but so was 8 years of fobt/online roulette addicition. Trying to stay positive and focussed ,not easy but it needs done .I had such a good easy life once as well ,nice house ,sports car the works ... now id be happy for a small room and a microwave ! . Today i will not gamble.

A

Hi lost soul

Thanks for stopping by to write on my diary. I hope you're having a stable, gamble free day and know you are not alone as you have this support network. We are all in it together.

It may not be a bad thing you being there. It must be hard cos of how raw it all is still but being alone is maybe not the best thing right now and you never know, by being so committed to stopping it may make a difference.

You said you used to have a very comfortable life. Have you thought about why you gamble? Is it just to try and get back loses or a form of distraction? Maybe get in contact with gamcare councilling? It's free and another form of impartial support. Took me ages to build up the courage but it's been ok.

Stay strong and positive, it will get better 1 day at a time 🙂

Rednow wrote:

Hi lost soul

Thanks for stopping by to write on my diary. I hope you're having a stable, gamble free day and know you are not alone as you have this support network. We are all in it together.

It may not be a bad thing you being there. It must be hard cos of how raw it all is still but being alone is maybe not the best thing right now and you never know, by being so committed to stopping it may make a difference.

You said you used to have a very comfortable life. Have you thought about why you gamble? Is it just to try and get back loses or a form of distraction? Maybe get in contact with gamcare councilling? It's free and another form of impartial support. Took me ages to build up the courage but it's been ok.

Stay strong and positive, it will get better 1 day at a time 🙂

Hi red ,i think the main reason i took to gambling on FOBT/online roulette was boredom. Wasting 1000 quid a month from wages in bookies was no issue then,blitzed cc , no problem,it will get paid off with the end of year bonus ...it became a major problem once i had a divorce to deal with,the mega bucks went along with everything else... Then as well all know ,it doesnt go down it goes up ,this complusive behavour ... it increases ,the last 2 years has been a nightmare . I had met a cracking woman ,a fresh start .Should have had it "sorted" again ... but no ,id rather waste it all in a bookies on a machine.I cant and i wont waste it anymore.

I not sure councilling will be any good atm for me , i need to re-attend GA,thats happening next week. But the main thing now is too get my life back on course,gamble free . Thanks for youre kind words.

"today i did not gamble"

A

Great post honest there lost soul.

You say your re attending GA from that I take it you used to go? How did that work out in the past? I've found it a huge help for me.

KTF

Day 1.
disaster yesterday. Signed for a new flat ... went out drinking in boozers alone , was feeling low and dejected. Ended up losing 1800 on roulette.money i really cant afford to lose.
when will i ever learn my lesson. I need to knock the drinking on the head ... its causing problems .
feel as if i will never beat this addiction. Going to ga on thursday. All i can do is try stay away from temptation .
its one hell of a struggle.

Hi lost soul

As you say it always goes up rather than down cos of the compulsion. We cannot win cos we cannot stop. Bordom is one of the reasons I kept going (as well as trying to get out of the hole I've got myself in to). And yeah the drinking is also a trigger as it numbs us and makes it easier to ignore the voice that says its maybe not such a good idea. The reasons we started aren't so important now. Time to focus on the triggers that make us continue to go there. Sounds like you've got a good plan. GA will defo help. I'm trying really hard to recognise my triggers (reward habits). It's hard work all round isn't it.

Sorry to hear you're on day one again but you came back on here straight away which is a step in the right direction and tomorrow is the start of an new week 🙂

Rest up and come back fighting in the morning! It will get better one day at time.

Thanks red. Just desperate now to get better ... it really is so hard to beat this illness. Hope ur doing well in youre battle m8 . All the best.

day 5 ,

NO gambling . Got to really really get my head sorted now .No more drinking , back to gym . No matter how painfull it is my former life is gone now so need to make plans for the future and they cannot contain gambling on roulette.

Still living in same house as the ex ... its not good but nowt i can do just now. Not sure if anyone else has done this but its a strange experience .As if youre invisible all of a sudden. GA soon , no point going here as im moving 25 miles away soon.

today i will not gamble.

Day 7 ,

No gambling today or since last saturday. The stress im under just now is unbelievable , completely broken down relationship and stuck under same roof for another couple weeks. MY fault ,but there comes a time a line needs drawn...Let this be a lesson to all you that are tettering on the abyss of marriage / relationship problems due to this terrible illness ,its got a terrible endgame.

Went into the pub today , only had a diet coke too watch football on sky,horse racing was on the other 2 screens . Not been that bothered about football or horse racing ,could take it or leave it ...and the money lost a tiny fraction comapared to the machines .most guys in there glued to the horse screens , a few on phones doing bets ...i was just watching them , all the shouting and cursing ... what a mugs game it all is ... what a mug ive been ...

Came back and had terrible row with the ex ... same old terriority ... my lies and cover ups . I stood and took it for a good while then had enough and stormed upstairs . As i say there needs to be a fresh start soon for me. Looking foward to getting back to the GA meeting , im craving it . was going to go to the local one here again but felt i couldnt . walked right past it.

IM just hoping i make it too weeks 2 and 3 and 4 and so on ... every day is a struggle in my sorry life atm.

Well done bud I know it's been a tough week but you not gambled for 7 days now. Hopefully you can move on soon and get your own place.

Don't put the GA off go local they won't mind you only being there a short time. Or if you can make it to the one that is 25 miles away its got to be better than being in the house atm

KTF

Lostsoul - it will be a struggle pal... but it'll get easier. I remind you back to Day 1 and looking up at the sky. Keep focusing on the sky, the stars, the moon, the world out there... you'll get there.