Day 9... i just realised i was a day out.
no gambling ... and no feelings of doing so . Longest ive went in goodness how long (that i havent been on holiday) without feeding the beast that is fobt.
feeling bit better now. Move into a flat in 10 days, backs been killing me on the couch!. New life starts for me now. One i truly hope is gamble free.i cant and wont make the same mistakes ...
Day 13 , no gambling
Small update. No gambling thank goodness, couple of minor urges to go on the machines but the devistation is has wrough comes back to mind fast and i move on. Move into a flat on friday . Start of my new life , not the one i wanted but i need to get on with it now and continue my recovery . Good luck too all fellow recovering CGs !
Well done for making it two weeks without gambling.
Make this week a fresh start. It might not be what you want now, but in time you can still live the life you want.
Try to worry less about where you're at and concentrate more on where you're going.
How are you doing?
Day 22. , and thanks glint !
Been busy in this new flat im renting. Had a lot of things to sort and has taken my mind away from the machines . Im starting to budget for the first time in a long time in my life. It really is amazing what you can do with so little . I used to think nothing of throwing 2 grand into they machines in a day ... shocking when im thinking of it now .Every penny is precious to me now. Part of the triangle has gone and im glad of it.
Had a couple of urges but quickly put them to rest recently. Even went out drinking on sunday , theres 4 bookies close by and it never even took my interest. Im missing my ex fiance like mad, it really did end on a sour note ... ive got nothing or no one to blame but myself. Ruined her life as well as my own,cried like a baby ... but tears fade and i need to move on now, its all over and i must accept that and be sure never ever again to let my destruction ruin anyone else again in life. I need to remain strong and gamble free ,its the one and only way i can start to live a normal life as a recovering compulsive gambler.
I am a CG and i have not gambled for 22 days , thanks for reading !
Good work lostsoul999.
Acceptance, learn from it and make sure it never happens again.
Not easy but you're making a good start.
One way from here.
Evening lost soul thanks for.your post. Just read your diary. Hope your settling in to the new flat ok. Maybe I didn't read it correctly but did you get to a GA meeting? How did it go?
Take care mate
Day 26 . Thanks craig , no i havent went to GA yet . i have driven to it 3 times now and sat outside...very nervous...i know i shouldnt...but i think im strong enough soon to get back into the group . I think i will try and get the strength next thursday to re-attend. Im settling in fine to the flat , its been the wake up call i needed in life, in many regards ive seen this coming for a long time to be here ,alone ...ive had so so many chances in life but blew them all on a spin of a roulette wheel. But recovery feels good and today i will not gamble. Thanks all for youre help!
Thanks for your post lost soul, I had read your diary and it's been incredible how you have picked yourself up and faced this head on! 26 days gf is something to be proud of and I look forward to seeing your posts and watch that number increase...one day at a time!
I'm planning to go to a GA meeting when I'm not at work when they meet.
I've been to just look in through the window. Reassuringly, I'm told this behaviour is quite normal.
I'm not the most confident person. The way I'll approach going - which I'll find easier - is to email someone before I attend. I'm not one to waste people's time, the email will make me feel obliged to go. Plus, knowing that they are expecting me and someone's name will make me more comfortable; better to ask for someone by name rather than awkwardly loiter around.
If that's of any use you should be able to find an email address for any meeting on the Gamblers Anonymous website.
Keep up the good work lostsoul999.
How have you been doing?
Did you attend GA?
Last time you posted you were struggling. We all will from time to time. Supports here whenever you need it.
day 42.
Hi all ,Hello glint.
Not posted for a while. Been busy at work and had some family problems, which sure takes the mind off gambling.
Had a bit of an urge on saturday with the national on .As ive posted before horses were never my issue and it do honestly beleive if roulette machines hadnt been invented i would never slid into a life of a cg,but we never know ... this illness is so complelling .But thankfully i didnt,and soooo glad i didnt. I was out with a "lady" friend on saturday and she kept talking about a few pounds on the national but i kept steering away and steered her into a wee tapas place instead and sat out the national there. If only they knew. Before i would have put a fiver on the national and 500 in the machines and not even bothered watching it !
Staying strong and focussed on my recovery ,im trying to help and old friend as well... trying to get him too see the light and give up the bookies .Think im on a lost cause but its worth a try. Ive not been back to GA yet,i really dont know why ... its maybe fear and feeling shamefull ... i know its not like that but ah well ... soon!
Keeping my days filled up with the gym and seeing people and stuff. Really amazing the life you can lead away from gambling and what the money you wasted can do.Still myself in the flat,sometimes i look around and think how far you have fallen my son but that soon goes away . NO MORE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!,
Thanks all for reading ,Im a compulsive gambler .i havent had a bet in 42 days because i cant win because i cant stop.
Stay strong all !
Good to see you posting again.
The nature of your last post had left me concerned.
You might have fallen but you've quickly got yourself back on your feet and moving in the right direction. Only have to read your first post to see how well you have done in a short time.
Keep it up and things will keep getting better.
Know what you mean about the machines. The amount of times I've studied the racing form, placed big bets then played the FOBT completely oblivious to the racing. Crazy, and I like horse racing.
Well done on six weeks without gambling!
Wishing you and your family well.
Glint
Morning lost soul, well done on getting through the weekend and getting to six weeks GF.
As for GA take that step again I know when people have come back to my meeting after a relapse it's never been an issue no judgments maybe some tough love. I'd personally be more annoyed at you not coming back and struggling out there rather than that you had a bet.
I do get your apprehension but you need to overcome it and enter that room again.
KTF
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
