When will I change

Welcome Nicky, This is the place to be take it easy one day at a time you can get this done.

Welcome Nicky, This is the place to be take it easy one day at a time. Keep your thoughts good and bad here.

Hi Nicky,

From the title it seems you back in the place you was this time last year. It's one day off a year to the day that you started that diary and I can only assume the year has gone to plan. It looks like you got through Christmas that time so you can do it again it you have to go back to basics and put them blocks in place. Iook forward to hearing why you are back because as you said you owe it to your daughter and yourself. Don't let it beat you you came back for reason

Thanks for your comments. I'm back because I feel a bit helpless. Like a slave to it. I don't even have a home. I'm supposed to be getting my keys to new place Monday but I lost all the money yesterday.
How can I do this everyone?! I have to do something different?

This situation feels lower than rock bottom. It's middle of the night and I'm asleep iny work van a few days before xmas without a penny to my name. Yet I still lost another £700 yesterday.
What sort of life is this? Gambling is a disease that ends lives. How can this thought sometimes leave my mind and I think about how good gambling is?!

Good morning Nickyj,

I hear you dear soldier! Gambling is something horrible, but recovery is something amazing. The only similarity in them both - we are the ones to choose the path we take.
Sleepless night for me too, day one for me too...yet...i just looked around and i have a roof over the head and bed to sleep in. My heart simply goes out to you.

My thoughts were as yours today.. i truly hope i reached a rock bottom. I say hope, because the thoughts i had last couple of days finally scared me senseless. I truly want to make changes for the better.

We do have a choice dear friend, the lies we tell ourselves is just another eacape route to hell. Time to stop running - face the consequences and start rebuilding our lives. Will be a long road, but it's a road to hope and positivity...it will be worth it!

Are you with me buddy? Let's do it, let's put stop to madness.

One day at a time

Sandra

Thanks Sandra. Yes I'm with you. I need something to hold on to. A hope. I worked today and lost all the wages within an hour. It's a vice like grip it has on me with Xmas approaching fast.

Tomorrow I'll try again for day 1.

Thanks for your kind words.

i know how you feel nicky but you are not alone