What a day!

Still 108

Lightbulb moment- I've always provided for my son. He's had what he wanted/ needed financially, materially, emotionally.

He now has gf to provide the emotional support. Despite wanting to, I am unable to provide financially to help with his house move and material goods. I did give him some money (before I gambled "the win") towards his deposit. He hasn't asked for anything, and yet it hurts me to know I can't offer. (he doesnt know I've blown the lot!)

Hi Irene

i know exactly how you feel. I, like you, have always provided for my 24 year old son before he left for uni and then went on to get his own flat (just round the corner from me)!!

Normally, I would have bought him all kinds for that flat before I gambled, but like you, just do not have the money to do so at the min or any credit cards (which until 2 years ago, my credit history was impecable)!!

My son is a little like me though and is quite independent (thank God). I'm sure your son is like mine in knowing all you have done for him over the years single handedly and I'm sure this is something he will never truly forget. Like you said, you gave him money for his deposit, and I am sure he is truly grateful for this. My way of helping my son at this min is by cooking him some lovely meals when he comes for tea every Wednesday, helping him clean his flat every now and then (which he really appreciates) and being there for advice at the other end of the phone. I just tell myself that all this costs nothing and for now, I just try and make more of an effort with these things as there is nothing else I can do like you just yet.

Things will become different for both of us. Just now, I am grateful that I can go to the shops every day if I wish and buy the most basic of things. As the months go by, I will have a little bit extra just like you I am sure. I have a lovely family and a lovely caring sister and it seems you have this too so we are both lucky in this respect.

You take care, you are doing fantastic and more importantly, you are doing your very best in all arears (well maybe not with the yucky yucky's) Ha!!

Speak soon.

Feb.xx

Having one of them kinda days hey. Get a lot of them myself and always seem to be the whys and what ifs of it all. Guess I what iffed myself to death and despite it all just didnt change a dam thing. Lol guess we'll alway wanna pull off more than we can when it comes to our kids. And yeah the gambling past in our lives will always add to the guilt trip. Dont pay to dwell on what we cant change and sometimes we just gotta put it all behind us so we can move forward to better days. Gonna be plenty more opportunities to give that helping hand and ear in the future.

Thanks x

Day 109

Hopefully back to 'normal'. Had a great kip and ready to face the world!

Hi Irene

Glad to hear you had a good kip and are hopefully back to normal...

You doing so well and your a credit to yourself and this site with your support to others.

109 Keep going as I am chasing you............

Hey Irene...

Don't feel guilty for expressing your feelings...and once you let them out other people can read and identify with you and not feel so alone. You are helping others to speak up too...

Why not look at it this way for a change...by not sharing your feelings..youre depriving us!...

You are doing great

R and d xx

Well done on 109 days irene keeps it up you are doing so so so well.

Hi Irene.

Thanks for the support on my diary, I don't get on here a lot so took me a while.

Well done for reaching 109 days that really is fantastic.

Take care

Nicki xx

Hiya Irene 🙂

Just read your last post... 109 days! You are awesome!!!! Keep it up and will chat soon.

Stub x

Hi there

thanks so much for your support.

I think it is quite natural to feel as you do when your son is leaving home and it's ok to feel a loss and feel sad as well as happy and hopeful for him. I think personally as you say the guilt trip makes this process harder but my son tells me that just being there for him is enough and I have to believe that for now.

You are doing amazingly well as this would be a huge trigger for me so be very proud of yourself as I am sure your son is and would say so if he were to post about his mum.

xxx

Thanks x

Day 110

Its been a difficult week- meetings galore at work where I have to justify my time etc. Usually I love my work but lately Ive been thinking about a change in direction- can I handle more change????? Deep down Im not sure what to do despite my decisional balance lists!

Son's not quite moved yet! Good job I hadnt planned a riotous weekend lol. His house is lovely- it 'feels happy' (no apologies for that daft statement- I believe that you can sense if a place is right). How times change- when I got my 1st flat I had nothing and had to rely on 2nd hand stuff primarily, he and gf have it planned to the designer detail!!! Id rather scrimp on the furnishings and go on holiday (thank goodness hes not inherited my budgeting skills!)

I had a very exciting evening yesterday- got stuck into kitchen cleaning with my steamer lol. My nest may be empty but itll be clean 🙂

Yuky yukys not going well- thats cigs to most of us but an apt nickname by Feb! Patches will be in situ again tomorrow- if I dont buy yukys till the end of march Ill be able to buy son something designer for his house!

My usual friday activity was replaced by a meeting today, 1st friday ive missed with them- so not my usual fab end to the week.

Working nightshift so posting from phone- not the easiest.

Day 111

Slept most of the day so missed the sunshine 🙁

Working again tonight.

All quiet in my world, no gambling and no urges to speak of so all good!

Hi Irene.

Go for the designer home furnishings I say (I would do wouldn't i) ha!! Get yourself all 'patched up' tomorrow and go for it big time. I am still trying to cut right back on the chocolate still - getting better but it is hard.

Take Care and speak soon.

Feb.x

Your not alone in sleeping that day away and yeah sometimes just need it all to catch up. Off today myself and can bet that grill will be yanked out and a few cold ones flowing down this throat. Lol hell could do with some cleaning getting

done around here but I'm just not up for it. Lol got a 3 day weekend coming at me next week so I will put off what I can do later I guess.

Hope your work day went fast for ya and problem free.

Thanks x

Day 112=16 weeks

Another gamble free Sunday.

Finished work at 8am-slept for wee while then out grocery shopping with sis, before returning home to get some housework done. Not very exciting but a calm urge free day.